Help me. Serious problem. Don't know what to do...
 

Okay, I've got a VERY serious problem here.

It has to do with my ex, who I'm still friends with. She's a great girl, and I really love her, but lately, she's been heading down the wrong path. She quit smoking years ago, and stopped doing drugs last year. But, now, she's met a guy, a 23 year old by the name of dean. He's offered to let her be his room mate, and she's taking him up on the offer. She says he really cares about her, and that he's a great guy, but I KNOW he isn't. I've met him, for about a minute, and to tell you the truth, I don't really know him very well at all, but my gut is telling me he isn't a good guy, and my gut feels have NEVER been wrong before. She stayed with him for about a week to see what living with him was like. When she came home, she was smoking again, and even worse, back on drugs, hard drugs. She's admitted only to doing Lithium, but I strongly suspect she's also on heroin, which she has done in the past. She has OD'ed a few times in the past, a couple of them were very serious and involved a lengthy stay in the hospital. She's only 16, and I know if she keeps this up, it's not gonna have a good ending. Even more, I know this dean is going to hurt her, and one of her best friends agrees with me on this. I've tried talking to her about it, but she just gets angry and tells me to shutup, and go away. I've offered to help her in every way I can come up with, but she keeps rejecting my offers. I can't just sit by and watch her slowly destroy herself, but I can't think of anything to do. So, please, if any of you guys have any ideas, please let me know. I love her and can't stand this, but I just don't know what to do, I need help...

His name is Dean, That says it all....

just tell her what you wrote here. also call her a tard for doing heroine. a lot of my friends do a lot of drugs but have never done heroine, they say its for dumbasses who want to die poor hake:

A new motto, go...POSTAL!

Actually, don't know.

All you can do is talk to her. Tell her you really need to talk to her and she shold lisrten etc and tell her your feelings...exactly what you said here. If she won't listen, write a letter. you don't have to mail it or anything but sometimes writing a letter is a lot easier and better than talking in person. you can write down all of your feelings and give it to her. She can't tell you to shut up and she'll read it for sure. A letter is a good way of conveying your feelings without havng the complications that you talk about.

The only other things I can think of is talking to her parents. Where are her parents? Moving in with a 23 year old at 16? WTF is up with this guy anyway? he must be a perv. I'm 19 and I wouldn't really thnk of doing "anything" with a 16 year old. My brother is 15 and I just think of how hes closer to her age than me...that just freaks me out. and this dude is 4 years older than me. The only other thing than talking to her parents is maybe a councellor or support group. Maybe get a bunch of your friends together and confront her like they did on seinfeld for that guy who was on drugs. They called it an Interention.

Thats all I can think of. Good luck dude.

Yes, herione is a very hard drug, one of the listed common effects in the book "The Law Enforcement Handbook" is a Coma and/or Death. I've tried telling her all this, and more, but it just seems to frustrate her and make her angry. If I had money, I would hire an investigator to prove to her that this dean guy is not the sweet, kind, caring guy she thinks he is, but I don't have any money. I just don't what to do...

Seriously, I would tell her front up not to. Better that than wait for the "Hate to say I warned you" But it seems like she isn't going to believe you...

let her do her thing, if she doesnt care enough for herself to know whats dumb then youre caring too much

Give her the old talk, then if she doesn't listen and ends up being a 2 dollar crackwhore, give her the old " I told you so. "

If you feel this way she must have other people around her who feel the same unless all her friends are druggies. get all your friends together and talk to her.

I've met her parents, they're good people, but they are just as confused about what to do as me. They've sent her to counseller after counseller, and nothing ever changes. I'm 18, and normally I wouldn't think of going out with someone as young as 16, but I guess you can't help who you fall in love with, and 2 years isn't as bad as the 7 year diffrence between dean and her. He is a pervert. He's been sexually harrasing her 15 year old friend, calling her, trying to get her to come see him, shit like that. I think I'll talk to her friends, an intervention might work, maybe if enough of us confront her, she'll see that we really do care about her... I don't know, I'll talk to her friends...

