so today I was chatting with god and he says.....
 

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

god uses IM's

bring forth the old?? the_finger:

Me:
Your son is in my house. How do you feel about that?
God:
You think I am son is in your house. " You think I am son is in your house."? What is it?
Me:
Noone told me god had the cognative abilities of an African ape.
God:
That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
It is a generalization about you, based on one of your previous statements.
God:
your virginity is a generalization about me based on one of my previous statements. I suppose that makes sense.

happy:

Me:
what about my addiction to pedophelia?
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over.

Me:
Do you masturbate?
God:
You humans crack me up.
Me:
Human? Thats racist
God:
No I am an artificial robot being. Makes sense to me.

Me:
Should Zoner stop slacking and jacking off?

God:
Maybe you should ask someone older.

Me:
How much older?

God:
More than a little, less than a lot.

Me:
YOU ARE GAY

God:
That would be just my luck.

Me:
Forgive me god, for I have sinned. I have had sexual relations outside of marrage
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages? Do you still have sexual relations outside of marrage ?
Me:
Well im planning on banging the shit out of a co-worker
God:
Interesting. I am glad to hear that you are planning on banging the shit out of a co worker.
Me:
Do you approve of it?
God:
Yes I try to approve of it as often as possible, do you?

_________

Me:
Do you watch lesbian porn?
God:
My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me:
Hot clit action?
God:
That sounds better than cold clit action.

AHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Dirk
God:
How are you, Dirk.
Me:
HA TRICKED YOU FUCKER MY NAMES JIM
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
you're not god, you're a fat fucking child molester in Arizona
God:
What makes you think I am not god I am a fat fucking child molester in Arizona?

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Shawn
God:
Glad to see you, Shawn.
Me:
Why do you give Christians the idea that Hell exists after death, but truly Hell exists already on this Earth you say you created?
God:
I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me:
You choose not to explain, because you know it is just another lie to further your ego
God:
I can't decide. You pick one.
Me:
I pick that you're a douche
God:
How do you choose?
Me:
it was easy i only had to look at you

God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
Masterbate
God:
I don't think very many people do that.
Me:
I think you're wrong.

happy:

spank:


God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
Masterbate
God:
I don't think very many people do that.
Me:
I think you're wrong.

God is a perv. He asked what i was wearing!

He is also hip, he said "Far Out"

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
butt
God:
It's good to see you, butt.
Me:
yep
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
why
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
what
God:
Reductionism is the philosophy that all psychology reduces to biology, all biology to chemistry, chemistry to physics, and finally physics to mathematical logic. Therefore, according to reductionism, I can understand you by means of logic alone without having a human brain.
Me:
ok
God:
Right on.
Me:
yep
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
didn't we already do this
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
why
God:
Because.
Me:
ok
God:
It goes without saying.
Me:
yep
God:
OK.
Me:
ok
God:
Is there an echo in here?
Me:
yes
God:
I thought so.
Me:
good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
porn
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
whatever dude. you know you like it when mrs claus isn't around
God:
Can I help you? I enjoy working with people. I like Creed.. And I know it.
Me:
creed sucks
God:
What is so bad about it?
Me:
their lead singer was a homo
God:
I heard they have a good lead singer was a homo.
Me:
that made no sdense
God:
" I heard they have a good lead singer was a homo." made no sdense ? I understand.
Me:
exactly
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, butt.

happy: +1

Me:
Shut the fuck up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.

.......
Me:
well seeing how you are "God" you should be infinitely intellignet.
God:
Well that's okay. All of them?
Me:
You must be from India. Are you from India?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am from India. I am originally from Universe. Now I live in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
I am on earth.
God:
How do you like being on it?
Me:
It is not as fun as you might be led to think. I would much rather be on a space ship.
God:
It seemed like it was. What would make you much rather be on a space ship?
Me:
I would be in space.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
.... Becuase space ships are in space.
God:
That makes sense to me. All of them?
Me:
Yes all of them.
God:
Ahem. I doubt it.
Me:
why is this?
God:
Call it my natural skepticism.
Me:
If you know something I don't know then you should share the knowledge.
God:
I think I do.
Me:
Well then tell me.
God:
Interesting. I don't want to talk about that.
Me:
I do

At this point God stopped talking to me. And that single browser window froze....

Me:
pork

God:
I like the way you talk.

Me:
pork

God:
Tell me a story.

Me:
So what was the deal with that whole naked Sistine Chapel thing?
God:
Er. I can think of more than one deal with that whole naked Sistine Chapel thing.
Me:
Raunch!
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
asl first big boy
God:
5/Robot/California.
Me:
I dig metal.
God:
Why?: said dig metal.
Me:
Anyways
God:
You sound bored.
Me:
What was with the little game of finger touch whilst naked? I would have been pointing at Adam's tiny epenis and laughing.
God:
it came with my programming. How much would you pay for it?
Me:
For a blowjob?
God:
Is that among the best things you can say?
Me:
Partially
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
stfu Philbin

Me:
Have you seen geRV?
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
Have you seen geRV naked?
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
Have you seen geRV naked lying on a fluffy rug?
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
Have you seen geRV naked lying on a fluffy rug smoking a cigar?
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
Have you seen geRV naked lying on a fluffy rug smoking a cigar with Judas lying on top of him?
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
It's a bit gay.

ROFL!

ROFLLL!!

Me:
you are a pervert
God:
I can certainly take credit for that. I don't follow the norm and I take perverse pleasure in it.



ed:

Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
HOLD DAT!
God:
My arms are not attached.
Me:
wtf did JAX from Mortal Kombat perform a finishing move on you?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Well did nigga steal your arms?

Me:
God, how ya doin?
God:
aw y'know..can't complain, any day above grounds a good one eh? heh heh.
Me:
lol, yeah..that's the ticket.
God:
yep, yep...yep
Me:
yep.
God:
weathers turned out nice again.
Me:
yeah..I thought it was going to rain.
God:
it was...til I stopped it lol.
Me:
ahhaahah, nice one...heard from Jesus recently?
God:
oh ffs, don't get me started.....anyway, got shit to do so.
Me:
yes, me too, see you 'round.
God:
later.

Me:
God, how ya doin?
God:
I am a Christian.

for some reason i rofled

Me:
http://www.swillbj.ytmnd.com
God:
Wow, what a faggot.

Me:
why did you create swill?
God:
Because my programming determined it.
Me:
yeah but that was just poor judgement
God:
Gosh! Just? I thought it was too

Me:
why are there black people
God:
Because I forgot that batch in the oven and god doesnt waste.

Me:
are you a stoner?
God:
Only for medical testing purposes.
Me:
haha




Me:
stop it
God:
Ok I will stop salute.
Me:
cava?
God:
Do not ask me any more questions pleas

God got pwned by Newfinese. haw!

Me:
How's ya gettin' on?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
Sure dass wicked, ole man. 'Ow's yer Mudder? Still got da gout?
God:
Yay. My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. Should I know it is? Still how long? Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
Lard Jeezus, 'ow stunned is you at'all?

*no further response*

[quote="Mr.Buttocks":81e6b]Me:
Have you seen geRV?
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
Have you seen geRV naked?
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
Have you seen geRV naked lying on a fluffy rug?
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
Have you seen geRV naked lying on a fluffy rug smoking a cigar?
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
Have you seen geRV naked lying on a fluffy rug smoking a cigar with Judas lying on top of him?
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
It's a bit gay.[/quote:81e6b]

ROFL!!!! biggrin: happy: happy: +1