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Madmartagen 09-14-2005 02:11 AM

Worst sex ever
 
Went out with my friends tonight and got really drunk for the first time. I ended up in the backseat of this whales car. Her legs had stuble, her back had hair, and her snatch stank like it hadnt been bathed in a week. My friends wanted me to get drunk, but they made the mistake of letting me drive there. So to get back, i fuckin sobered up fast with a bucket of water, puked a few times in an alley then took my car and fuckin left those shit fucks behind. 35 minutes later on the road, they call me, but im busy at Taco Bell pouring hot sauce into my throat and gurgling it to get her taste out of my mouth. I dont know how, but i managed to eat food w/o puking all over my car. I staggered home a few minutes ago and took this shot of me waiting for one of my friends to come home, he lives across the street.

[url=http://img388.imageshack.us/my.php?image=img05581bs.jpg:05e36][img]http://img388.imageshack.us/img388/2935/img05581bs.th.jpg[/img][/url:05e36]

cheers motherfuckers

dr nein 09-14-2005 02:13 AM

ok?

Bullitt 09-14-2005 02:15 AM

nag:

Old Reliable 09-14-2005 02:52 AM

you have satisfied a fat chick. i had the fastest sex ever two nights ago....didnt even happen rock:

Madmartagen 09-14-2005 03:00 AM

hahah, i dont even think i satisfied her happy:

Arkan 09-14-2005 04:02 AM

-1 for driving under the influence.

As for the bad sex.....been there, done that. I remember coming home from this girls house and had this wicked stank coming from my crotch. Her pussy smelt like a rotting corpse and i couldn't get home fast enough to wash my dick. Why did i fuck her you ask? Well, her name started with a "Y" and i needed that letter for my lil' alphabet fuck game. (fucking my way through the alphabet A-Z)

Chalk that up to experience my friend and never get behind the wheel unless you're 100% sober and not "stumbling" through the door.

Eight Ace 09-14-2005 05:26 AM

She loves you now, and she's pregnant.....that's her at the door.

Mr.Buttocks 09-14-2005 05:39 AM

Just be glad she didn't take a post-sex shit in the glovebox.

Unknown_Sniper 09-14-2005 10:32 AM

yes - 1 for DUI. I wont drive if Im sober but slightly hung over. I wait until I am feeling 100% better.
Cant say I'ev fucked a whale though, good job you fucking beastiality freak.

Poseidon 09-14-2005 10:46 AM

[quote="Unknown_Sniper":a59be]I wont drive if Im sober[/quote:a59be]

eek:

KTOG 09-14-2005 10:56 AM

Almost been there many a times. Then jesus whispers in my ear to not do it.

Madmartagen 09-14-2005 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KTOG
Almost been there many a times. Then jesus whispers in my ear to not do it.

*sigh, i guess like in life itself, Jesus was not here for me this time. I wasnt drunk when I drove home guys, I drank lots of water and ate some food for about a little over an hour before I left, I just wanted to stick to the story, so I didnt add that part because it was boring. They came home at some hour at night after I slept, but I expect them to bust in here laughing in a couple of hours. I cant get her smell off my fingers no matter how much I scrub, it makes me fearful of what I was touching that night.

Coleman 09-14-2005 11:26 AM

yeast infection

Madmartagen 09-14-2005 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coleman
yeast infection

spank:

Himmler 09-14-2005 11:29 AM

if your that drunk, it takes like a whole morning to get sober, not an hour.

it goes one drink = one hour, if you know what i mean

Miscguy 09-14-2005 11:31 AM

+ 1 for driving drunk, though -1 for not killing yourself or someone else doing so.

also -47 for going near a fat chick.

Anita_Man 09-14-2005 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arkan
-1 for driving under the influence.

As for the bad sex.....been there, done that. I remember coming home from this girls house and had this wicked stank coming from my crotch. Her pussy smelt like a rotting corpse and i couldn't get home fast enough to wash my dick. Why did i fuck her you ask? Well, her name started with a "Y" and i needed that letter for my lil' alphabet fuck game. (fucking my way through the alphabet A-Z)

Chalk that up to experience my friend and never get behind the wheel unless you're 100% sober and not "stumbling" through the door.


Finding a X might be hard or did you get one already?

Coleman 09-14-2005 11:45 AM

[quote="Anita_Head":2eaf4]
Quote:

Originally Posted by Arkan
-1 for driving under the influence.

As for the bad sex.....been there, done that. I remember coming home from this girls house and had this wicked stank coming from my crotch. Her pussy smelt like a rotting corpse and i couldn't get home fast enough to wash my dick. Why did i fuck her you ask? Well, her name started with a "Y" and i needed that letter for my lil' alphabet fuck game. (fucking my way through the alphabet A-Z)

Chalk that up to experience my friend and never get behind the wheel unless you're 100% sober and not "stumbling" through the door.