Her friends aren't druggies... at least not the ones I've met...

If she wouldn't do the same for you, don't do shit.

She probably would do the same for me... at least I think she would... I don't know, I'll talk to her friends, maybe try an intervention. If that doesn't work, than I guess I'll just have to give her a choice, drug and dean, or me, because I can't do this, I can't sit back and watch her throw away her life and destroy herself.

Also, get that guy to change his name from Dean to something more....unstupid.

Its easy, get a video camera and a regular camera and exploit this dean guy yourself. Than maybe confront this perverted asshole about it.

You can't ruin yourself emotionally over this, redhawk: in the end, she will
make her own decisions, no matter how bad they may be. Option #1 is try
and tell her one last time with her parents and let her make a choice. The
second involves you taking her back without her consent...

Good luck.

[quote="Capt. John Miller":a9e59]Its easy, get a video camera and a regular camera and exploit this dean guy yourself. Than maybe confront this perverted asshole about it.[/quote:a9e59]

oops also forgot to add, if your gonna confront him, bring some friends, big friends. Im not joking about this either, it works.

What if he has bigger friends?

beat the guy up...and leave the country...

heh, yeah, well, if he does hurt her, I'll see to it that his name becomes "Bitch". you would be suprised how much damage a police investigation and charges for sexual assault of a minor could do to someones life... and other cons don't like pervs who take advantage of 16 year old girls... evil:

And miller, that is one option I am considering, having one of my female friends help me setup a sting on this perv... might actully be fun...

[quote="Capt. John Miller":a2277][quote="Capt. John Miller":a2277]Its easy, get a video camera and a regular camera and exploit this dean guy yourself. Than maybe confront this perverted asshole about it.[/quote:a2277]

oops also forgot to add, if your gonna confront him, bring some friends, big friends. Im not joking about this either, it works.[/quote:a2277]

hehe, I've got some pretty big and tough friends...

and pyro, there is no way in the world I could beat this guy up on my own, my ex can kick my ass (but that's probably because she was on a wrestling team...) this guy is twice my size, and I'm not exactly skin and bones...

hmm...well I guess you'll have to get him arrested or something.

[quote="redhawk_six":d1192]heh, yeah, well, if he does hurt her, I'll see to it that his name becomes "Bitch". you would be suprised how much damage a police investigation and charges for sexual assault of a minor could do to someones life... and other cons don't like pervs who take advantage of 16 year old girls... evil:

And miller, that is one option I am considering, having one of my female friends help me setup a sting on this perv... might actully be fun...[/quote:d1192]

exactly dude, set him up and get it on camera, use this as a second to last resort. The last resort is asking a favor from soem big friends to help you take him out, and bring a baseball bat, preferably aluminum, it wont break as easy as wood...not that i would know biggrin:

that's what I plan on doing if he hurts her, I've got friends whose parents work for the Vancouver Police, I'll make his life a living hell if he hurts her in any way

[quote="Capt. John Miller":1a41e][quote="redhawk_six":1a41e]heh, yeah, well, if he does hurt her, I'll see to it that his name becomes "Bitch". you would be suprised how much damage a police investigation and charges for sexual assault of a minor could do to someones life... and other cons don't like pervs who take advantage of 16 year old girls... evil:

And miller, that is one option I am considering, having one of my female friends help me setup a sting on this perv... might actully be fun...[/quote:1a41e]

exactly dude, set him up and get it on camera, use this as a second to last resort. The last resort is asking a favor from soem big friends to help you take him out, and bring a baseball bat, preferably aluminum, it wont break as easy as wood...not that i would know biggrin:[/quote:1a41e]

haha, yeah, I know some friends who would help me with a sting, and I do have a copy of "The Law Enforcement Handbook". I can think of a million ways to bust him...

[quote="redhawk_six":905cd]
haha, yeah, I know some friends who would help me with a sting, and I do have a copy of "The Law Enforcement Handbook". I can think of a million ways to bust him...[/quote:905cd]

in the realm of reality, the best thing i cna tell you is talk with her and him, explain to him if he hurts her, you WILL hurt him. Than if it comes to it tell the cops that a 23 year old is dating a 16 year old.

