Alliedassault - Spank the monkey

Abusing the wicked stick.
Accosting the Oscar Meyer.
Addressing Mr. Palmer.
Aiding and abetting a known felon
Appropriate the means.
Arm aroebics.
Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
Audition your hand puppet
Backstroke Roulette.
Barking up the wrong tree
Bash the bishop.
Bash the Candle.
Battling the purple-helmeted warrior.
Be your own best friend
Beat off.
Beat Pete.
Beat the bishop.
Beat the bologna.
Beat the butter.
Beat the dummy.
Beat the meat.
Beat the pud
Beat the stick.
Beat up your date
Beat your meat like it owes you money.
Beef tips stroking off
Bequeath your genes.
Beta testing your hardware.
Bleed the lizard.
Bleed the weed.
Bloating the vein.
Blow your load.
Blow your own horn
Bludgeon the beefsteak.
Bob the hog.
Bombing the German helmut.
Bop the baloney.
Bop the bologna
Bop the bonzo
Box the Jesuit.
Box with Richard
Boxin the Ballsack.
Boxin' the Bozak.
Break one off.
Break you off at the wrist.
Bringing Mr. Weasel back from the dead.
Brushing up on your typing skills
Buck the bone.
Buff the banana.
Buff the mushroom.
Buff the wood.
Bugger your hand
Building upper-body strength
Burp the baby
Burp the baldman.
Burp the worm.
Bust a nut.
Butter the corn.
Calling in the secret service
Caning the vandal
Carnal tunnel syndrome.
Caulk the tile.
Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile
Charge the rod.
Charm the serpent/snake.
Charm the snake
Check for testicular cancer
Check the oil.
Cheese off
Chipping wood.
Choke Charlie 'till he chunders.
Choke Kojak
Choke the chicken.
Choke the ghost.
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come.
Chong your schlong.
Churning butter.
Clamp the pipe
Clean your pipes.
Clean your rifle.
Cleaning out your account
Clear the snorkel
Climb the tree
Closet Frisbee
Closing the deal.
Clubbing the baby seal.
Cocking some soup.
Combing the hair on your bald pig Sally
Combing your hair
Come into your own.
Communicating with Red Leader One.
Communing with nature
Conking the Cardinal.
Consulting with your silent partner
Converse with Harry Palm.
Corral your tadpole
Corralling the tadpoles.
Couch hockey for one
Crab tease.
Crack off a batch.
Cracking off.
Cracking the bat.
Crank the love pump
Crank the shank.
Cream the cheeze.
Cream your corn.
Cream your jeans.
Creamed beef.
Create an arch.
Crimp the wire
Crown the king.
Crushing pop cans in the dark
Cuddle the kielbasa
Cuff the carrot.
Culture the American Blood Sausage.
Daisy-chaining
Dancing in the dragon's fiery breath
Dancing with the one-eyed sailor
Date Miss Michigan
Date Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters
Date Palmala Handerson.
Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters
Date Rosy palm and her 5 sisters.
Defrosting the fridge
Diddle.
Diddling the dinky.
Digital penile oscillation
Dilly with the willy.
Dinging the dong.
Discipline your soldier.
Discovering your own potential
Discussing Uganda.
Disobey the Pope.
Distributing free literature
Do handiwork
Do it your way
Do the janitor thing
Do the white knuckler
Doin' extra credit.
Doin' the Hand Jive.
Doing your homework
Donkey Spank.
Downloading from your own website.
Dra en handtralla.
Drain Charle's Dickens.
Drain the monster.
Driving the skin bus.
Drizzle the squid.
Dry humping the ottoman
Dry-firing your musket.
Dunking the dolphin.
Dusting the old trophy.
Eating grapes with the one-armed man
Educating Peter.
Electing the President
Empty the cannon.
Encapsulate your probe.
Engage in safe sex
Erupting Vesuvius.
Evacuating Tatooine.
Evicting the testicular squatters.
