Metal Genres Explained
 

In light of Akuma's declaration of his taste in music (blackdeathgrindindustrialsymphonicblackmelodicdea thgothicdoompaganthrashviking metal), here are the genres explained in easy-to-understand terms:

HEAVY METAL:

The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks
some beers and fucks the princess

GRIND METAL:

The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable
for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

POWER METAL:

The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the
dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest

TRASH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and
fucks her....... easy and quick

FOLK METAL:

The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins,
flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from
all the dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess

VIKING METAL:

The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy
axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle
and burns the place before he leaves

DEATH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and
kills her, then leaves

BLACK METAL:

The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it
in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her
blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the
deflowered princess

GORE METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the
front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her....then he fucks
again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, fucks
the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the
last time

DOOM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that
he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the
dragon eats his body and the princess as well

PROGRESSIVE METAL:

The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes,
the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to
the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques
learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes,
and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist

GLAM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and
lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the
castle in a beautiful pink color

INDUSTRIAL METAL:

The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene
gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by
security guards.

rock:

times sure have changed since the days of either Priest or Maiden camps. loved the industrial metal one.

Progressive metal cracked me up...heh heh.

hmm....

[quote="Short Hand":b1451]hmm....[/quote:b1451]
Problem?

I find it hard to beleive the black metal fan would do such a thing.... or hmm....

eek:

These ARE all based on factual eye-witness accounts from recent concerts around Scandanavia. Don't doubt it for one second.

hmm ?

rolleyes:
You're an idiot.

wait...... u laugh at ur own jokes? rock: rock: gg great post mate

Well, I didn't write these initially, dude...so they aren't "my" jokes. biggrin:

Nah, fuck that...I'll take credit for 'em. hellfire:

shasashksakh, they need to make one of these for all the "-cores" out there

HAHAHA!!! Fucking great! biggrin:

You forgot Gothic metal and Melodic Death though.


Gothic Metal would be something like: The Knight arrives on a cloud of shadow. The knights kills the dragon with the power of dark oblivion. The knights goes to the princess and removes his helmet to reveal that it is actually a female. The princess and knight have hot lesbian sex.






He shouldn't include the cores because this supposed to be about metal, not shit.

Hmmmmm... whonduhfeell.

lol at industrial metal. taken out by security

I would kill everything then burn it all down

Black Metal = dead on.

Progressive Metal is leet too. Only i seem to like the 26 minute solos eek:

where the fuck is hair metal?!!?

ahahahaha, those are great.

Awesomely cool, dude.... rock:

funny........i said the exact same thing when it first came on the sceen. then i ran the Poison tour bus off the road in Bucks county. Thank God it slammed into a bar where Brittney Foxx happened to be opening up for Vixxen. The place went up in flames. A girl with a Screaming for Vengance concert baseball shirt then blew me, blew me hard. 30 seconds later i 'delivered the goods'.

[quote="philadelphia killing mach":f1938]
funny........i said the exact same thing when it first came on the sceen. then i ran the Poison tour bus off the road in Bucks county. Thank God it slammed into a bar where Brittney Foxx happened to be opening up for Vixxen. The place went up in flames. A girl with a Screaming for Vengance concert baseball shirt then blew me, blew me hard. 30 seconds later i 'delivered the goods'.[/quote:f1938]Northampton County > Buck County biggrin:

oh shit , i used to date a girl from north h. there's NOTHING up there.

Chester County > any county in america

[quote="philadelphia killing mach":33639]oh shit , i used to date a girl from north h. there's NOTHING up there.

[/quote:33639]
no boobs?

[quote="philadelphia killing mach":190dd]oh shit , i used to date a girl from north h. there's NOTHING up there.

Chester County > any county in america[/quote:190dd]are you freakin serious? Easton is one of the best cities around!!11111111111 You probably went to the stupid hick towns.

is there anything else up above montco ?

beer:

I like the power metal one the best, because that is easily the pussiest genre of all of metal, could have been better with a resferance to a fairy.

Hair Metal:
The protagonist arrives with a can of hairspray in one had, and a heavy metal axe in the other. He has came to drink beer and party. He tries to scare the dragon with his music, but in the end has to use hairspay to blind it and run away.

Glam Metal = Hair Metal

Yup.

I thought they were all one, metal

[quote="Jimmy Paterson":d1421]I thought they were all one, metal[/quote:d1421]

They are, but they need to be split in the sub genres so it's easier to find stuff you like. I love Black metal but I hate Power metal. If I wanted black metal I would have to go through every metal album ever to find some.


Technically all genres of music ARE music, but no one questions why they can't all just be music.

That's my stance on it too. I'm not a big genre demon myself, but I see the necessity of it.

If I hear a band I like, I'll buy their record. I don't much care if they're labelled "X Metal" or "Y Metal".

Simple as that.

True true true. most of my "friends" think Im a wannabee cause I got some classical music (Bach & Vivaldi rock: ), Some punk rock, some soundtrack stuff (LotR, Star Wars, Halo), some classic rock, etc. stereotypes and cliques are ghey

Gay
L
A
Music

LA as in the city....

someone please catch the reference....

I dont get it oOo: PLZ enlighten the foolish among us who missed the reference