So far today, this is it.. biggrin:

"we were sitting around the lunch room asking eachother about their middle names, and one guy told us he had two middle names, so I said but asshole is one word"

not from me, but I thought it was hilarious

"WTF is this real!?"

- dinosaur videos on youtube

"Does anyone have a UBS cord I can use with my camera?"

Yes, he said "UBS", not "USB". rolleyes:

lmao I fucking hate people who call electionic and peripherals by the wrong name.

Me: girls have naked pillow fights all the time. They always end with making up, which leads to, full blown make out sessions
myfriend: and u know this from personal experience?
Me: haha it's another running joke between guys
myfriend: thats disappointing, none of our pillow fights led to full blown make out sessions

"Man, that fucker is so cheap, he wouldn't give you the steam off his piss!"

"I'd hit it with a wet chain and burn the corpse to make sure it didn't regenerate."

it seems i made out with a girl last weekend.

friend : "dude, did you had sex with this girl "
me: " i don't know, was she hot ?"

some kind of inside joke

"I like burning my candle, then pouring the hot wax on my nips as I fingerblast my own asshole."

"God said Fuck you ...and i went to bed"

"The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the heat of the meat."

Me: "Man, I've gone through a ton of tissues over the weekend."
Co-worker: "Why? Downloading porn all weekend?"
Me: "No, head cold. I jack it in tube socks only"
Co-worker: "Me too."
Me: "LAWL!"

The other day my dad and I were trying to do something with my 360 and my dad told me that we had to clear the "cashay."

Then I was like, "Uuuum you mean the CACHE?"
And he was like, "No, the cashay..."
And I was like, "Whatever dude."

I was doing a 15/15 challenge today at work:

Must eat the whole thing in under 15 minutes or you must pay $15. No puking allowed. So if you win, you get a free huge-ass sundae and your picture on the wall.

15/15 challenge =
A sand toy bucket filled with:
4 donuts
5 scoops of ice cream
1 banana
choice of caramel, butter scotch, hot fudge
3 different toppings
whipped cream
5 cherries

So i was challenging my manager to see who could do it quickest. He's gay. In the middle of it he started talking smack talk. He goes to me I'm a fag, you better watch out. You know as well as I do what I can put in this mouth." and then proceeded to put a HUGE scoop of ice cream in his mouth. He beat me in the end. I was pretty much done with 3.5 mins left. But I couldn't finish the last 3 spoon fulls of sprinkles left on the bottom...I couldn't hold it down.