Excercise your rights.
Exercise one's right
Exercising your right to privacy
Express yourself.
Extracting some crack spackle.
Facha la manuela.
Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love
Feed the ducks.
Feed the fist.
Feeding bologna to the Smurfs
Feeling your way around
Fencing with the pork sword.
Fiddle the flesh flute
Fidget with your digit.
Fight the Champ.
Fire the hand cannon.
Fire the Surgeon General.
Fire the wobbly warhead.
Firing off a round.
Firing the flesh musket.
Firing the pound gun
Fishing with dynamite
Fist fuck.
Fist kebabing
Fist of fury.
Fist your mister.
Five against one.
Five finger discount.
Five knuckle shuffle.
Fixing the Hubble.
Flail the whale.
Flick your Bic
Fling your phallus
Flip the bishop
Flipping your omelet
Flog the bishop
Flog the dolphin
Flog the dong
Flog the log
Flog the mule
Flogging the egg man
Fly fishing
Fondle your flagpole
Free Willy
Frost the pastries
Frosting your maple bar
Frying up the corndog
Gallop the old lizard
Gardening with the golden trowel
Genital stimulation via phallengetic motion
Get a date with Slick Mittens
Get the German soldier marching
Get to know yourself
Get your pole varnished
Give it a tug
Give your low five
Giving the half-blind dog a run for his money
Go a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
Go blind
Go on a date with Fisty Palmer
Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
Go the blow
Going Hans Solo on Darth Vader's head
Goose the gherkin
Grease the pipe
Greasing the three-legged cow
Hacerse la manuela
Hacerse la paja.
Hack off.
Hack the hog.
Hand crank.
Hand job.
Hand to gland combat.
Hand work.
Hard labor
Have it off.
Have one off the wrist
Having a staff meeting.
Having a whack attack.
Helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college
Helping the python shed its skin.
Herkin the Gherkin.
Hit on Rosy Palm.
Hitchhike to heaven
Hitchhike under the big top.
Hitchhike underneath the big top
Hittin' the wood.
Hitting too close to home
Hoisting your own petard
Hold the bishop
Hold the bold.
Hold the mayo.
Hold the sausage hostage
Holding your own
Hone the cone
Honk your horn
Hosing down the driveway
Hotdog-a-rama.
Hotfooting it to the nearest exit
Hug the hog
Hump the horn.
Hump your hose.
Huskin' corn.
Ignite the Lightsaber.
Infiltrate your crabs.
Innoculate the newborn.
Introducing the Master of Ceremonies.
Investing in pork bellies
Invoking the Oscar Meyer love spell
Jack hammer
Jack off.
Jack the corn.
Jack the joystick.
Jack the sack.
Jack your Jizz.
Jack your monkey.
Jack yourself.
Jackhammer.
Jack'n the beanstalk.
Jalarle el pescuezo al ganso.
Jam the joystick.
Jazz yourself
Jerk Jamby
Jerk off.
Jerk the Gherkin.
Jerk the Turk.
Jerk your rope.
Jerkin' the jerky.
Jerkin' the noodle.
Jerkin' the wheel.
Jiggling the dice.
Jostling your Elder.
Juice your fruit.
Jumping to Delight Speed.
Kill the Pope.
Knock on wood.
Knuckle shuffle on the old piss pump.
Lap-based web browsing.rowsing
Lash the length.
Launching the Tadpoles.
Left to your own devices
Lehavi Bayad.
Letting the cat out of the bag
Lightening the load.
Lighting the candle.
Lightsaber practice with Captain Solo.
Liquidating the inventory
Little pinky hit the slinky.
Loading the cannon.
Locking the bathroom door
Locking your roommate out so you can call your parents.
Look for ticks
Looking for clues with Fred and Daphne
Lope the mule.
Lope the pork sword.
Love the Muppet
Love's labors lost
Lube the cord.
Lubricating the love monkey
Make a foreskin cone
Make instant pudding
Make one-eye cry.
