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"we were sitting around the lunch room asking eachother about their middle names, and one guy told us he had two middle names, so I said but asshole is one word"
not from me, but I thought it was hilarious |
"WTF is this real!?"
- dinosaur videos on youtube |
"Does anyone have a UBS cord I can use with my camera?"
Yes, he said "UBS", not "USB". rolleyes: |
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Me: girls have naked pillow fights all the time. They always end with making up, which leads to, full blown make out sessions
myfriend: and u know this from personal experience? Me: haha it's another running joke between guys myfriend: thats disappointing, none of our pillow fights led to full blown make out sessions |
"Man, that fucker is so cheap, he wouldn't give you the steam off his piss!"
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"I'd hit it with a wet chain and burn the corpse to make sure it didn't regenerate."
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it seems i made out with a girl last weekend.
friend : "dude, did you had sex with this girl " me: " i don't know, was she hot ?" some kind of inside joke |
"I like burning my candle, then pouring the hot wax on my nips as I fingerblast my own asshole."
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"God said Fuck you ...and i went to bed"
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"The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the heat of the meat."
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Me: "Man, I've gone through a ton of tissues over the weekend."
Co-worker: "Why? Downloading porn all weekend?" Me: "No, head cold. I jack it in tube socks only" Co-worker: "Me too." Me: "LAWL!" |
The other day my dad and I were trying to do something with my 360 and my dad told me that we had to clear the "cashay."
Then I was like, "Uuuum you mean the CACHE?" And he was like, "No, the cashay..." And I was like, "Whatever dude." |
I was doing a 15/15 challenge today at work:
Must eat the whole thing in under 15 minutes or you must pay $15. No puking allowed. So if you win, you get a free huge-ass sundae and your picture on the wall. 15/15 challenge = A sand toy bucket filled with: 4 donuts 5 scoops of ice cream 1 banana choice of caramel, butter scotch, hot fudge 3 different toppings whipped cream 5 cherries So i was challenging my manager to see who could do it quickest. He's gay. In the middle of it he started talking smack talk. He goes to me I'm a fag, you better watch out. You know as well as I do what I can put in this mouth." and then proceeded to put a HUGE scoop of ice cream in his mouth. He beat me in the end. I was pretty much done with 3.5 mins left. But I couldn't finish the last 3 spoon fulls of sprinkles left on the bottom...I couldn't hold it down. |
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