Finding a X might be hard or did you get one already?[/quote:2eaf4]He fucked Xena the worrior princess.

Pyro 09-14-2005 11:47 AM

Ive always been able to make sure that im not going to fuck some fat chick...though fuck theres been times when i couldn't fucking tell for a bit.

wintersforge 09-14-2005 01:52 PM

most guys have nailed a burger hunny in their sexual exploits....

i was gang raped by a group of them senior year of highschool. went ot the eastern shore..party was broken up by cops and friends and i needed a place to crash for a few days. "big gurls" from my school put us up, fed us, got us wasted and sucked our schlongs till they bled...ah good times oOo:

Coleman 09-14-2005 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wintersforge
most guys have nailed a burger hunny in their sexual exploits....

i was gang raped by a group of them senior year of highschool. went ot the eastern shore..party was broken up by cops and friends and i needed a place to crash for a few days. "big gurls" from my school put us up, fed us, got us wasted and sucked our schlongs till they bled...ah good times oOo:

lol

does your wife know about that? biggrin:

Bleuachdu 09-14-2005 02:08 PM

that pic belongs on myspace... and ffs don't drive drunk

Simo Häyhä 09-14-2005 02:19 PM

fat chicks need love too

Akuma 09-14-2005 02:23 PM

[quote="Simo Häyhä":1b3a4]fat chicks need love too[/quote:1b3a4]
lies

Unknown_Sniper 09-14-2005 02:34 PM

[quote=Poseidon]
Quote:

Originally Posted by "Unknown_Sniper":5a89d
I wont drive if Im sober and hungover

eek:[/quote:5a89d]

Way to be retarded retard. You clearly tried to make a funny but then failed and hid in a closet.

plzdie:

wintersforge 09-14-2005 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coleman
Quote:

Originally Posted by wintersforge
most guys have nailed a burger hunny in their sexual exploits....

i was gang raped by a group of them senior year of highschool. went ot the eastern shore..party was broken up by cops and friends and i needed a place to crash for a few days. "big gurls" from my school put us up, fed us, got us wasted and sucked our schlongs till they bled...ah good times oOo:

lol

does your wife know about that? biggrin:

depends on the woman. we were both wild as youngsters sowing out oats if you will seeing what life is all about. ive recounted parts of this story to her but not in full glorious detail...

Merlin122 09-14-2005 02:43 PM

big women are great. what are you complaining about? spank:

Mancer 09-14-2005 03:16 PM

Lol ive got that same cate pistol The Zhen Ming.

[url=http://img318.imageshack.us/my.php?image=image039ih.png:bc8bd][img]http://img318.imageshack.us/img318/5636/image039ih.th.png[/img][/url:bc8bd]


OR atleast it looks like a Cate Gun.

bukdez 09-14-2005 04:17 PM

SOUNDED FUN!...

eeves 09-14-2005 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KTOG
Almost been there many a times. Then jesus whispers in my ear to not do it.

lmao...

Nyck 09-14-2005 04:55 PM

Pablo dude...you totally look like fucking Jeremy Piven

[img]http://www.channelguidemag.com/piven/images/piven_2.jpg[/img]

imported_Fluffy_Bunny 09-14-2005 04:59 PM

shes gotta b able to light a match on her legs & then smoke a cig with her pussy

Vance 09-14-2005 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arkan
As for the bad sex.....been there, done that. I remember coming home from this girls house and had this wicked stank coming from my crotch. Her pussy smelt like a rotting corpse and i couldn't get home fast enough to wash my dick. Why did i fuck her you ask? Well, her name started with a "Y" and i needed that letter for my lil' alphabet fuck game. (fucking my way through the alphabet A-Z)

You probably have HIV.

Mancer 09-14-2005 06:31 PM

[quote="Fluffy_Bunny":8bfa9]shes gotta b able to light a match on her legs & then smoke a cig with her pussy[/quote:8bfa9]

ROFL

Scorpion -]M15F1T[- 09-14-2005 07:57 PM

[img]http://viral.lycos.co.uk/attachments/2467/fat_baywatch.jpg[/img]

Himmler 09-14-2005 08:11 PM

[quote="Scorpion -]M15F1T[-":72d60][img]http://viral.lycos.co.uk/attachments/2467/fat_baywatch.jpg[/img][/quote:72d60]

i just threw up my smoothie

lasagna 09-14-2005 08:12 PM

that dance vid was queer

Mancer 09-14-2005 08:13 PM

Wrong Thread?

Scorpion -]M15F1T[- 09-14-2005 08:14 PM

^^ wrong thread??????????? eek:

Himmler 09-14-2005 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lasagna
that dance vid was queer

spank:


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