Make silly with the willy.
Make the bald man puke.
Making a cash withdrawal
Making a six-fist.
Making chowder with sailor Ned
Making duck butter.
Making it up as you go along
Making magic with leftovers
Making oyster soup.
Making pancakes on your stomach.
Making soup
Making the bald man cry
Making the bread rise
Making the Kessel Run.
Making the world safe for democracy
Making wall-paper paste.
Mangle the midget
Manipulate the mango.
Manistrupation.
Mannin' the Cannon.
Manual labor
Manual override.
Manually assisted wet dream.
Manually increasing the surface temperature of the ship's primary cannon by repeated linear manipulation.
Manually targeting the Rebel Base.
Massage the fireman's neck.
Massage the one-eyed monk.
Master Bacon, meet Rosie Hancock
Maximize your potency.
Meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
Meet Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters.
Meet your right-hand man.
Messin' with Moby.
Milk the lizard.
Milk the maggot.
Milk the member.
Milk the moose
Milk the self
Mix up a batch.
Mount a corporal and a four.
Mount a corporal and four
Much goo about nothing
Murder the Bishop.
Mustard on the burger.
Nerk your throbber.
Null the void
Oil the glove.
Onanera.
Onan's olympics.
One gun salute
One man band
One off the wrist.
One-eye target practice.
One-hand jam.
One-man show.
One-night-stand with yourself
Opening the flood gates
Oscillating the Oscar Meyer.
Pack your palm.
Packaging the ol' sausage.
Paddle the pickle.
Paint the ceiling.
Paint the pickle.
Painting the flag pole
Painting the picket fence
Palm the calm
Passing math.
Passing math.
Pat the Robertson.
Paying at the turnpike
Peel the banana
Peeling the chile.
Perform diagnostics on your man tool
Performing the Jedi Hand Trick.
Perm your poodle.
Pet the lizard
Petting the silk worm.
Petting the snake.
Petting the Wookie.
Phone the czar.
Pip the pumpkin
Pitch a knuckle ball.
Play a little five-on-one
Play a one-stringed guitar
Play five against one
Play in a one-man show
Play peek-a-boo
Play pocket pinball
Play pocket pool
Play tag with the pink torpedo
Play the skin flute
Play tug-o-war with Cyclops
Play Uno
Play with your Willy Wanker.
Playin' the hairy banjo.
Playing a solo on your meat whistle.
Playing closet Frisbee.
Playing it safe
Playing Nintendo.
Playing soapy Peter.
Playing the fiddle.
Playing the flesh trombone.
Playing the hairy banjo.
Playing the man-flute.
Playing the one-stringed melody
Playing the pink oboe.
Playing the single-string air guitar
Playing the skin flute.
Playing with the pink Power Ranger.
Playing with your 6th finger.
Playing with your big Alien.
Playing Yahtzee.
Please your pisser.
Pluckin' your chicken.
Plugging in the toaster
Plunk your twanger.
Pocket pinball.
Pocket pool.
Pocket the rocket.
Polish Percy in your palm
Polish the bayonet.
Polish the bishop.
Polish the family jewels
Polish the helmet
Polish the knob.
Polish the log.
Polish the Oscar.
Polish the pole.
Polish the rocket.
Polish the rock-hard staff of St. Peter
Polish the shooter.
Polish the sword.
Polish the Viper.
Polish Vader's Helmet.
Polish your antlers.
Polish your helmet.
Polish your horn.
Polishing Charlie Brown.
Polishing Percy.
Popping the zit.
Portuguese Pump.
Pound off.
Pound the bald-headed moose
Pound the bobo.
Pound the pelican.
Pound the pud
Pound the pudding.
Pound your flounder.
Pound your pud.
Pounding the fence post
Pow-wow with the one-eyed Redskin.
Practice the Heimlich Maneuver.
Practice your Kung-Fu Grip.
Prepare the carrot
Prime the pump
Prime the womb cannon.