[quote="Capt. John Miller":73b98][quote="redhawk_six":73b98]
haha, yeah, I know some friends who would help me with a sting, and I do have a copy of "The Law Enforcement Handbook". I can think of a million ways to bust him...[/quote:73b98]

in the realm of reality, the best thing i cna tell you is talk with her and him, explain to him if he hurts her, you WILL hurt him. Than if it comes to it tell the cops that a 23 year old is dating a 16 year old.[/quote:73b98]

I do plan on talking to her, but threatening him would probably make her extremely angry with me. I could go to the police right now if I wanted to, she's admitted to having sex with him already... but she would kill me if I did that, plus, she would never testify against him (unless he really hurt her...) so he would end up being released, and probably getting back togeather with her and coming after me... I think I'll just talk to her friends, and see what they think.

bring guns
bring very big and powerful guns
mabye a tank too

One step at a time man, i know you care about her, but sometimes you gotta let go when you realize that its hopeless and she wont listen to you. Its a shitty thing to do i know it cause ive been there and done that. Best of luck.

In the end she'll probably come crying to you saying this Dean guy was a big mistake and how he was a jerk and all that and she should have listened to you all along OR she come to you in a coffin.

That normally does happen (not the coffin part) they will always come back to someone they can always rely on and trust.

my bet is on the coffin
actually..if she's a crack whore, probably in a gutter

well not exactly a coffin.... I just guess its a stage some go through. I'm sure she'll come out ok out of it.

Face it, dude: he's an alpha male and you're a supplicating, submissive
chump. Let her fuck him, and consequently, herself. You tried...

yeah, she probably will once she gets older and more mature, but the sad thing is, if she does continue like this for a while, she'll have totally screwed herself out of a future, and I don't want to see that happen, she could do some great things with her life if she would stay on the right track, she has such an amazing singing voice, she could have it all if she doesn't screw it up now... hake:

Well good luck to ya mate :)

I'm sure it's not easy, but whatever happens, I'm sure you'll both pull through :)

Thanks for the advice and support, guys.

I'm sure everything will get worked out eventully, she knows I love her and don't want her to get hurt. I'll talk to her friends, get their opinions, and go from there.

Thanks everyone.

Have you ever thought about going to your local paper??

seriously. people here find newspaper quite helpful in uncovering druggies, and they tend to have more rights than a "civilian".

like, if you went spying on him with a camera you could end up facing him with his lawyer - and being a junkie he probably knows a lawyer.

where as if it were an undercover newspaper reporter, hed have a hard time pressing charges as the reporter would screw him easily for doing drugs.

So go to the paper with your story. I know its ironic of me to talk about a guy being with a 16 year old when i myself am after a date with a 15 year old, but atleast i dont do hard drugs or deal them to others.

give that idea a thought mate. best of luck though, i know its shit hard grieving over an ex girl when you still care so much for her.

[quote="Captain Bunny":65bf0]Have you ever thought about going to your local paper??

seriously. people here find newspaper quite helpful in uncovering druggies, and they tend to have more rights than a "civilian".

like, if you went spying on him with a camera you could end up facing him with his lawyer - and being a junkie he probably knows a lawyer.

where as if it were an undercover newspaper reporter, hed have a hard time pressing charges as the reporter would screw him easily for doing drugs.

So go to the paper with your story. I know its ironic of me to talk about a guy being with a 16 year old when i myself am after a date with a 15 year old, but atleast i dont do hard drugs or deal them to others.

give that idea a thought mate. best of luck though, i know its shit hard grieving over an ex girl when you still care so much for her.[/quote:65bf0]

That's the thing, he's not a druggie, he doesn't even drink, I think she said he smokes, but that's about it. The thing is that he lets her and encourges her to drink, smoke, and do drugs, probably cos it's easier for him to take advantage of her when she's drunk or high. My feelings, if he cared about her as much as she says he does, he would stop her from drinking, smoking, and doing drugs, not encourge her to.