Hands down, my favourite is from "No Cure For Cancer" by Denis Leary. he's talking about raising his son.

"It wasn't until I had a kid--after I got married and had my son--that's when I felt like I was doing this distorted I was taking all this stuff from my dad and I was filtering it down to my son. And I felt better all of a sudden.

And I know that's a cliche, that you change when you've got a kid. I also know it's the big fashion thing of the Nineties. "Here's my kid. He matches my couch."

But it's true. After you have a kid, there's a wave that washes over you. It might be two days later, it might be two weeks later, it might be two years later, but there comes a day, when you look down into that crib and go, "Oh, my God. Look at this. This cold-sober, empty little vessel . . . waiting to be filled up with ingredients . . . and it's up to me and my wife. We can fill him up with anything. Love. Or hate. Or indifference."

And that's when I realized, "Oh, my God. Now I know why I'm supposed to have a responsibility to the planet. Because I want him to have a better life." So that maybe--twenty-five years from now--there'll be a better world for him.

I don't get involved in stuff. I vote, but I don't get hands-on. And now I realized, I have to get hands-on. And try to change the planet. So that maybe--twenty-five years from now--he can live in a world without war. In a country without color. With clean air to breathe and clean water to drink. So that maybe--twenty-five years from now--he can turn to me and say, "You know something, dad? I really like this place." And I can say, "Well, son. I did my best."

Pause.

Denis clears his throat.

And other times, I think: Hey! Fuck him. "


Zone

"trust me. I know what im doing"

-sled hammer

freak:

oopps, sledge hammer. i meant.

damn, i want the edit button back.

Bingo baby.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann's entering monologue in FMJ. Classic.

"Owwwie....Owwie...Oh....Owwwie" - Shane

69th Street Anal Sluts

Lewis Black - "The stupidist thing you've ever heard"
Lewis Black - "Starbucks"


Ah hell just get the whole "White Album".

Another:

My god your right. Listen, listen. A pigion few in the window. No, no wait, an eagle. It landed on the stove, bursting into flames. The baby seeing this jumps to the might birds aid. The eagle mistakes this as an act of agression. Meanwhile the sink overflows, filling the apartment with water. The eagle and baby locked in a death grip swirling in the whirlpool that is the apartment.

I missed some stuff in it, but i just watched it while i was waiting for pretzel to get done. It was funny as hell. It was in Friends last night. Kinda makes me think i should watch the show once in a while... eh, no.