Puff the one-eyed dragon.
Pull off.
Pull one out.
Pull rank
Pull the bologna pony
Pull the carrot
Pull the ducks neck.
Pull the goalie
Pull the Pope
Pull the pud
Pull the pudding.
Pull the root.
Pull your own leg
Pull your prick.
Pull your pud.
Pull your taffy
Pulling a solo session.
Pulling on Peter.
Pulling the goalie.
Pulling your own weight
Pulling yourself up by your own bootstrap
Pummel the love truncheon.
Pump the monkey.
Pump the python.
Pump the stump
Pumping gas at the self-service island.
Punch the clown
Punch the munchkin
Punching the clown.
Punching your puppet.
Punish Percy in your palm
Punish the Harlequin.
Punish the penguin.
Putting the seminal luge team through their paces.
Putting your best foot forward
Putting your foot down
Putting your thumb in the porridge
Raining on your parade
Raise the flag.
Rake your meat.
Ram the ham.
Ravage the innocent.
Read 'em his rights.
Reenact Old Faithful.
Releasing the hostages.
Releasing the Special Edition.
Relishing your hot dog
Rewinding your tape.
Ride the great white knuckler.
Riding the five-legged pony
Ringing for the elevator.
Rob the knob.
Rockin' the rhubarb.
Rolfing the piglet.
Roll your own
Rollig the dice.
Rolling it off the lot
Rolling your quarters.
Romeo and himself
Rope the goat.
Rope the pony.
Rope the Pope
Rough up the suspect.
Rub off.
Rub one out.
Rub the pink eraser
Rub the tub.
Rub your head.
Rubbing Buddha's tummy
Ruminating and pondering.
Run a batch.
Run off a batch by hand
Runka.
Running Peter through two-a-days.
Running the whack-a-thon
Sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights
Safest sex
Sailing the mayonnaise seas
Sailors' joy.
Salute the sailor.
Saluting the general
Sampling the secret sauce
Sand wood
Sanding the banister.
Schplitzing your schmeckel.
Scour the tower of power
Scraping the bottom of the barrel
Scratch the itch
Scratching Yoda behind the ears.
Screwing your courage to the sticking place
Secret handshake
Self abuse
Self-induced penile regurgitation
Sewing the seed.
Sex with someone you really love
Shag.
Shake hands with Abe Lincoln
Shake hands with the midget
Shake hands with the unemployed
Shake hands with your John Thomas
Shake hands with your wife's best friend
Shake hands with Yul Brynner
Shake the sauce
Shake the sausage
Shake the snake.
Shake the weasel.
Shakin' hands with little Elvis.
Shakin' hands with Mr. Happy.
Shakin' hands with Mr. Winkie.
Shakin' hands with the unemployed.
Shakin' hands with Yule Brenner.
Shakin' your fist at the ex-girlfriend.
Shakin' your hands at the sky.
Shakin' your own maracas.
Shaking hands with Dr. Winky
Shellac the shillelagh
Shemp the hog
Shift gears
Shifting gears.
Shine the barrel.
Shine the helmet
Shine the hose.
Shine your dolphin.
Shine your pole.
Shoe shine.
Shoot for the moon
Shoot putty at the moon
Shoot the airplane
Shoot your squirt.
Shoot your wak.
Shooting craps.
Shooting putty at the moon.
Shooting the bedroom gun.
Shooting the shark.
Shooting Womprats in Beggar's Canyon.
Shooting yourself in the foot
Shuck your corn
Shuffle the deck.
Sifting through the nest to find mama bird.
Single dingles.
Siphoning off the tank.
Sizing things up
Slakin' the bacon.
Slam the ham.
Slam the hammer.
Slam the salami
Slam the salmon
Slam the Spam
Slammin' the salmon.
Slap high fives with Yul Brynner
Slap it
Slap pappy
Slap the carrot
Slap the clown
Slap the donkey
Slap the purple-headed yogurt pistol
Slap the salami
Slap your head.
