I second that Zoner...lol

funny... oOo:

hey can anyone guess this one?

a man on horse back went on a 2 day trip he left on tuesday and arrived home on tuesday. how can this be?

horses name is tuesday

right .

I heard this one about Lawyers:

A lawyer decided to take a vacation with his Chezchovakian(Definite spelling error oOo: )friend. They go out to his cabin in the woods and decide to pick berries. While out picking berries, they run into two bears, a male and female. The male charges and swallows his friend whole. The lawyer runs off back to his cabin, on his way, he decides to call the Sheriff and try to save his friend and avoid a lawsuit. The Sheriff gets there and whips out his shotgun. They charge to the spot where the bears are and the lawyer tells the Sheriff that his Chezovakian friend his in the male bear. The Sheriff shoots the female bear. The lawyer was like, "What the hell are you doing?!?!" The Sheriff responds, "Would you believe a lawyer that said the Chezch's in the male?"

A man walks into a drug store with his 13-year old son. They walk by the
condom display and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use
them to have safe sex."

"Oh," replied the boy. "Yes I've heard of that in health class at school." He
picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for
Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks, "Then who are these for?

"Those are for college men," the dad answers. "Two for Friday, two for
Saturday, and two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a
12-pack.

With a sigh, the dad replies, "Those are for married men. One for January,
one for February, one for..."

A man fell asleep on the beach under the noon day sun, and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs. He was taken to the hospital where his skin had turned bright red, was painful and had started to blister.

Anything that had touched his legs caused agony. The Doctor prescribed continued intravenous feeding of water and electrolytes, a mild sedative and three Viagra pills.

Rather astounded, the nurse inquired, "What good will the Viagra do him in his condition?" The doctor replied, "It will keep the sheet off his legs".

Heheehe.....Those are funny....Bahaha!

"When are YOU Old enough!?"

Saw this dirty guy say it to this 12 year old girl...Cracked me up!

Not really a joke....But it was funny as hell!

GORILLA
 

a man goes out to get his paper in the morning. in his front yard theres a huge gorilla..the man runs back into the house and calls the zoo..the man at the zoo said it had escaped and they were lookin for it but not to worry..it was tame. the zoo keeper arives at the mans house with a huge chain..high powered rifle..and a big net.and a huge vicious dog!!.the home owner says..i thought you said it was tame..the man replies i need all this stuff to capture it..they walk around to the back of the house and the home owner points up in a tree in his back yard..there sets the gorilla..the zoo keeper hands the man the rifle..surprised the man says..what am i suposed to do with this..the zoo keeper explains..ill go up into the tree..shake the limb hes on..he will fall out of the tree..this dog will run over and grab him by the nuts..ill through the net down on him..put the chains on him..and were off to the zoo..the man replies well what am i suposed to do with rifle..the zoo keeper replies..sometimes he gets playful..if he shakes me out of the tree..YOU SHOOT THAT DAMN DOG.!!!!!!!

what do you call a happy roman? ----gladiator


simple short classic. especially when drinking is involved evil:

An Army general is visiting an army camp in the desert, a couple of soldiers are showing him about the camp, where to eat, where he will sleep, where to go if the camp is attacked etc, then at the end of the tour th General says "well i am impressed with this camp, but 1 question. what do you do when you want sex?"
The two soldiers looked at each and then at the general, "Well general, when that happens, we use the camel" pointing to a rather old camel tied to a post just by the camp.
A few days go by and everything is fine, but then the general starts to get angsty down below. So one night he gets out of bed, drops his trousers and starts humping the camel
The soldiers who gave him the tour were on night watch, and heard the grunting and groaning coming from the general. The stood in shook at what they saw and one shouted "General! what are you doing?!"
The general stops his buisness and says "what do you mean, you said you used this old camel when you wanted sex"
The soldier replies "well yes.....but we use it to ride to the brothel in the next town".

[quote="Capt. John Miller":25279]How do you start a rumble in a jewish temple?............

Answer: Roll a penny down the isle biggrin:[/quote:25279]
omg hahahaa
not! hake: fire1:

The funniest joke ever.....has to be the French.

The French are lovers, not fighters oOo: