French Rifle - Like New! - Never Fired! - (Dropped Once)
 

I speak some French, and the love of my life was French, but here goes:

http://www.brokennewz.com/worldnews/surrender.asp

How many French does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows, it's never been tried.

Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?
So the Germans could march in the shade.

Top 10 Reasons to Live in Quebec

1. Everybody assumes you're an asshole
2. Racism is socially acceptable
3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbor will move out next
5. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada
6. The FLQ
7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys
8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts
10. You can blame all your problems on the ''Anglo bastards''

I consider Quebecers to be worse than the French, so I included that.

I love you noctis

Re: French Rifle - Like New! - Never Fired! - (Dropped Once)
 

[quote="Captain Noctis Aeternus":e9ded]
8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers[/quote:e9ded]

TOTALLY UNTRUE!

[quote="Captain Noctis Aeternus":9efe0]I consider Quebecers to be worse than the French, so I included that.[/quote:9efe0]


i was in quebec a few years ago and alot of people were pretty nice (but i was buying something from them so i guess they would have been nice too me)

and i took a taxi ride to a bar that was suppose to be a five minute drive and it took like 20 minutes, fucking cabbys tryiing to make and extra buck!

More jokes...

It's no surprise the French won't help us get Saddam Hussein out of Iraq. They didn't help us get Germany out of France, either. Still, it's essential for them to join us in the war against Iraq. They can teach the Iraqis how to surrender.

Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The army.

Q: How many gears does a French tank have?
A: Five, four in reverse and one forward (in case of attack from behind).

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender

Q: Why do the french call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A: Because it doesn't really exist.

Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert?
A: A Mirage.

Q: Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy?
A: To see all their other ships.

Q: How did the French react to German reunification?
A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.

What color is the American flag? Red, White, and Blue. What color is the British flag? Red, White, and Blue. What color is the French flag? White.

I went to Quebec and went to a restaurant. Spoke very proper French (real French, not the Canadian French, which is like redneck English). Was very polite, left a 25% tip. As I was leaving, the waiter asks me where I'm from, in French. And in French, I reply, "America."

The guy proceeds to spit on me. I left a few hours later. When I got home, I mailed a box filled with used kitty litter to Quebec's capital building, with a large piece of paper stating, "FUCK YOU."

I dunno whether to laugh at that, or put your genitals in a burlap sack full of new york rats, but you're from the south so I'll leave you alone. Durrr hyuk hyuk hyuk.

[quote="Captain Noctis Aeternus":47e76] As I was leaving, the waiter asks me where I'm from, in French. And in French, I reply, "America."

The guy proceeds to spit on me. I left a few hours later. When I got home, I mailed a box filled with used kitty litter to Quebec's capital building, with a large piece of paper stating, "FUCK YOU."[/quote:47e76]

...you must be one hard bastard! cool: ...that filthy fucken waiters world would have been well and truely rocked
once that kitty-litter turned up at the...erm, capital building..err, whenever...... eek:

I got cock-blocked by the restaurant manager when I rushed the guy.
mad:
They threatened with the police, and God knows I fear their horses and sticks...

[quote:622fb]Q: Why do the french call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A: Because it doesn't really exist.

Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert?
A: A Mirage. [/quote:622fb]

That my good man is one of the funniest combo jokes i've heard in a while.

Bah. You were just very unlucky... Quebec ownz.

biggrin:

I was in Quebec a year ago, didn't have a problem for the most part, though they do have a bit of an attitude with English speakers. I think they need to get over the French and Indian War.

I got some more:
[img]http://www.binarystorage.net/clients/flashbunny/pics/frenchy.jpg[/img]
French to join war on Iraq

Paris - In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all. Five hundred soldiers from the elite L’Abandonnement du Field d’Honneur Battalion (French Surrender Battalion) of the Legion Etrangere (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the American Armed Forces. “Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering,” said Colonel Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in over 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954. “We French are the world masters at surrendering, n’est ce pas, not like you arrogant Americans who never surrender. Ha, I spit on your filthy American victories.”

President Chirac also announced that his government will be sending 3000 advisors from the elite Force du Collaborateur Francaise (French Collaboration Force) to assist the Iraqis in collaborating with the Americans while pretending to be part of a non-existent resistance movement.


David Letterman Joke:
"Did you all hear Collen powells presentation to the UN?"

some cheers

"I thought he was pretty convincing. He gave a lot of good points and proof"

Some more cheers

'But France is still asking for more proof before they commit."

some laughter

"Yea, the last time France asked for more proof, it rolled through Paris with a German flag on it."


My Grandfather was sent to France on a special mission, to aid the French Resistance. He ultimately failed; he found out there wasn't one.

Frog surrender jokes never get old biggrin: biggrin: biggrin:

[quote="Captain Noctis Aeternus":8e5f5]Q: Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy?
A: To see all their other ships.[/quote:8e5f5]

Heh, thats from SNL.

[quote="Gothic_child180":bc83e][quote="Captain Noctis Aeternus":bc83e]Q: Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy?
A: To see all their other ships.[/quote:bc83e]

Heh, thats from SNL.[/quote:bc83e]

funny I have heard that only they were Iraqi navy and it was to see their airforce.

It was the ep where there was a polish chick hosting and the audience was making fun of her.

"Is it true the New Polish Navy have glass-bottom boat so they can see the Old Polish Navy?"

No offence but these "anti french" threads are getting really old really fast. oOo:

So? The Frogs were ment to be fun of.

[quote="Colonel Klink":fc32a]So? The Frogs were ment to be fun of.[/quote:fc32a]

Translation anyone? oOo:

[quote=Gerard]Translation anyone? oOo:[/quote:3929c]

Frogs= French

[quote="Colonel Klink":e3206][quote=Gerard]Translation anyone? oOo:[/quote:e3206]

Frogs= French[/quote:e3206]

Heh - thats the one part I did understand. ....were ment to be fun of????? WTF is that?

[quote=pest][quote="Colonel Klink":0f676]Frogs= French[/quote:0f676]

Heh - thats the one part I did understand. ....were ment to be fun of????? WTF is that?[/quote:0f676]

Same here eek:

I think he ment the French are ment to be made fun of...

I went to Montreal a few years ago to see the Red Wings play at the Forum and the people were great, the strippers were hot as hell. Havent been back to canada since C68 became a law though.

I think everyone needs to keep in mind that these are light-hearted jokes. I don't hate the French. Like I said, the love of my life was French. I do, however, dislike the popular support of anti-Americanism there, but that's another thread entirely.

As stated above, these are light-hearted jokes. A very, very different tune from the pure and unbridled hatred I see spewed about America in nearly every thread I read now. So if this thread is going to be locked, I hope a whole lot of threads are locked, or a whole lot of people are punished.

enough of this anti-french crap please it is getting old

Agreed, at first these french jokes were a little funny, but now they're just stupid and very annoying. hake:

french jokes are like clinton jokes, most of them never get old.

These are quotes from the game.

"Ultimate Surrender," a video game based upon the proud military traditions of the Gauls.

Marketing tests show that "Ultimate Surrender" is a big hit with French teenagers and young adults who are too young to have experienced France’s lightening surrender to the Germans in 1940 or its defeat by the Vietnamese in 1954 at Dien Bien Phu. "Zees is a great tool to inspire ze patriotism in ze youths, n’est ce pas?" said General Jean-Jacques Loseur, Commander-in-Chief of the French Army, during his weekly press conference. "Since ze end of ze Cold War we French have not had many opportunities to surrender or to show great cowardice in the face of much weaker opponents."

When questioned about comments made in the French Chamber of Deputies that "Ultimate Surrender" makes the French Army look like a bunch of gutless mama’s boys, General Loseur pulled out a white handkerchief, put his hands over his head and said, "Oh heck, I give up."

BAHAHHA...frogs...

[quote="Old Reliable":2b133]enough of this anti-french crap please it is getting old[/quote:2b133]

Nope, still funny.

Didnt the Hitler Youth Troops cature some of France?

I think it was all of the french.

Yeah i know they captured all of France but i mean like the Hitler Youth Capturing some of France themselves

Hitletr Youth weren't told to fight until 1944-45 because by then Germany was getting owned on two fronts.

I know what you meant and I think they captured all of france (the htler youth that is).

This is seriously one funny ass thread! LOL! all you people dont like bashing the french eh? well now you know how us americans feel now pretty much every thread has some sort of anti american post in it

hake:

People making teh French Jokes = Teh meanies... cry:

Yeah, leave 'em alone. They're not good at killing people, BIG DEAL. They refined the erotic arts.