Slappin' Pappy.
Slappin' the Cap'n.
Slapping Johnny on the back
Slapping the clown.
Slapping the salomi.
Slaying the one-eyed monster.
Slimmer.
Sling some spooge.
Sling the jelly.
Slog the log.
Smack the salami
Smacking the sausage.
Smiting the pink knight
Snap the carrot.
Snap the monkey
Snap the radish.
Snap the rubber.
Snap the whip.
Snuggle the nozzle.
Soldier's toy.
Solo flight
Solo marathon
Solo sex
Solo spit.
Soviet U-boat Commander Jackoff Ruboneoff.
Spackling the ceiling.
Spam Wham.
Spank Elvis
Spank the bishop
Spank the carrot.
Spank the frank.
Spank the hangdown.
Spank the monkey.
Spank the salami
Spank the tank.
Spank the wank.
Spank your little boy.
Spanking the rooster
Spela fickpingis.
Spela skinntrombon.
Spending your Christmas bonus
Spinning the record.
Spit one off.
Spit the seeds.
Spit-shining the boots.
Splat the cat.
Sprayin' the spectators.
Spreading some super life.
Sprinklin' the lawn.
Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the juice
Squeeze the lemon.
Squeeze the toothpaste in the middle of the tube
Squeeze your cheese-dog
Squeezing the cream filling from the twinkie.
Squeezing the Creamy Filter.
Squeezing the happy lumberjack
Squeezing the squid.
Squirt one off.
Squirtin' Burton.
Stewing in your own juices
Stinky pinky
Stir the batter
Stir the yogurt
Straddle your paddle.
Strain the main vein
Straining your cabbage
Strangle Mr. Jesus.
Strangle the dangle.
Strangle the dangle.
Stretching the truth
Strip-mining with the spaghetti man
Stroke off.
Stroke off.
Stroke the carrot
Stroke the dog.
Stroke the goat.
Stroke the mole
Stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
Stroke the purple-nosed gusset ferret.
Stroke the satin-headed serpent
Stroke the trumpet.
Stroke your ego.
Stroke your poker.
Stroke your Twinkie
Stroke your wookie.
Strokem your scrotum.
Stroking it.
Stroking Steven.
Stroking the schlong.
Stroking the Scooby.
Strumming the one-string harp
Stuck in left field.
Suffocate the organ.
Surfing on the Milky Highway.
Taffy pulling contest.
Taffy tugger.
Tajja.
Take a beating.
Take a load off your mind.
Take a ride on the mean spanking machine.
Take little Johnny dancing down at Knuckle Junction.
Take matters into your own hands
Take ol' stiff neck to the movies.
Take part in population control
Take the fifth
Take the monster for a one-armed ride
Take yourself in hand.
Taking a few practice shots
Taking a load off
Taking hand.
Talk quietly to yourself
Tame the bald headed mouse.
Tame the monster.
Tame the shrew.
Taunt the one-eyed weasel
Teach your dog to spit.
Teach yourself a lesson.
Teach Yule Brenner some respect.
Teach Yule Brenner some respect.
Teaching the Cyclops the lambada
Tease the weenie
Tease the weenie.
Tease the weenie.
Tenderize the meat.
Tenderize the meat.
Tenderize the tube steak
Tending to your own affairs
Test the flashlight.
Test the flashlight.
Test your batteries
Test-fire the Death Star.
That crazy hand jive
The tube of cream.
The tube of cream.
Thrash your thing
Thropping your marrow.
Thropping your marrow.
Throw out.
Throw out.
Throw the ball around.
Throw the ball around.
Thump the pump
Thump the pump.
Thump the pump.
Thump your thong
Tickle the ivory
Tickle the pickle
Tickle the taco
Tickle your pickle.
Tickle your pickle.
Ticklewigglejigglepickle
Tickling your Elmo.
Tinkering with the R2 unit.
