OFFICIAL: Jokes Thread
 

Ok, everyone tells a joke here. I thinl that's pretty straightforward, and none of you (with the possible exception of short hand) will require further explanation.

What's easier to get out of a pickup truck: Bowling balls or babies?

Babies: You can use a pitchfork..


What's worse than a truckfull of dead babies?

One live one eating it's way out.

What's worse than that?

Coming Back for seconds.


What's worse than ten dead babies stapled to a tree?

One dead baby stapled to ten trees.


Whats the difference between apples and babies?

I don't cum on apples before I eat them.


Whats the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Porsche in my garage.


What do you call three lepers in a hot-tub?

Stew.


Why did the leper get a speeding ticket?

He left his foot on the gas.

3 lepers in a hot-tub?... it would be one, otherwise the punch line is 'stews'... my dad told me that joke almost 20 years ago...

What's red and sits in a corner?

A baby playing with a razor blade.

What's green and sits in the corner?

That same baby three weeks later.

Too much "baby". annoy:

[quote="Mr.Buttocks":54626]Too much "baby". annoy:[/quote:54626]

baby jokes suck rolleyes: sleeping:

yea wtf, those blow

Three Blondes around a Christmas Tree....HO HO HO oOo:

/me remembers the ol racist joke thread at vc.net

One i learned just a week ago but you need to do it in person

You ask someone "Would you rather suck a rhinos dick or kiss a bunny on the nose"

Their likely answer will be the bunny, when they say that, pull out both of your pckets (lets hope they are empty, and white) and then say kiss the bunny.

happy:

Baby jokes are so 2003

On Christmas morning a police officer on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The officer says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Father Christmas bring that for you?" The kid says, "Yeah." So the officer says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a rear-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a 20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the officer rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Father Christmas bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the policeman says, "Yes, he certainly did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Father christmas to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

hahahaha

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the Devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water; he kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"HELL No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that Hammer, time after time after time.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said...."Monica, you're free to go!"

bwahahaha...

Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red Sox-Yankees playoff series, when they see a foot sticking out of some bushes. An inspection revealed a dead-drunk naked woman. One man placed his Orioles baseball cap on her right breast. The Red Sox fan placed his cap on her left breast, and the Yankee fan put his over her crotch. They then called the police.

The cop lifted up the Orioles cap, and made a few notes. He then lifted the Red Sox cap and made more notes. Then he lifted the Yankees cap, put it down, lifted it again and put it down. When he lifted it the third time the Yankee fan said, ''What are you doing? Are you some kind of pervert, or what?'' The cop said, I was just confused, usually when I see a Yankee cap, there's an asshole under it.''