Sprinting on the freeway, carrying a meaty axe, cometh MinorThreat! And he gives a gutteral roar:

"Blood and souls for my dark lord! I lay waste to the landscape faster than the super-flu!!"

Lo! Who is that, prowling along the plains! It is [muted]strvs, hands clutching a sharpened screwdriver! And with a mighty cry, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to redefine your concept of 'playing hardball with the big boys'!!"

Sorry Lads, but I think we have a Winner :D
 

Stalking across the freeway, wielding gilded boxing gloves, cometh Captain Wilkins! And he gives a low grunt:

"I'm going to hump you with such zeal, I will be high on life for years to come!!"

cool:

Blood and souls for my dark lord! Skulls will be fucked for Satan!!!"

Rampaging out of the mini-mall parking lot, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a studded crowbar, cometh Oddball! And he gives a bloodthirsty grunt:

"I'm going to pound you so heinously, your screams will shatter lightbulbs world-wide!"

Who is that, sprinting on the plains! It is Johnj, hands clutching a thorned whip! And with a bloodthirsty cry, his voice cometh:

"I'm seriously going to brutalize you with such wanton cruelty, the devil himself will plead for mercy!"

Stalking across the plains, clutching a studded crowbar, cometh Pvt. Pinhead! And he gives a cruel grunt:

"I'm going to contort you until the laws of physics are violated!"

DasBlitz:"I'm going to brutalize you to the moon and back, and grin like a fucking maniac!"
[DAS REICH]Blitz: "Ares, God of War, be praised! I lay waste to the landscape like the world's mightiest bad-ass!!!"

"You in some shit now, muhfuh! I destroy all in my path until Satan himself emerges from the pit to thank me!"
hahahah nice

"I'm going to torment you like a wrecking ball, and hijack your momma's airplane!"

Lo! Who is that, skulking over the mini-mall parking lot! It is Bukdez, hands clutching a vorpal blade! He bellows ominously:

"Vengeance and goo flow from my veins! I sow darkness and discord like a sentient bulldozer!"


vengence and goo??? wtf...lol, bulldozer!

"I'm going to contort you into the fourth dimension, and dip you in uranium!"