Tipping off the inspector
Tocar con mi pinga.
Tocar con mi pinga.
Torment the Trouser Trout.
Torment the Trouser Trout.
Torquing the wrench.
Torquing the wrench.
Toss off.
Toss off.
Toss the snag
Toss the turkey
Toss yogurt
Tossing the ham javelin.
Tossing the ham javelin.
Train the Love Porpoise.
Train the Love Porpoise.
Trim your antlers.
Trim your antlers.
Trim your horn.
Trying to pull something off.
Tug o' war with ol' Cyclops.
Tug o' war with ol' Cyclops.
Tug the slug
Tugging the tapioca tube.
Tugging the tapioca tube.
Tuning the fork.
Tuning the fork.
Turn the knob.
Twang the wire
Tweak your twiddle.
Tweak your twiddle.
Tweak your Twinkie
Twirl the squirrel.
Twist your crank
Twist your turnip.
Twistin' the Piston.
Twistin' the Piston.
ubmitted by Jake W.
Umroj.
Umroj.
Unleash the fury.
Unleash the fury.
Unleashing the alabaster yak
Unloading passengers from the five-car train.
Unloading the gun
Unpacking the moving van
Unsheathing the meatsaber.
Unsheathing the pork sword.
Vaccinate the baby.
Vaccinate the baby.
Varnish the flagpole.
Varnishing the banister
Virtual sex.
Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters.
Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters.
Visiting with Papa Smurf
Vomit the viper.
Wack the weasel.
Wake the dead
Walk the dog
Walk the plank
Walking a mile in Mr. Wiggly's shoes
Walking old one-eye.
Walking old one-eye.
Wallowing in self pity
Wank the crank.
Wank with the one-eyed wonder weasel
Wank.
Wanking one-eyed Willy.
Wanking the one-eyed wonder worm.
Wanking the scube.
Warming up the altar boys' dinner.
Wash the meat
Washing the goose's neck.
Washing the hog.
Wasting babies.
Wasting babies.
Wave the wand.
Wax the bean.
Wax the board.
Wax the Buick.
Wax the candle stick.
Wax the carrot.
Wax the dolphin.
Wax the musket.
Wax the womb broom.
Wax your surfboard.
Waxin' n' Milkin'
Whack it
Whack little Mac.
Whack off.
Whack on your back.
Whack the pud.
Whack the weasel
Whack the yak.
Whack Willy
Whack you willy.
Whack your Magic Johnson.
Whip off.
Whip the dummy.
Whip the one-eyed trouser snake
Whip the one-eyed worm
Whip the rat
Whip the stiff
Whip the wire.
Whip up some sour cream
Whip your dripper.
Whippin' the mule.
Whippin' the pony.
Whippin' the weasel.
Whipping Dripping.
Whipping your Skippy.
Whipping your Willy.
Whitewashing with Huck and Tom
Whittle the stick
Whittling Dixie.
Whizzin' Jizzum.
Wiggling your walrus
Willy wanking.
Winding the Wurlitzer.
Windsurf on Mount Baldy
Wonk your conker.
Work off.
Work things out
Workin' the Jerkin.
Working at your own speed
Working late at the office
Working up a foamy lather
Working without Annette
Wrestle the bald-headed champion.
Wrestle the dragon
Wrestle the eel
Wrestle with Cyclops.
Wrestle with Cyclops.
Wrestling with the bald champ
Wring out your rope
Wringin' out the tube steak.
Wringin' the towel.
Wrist aerobics
Yang your wang.
Yank off.
Yank off.
Yank the crank
Yank the plank.
Yank the shank.
Yank the yam.
Yank the Yoda (Do or do not; there is no try.)
Yank the Yoda (Do or do not; there is no try.)
Yank the yo-yo
Yank your plank
Yank your strap.
Yank your wank.
Yankee your Wankee
Yerk off.
Yoinkin' off
Yuckin' your choad.
Zoot Flute Riot.