Alliedassault - more french bashing

biggrin:

Q: How can you recognize a French veteran?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q: Anyone hear about the new tank that was designed by the French?
A: It has 1 gear for forward and 6 for reverse

Q: Why does the new French Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see the old French Navy

Q: How do you tell a French airplane from all others?
A: It's the one with the hair under the wings.

Q: What is a Frenchman with a sheep and a goat under each arm?
A: Bisexual.

Q-how can you tell if a Frenchmen has been in your backyard?
A-your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant!

Did you hear about the old French rifles for sale on Ebay? ... Never been
fired, dropped only once.

"France is now being hit by an extreme heat-wave, so the French government
is advising its citizens to "stay indoors and do nothing" ... You know, like
they did in WWII...."

In 1966 upon being told that Charles DeGaulle had taken France out of NATO
and that all U.S. Troops must be evacuated off of French soil President
Lyndon Johnson told Secretary of State Dean Rusk: "Ask him about the
cemeteries Dean!" So at end of the meeting Dean did ask DeGaulle if his
order to remove all U.S. troops from French soil also included the 60,000+
soldiers buried in France from World War I and World War II.

DeGaulle never answered.

FRENCH JOKES

"Going to war without France is like going duck hunting without your
accordion." -- Donald Rumsfeld, U.S. Secretary of Defense. Also attribute
to retired General Schwarzkopf and Ross Perot.

Going To War Without France Is Like...

...a Texas barbecue without a croissant...
...Marine Boot Camp without your Liza Minelli records...
...the ninth inning without your placekicker...
...the Normandy invasion without Yves St. Laurent..
...firing up your computer without a virus...
...holding a bachelor party without the bride...
...crossing the Sahara without a fishing pole...
...wearing a Speedo without suspenders...
...drinking iced tea without e-coli...
...attending a movie without five screaming babies...
...World War II. 'nuff said.

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" -- Jacques Chirac,
President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." -- Rush Limbaugh, Doctor of
Democracy

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together
in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went
through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in
the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise
and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel,
Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened
and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped
there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed
Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia
Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and
actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman
was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel
I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'

What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its
national will fighting against Disney World and Big Mac's than the Nazis?

An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French. . . . Raise
both hands if you are French.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows. They've never tried.

Q: Why are there so many tree-lined boulevards in France?
A: Germans like to march in the shade.

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the
1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the
face for it." -- John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

Q: What does the word "Maginot" mean in English?
A: "Welcome!"

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam
out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of
France!" -- Jay Leno

Q: What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the
city in WWII?
A: "Table for 100,000 m'sieur?"

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris
under a German flag." -- David Letterman