Metal Genres Explained
 

In light of Akuma's declaration of his taste in music (blackdeathgrindindustrialsymphonicblackmelodicdea thgothicdoompaganthrashviking metal), here are the genres explained in easy-to-understand terms:

HEAVY METAL:

The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks
some beers and fucks the princess

GRIND METAL:

The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable
for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

POWER METAL:

The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the
dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest

TRASH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and
fucks her....... easy and quick

FOLK METAL:

The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins,
flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from
all the dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess

VIKING METAL:

The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy
axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle
and burns the place before he leaves

DEATH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and
kills her, then leaves

BLACK METAL:

The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it
in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her
blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the
deflowered princess

GORE METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the
front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her....then he fucks
again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, fucks
the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the
last time

DOOM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that
he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the
dragon eats his body and the princess as well

PROGRESSIVE METAL:

The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes,
the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to
the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques
learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes,
and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist

GLAM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and
lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the
castle in a beautiful pink color

INDUSTRIAL METAL:

The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene
gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by
security guards.

rock:

times sure have changed since the days of either Priest or Maiden camps. loved the industrial metal one.

Progressive metal cracked me up...heh heh.

hmm....

[quote="Short Hand":b1451]hmm....[/quote:b1451]
Problem?

I find it hard to beleive the black metal fan would do such a thing.... or hmm....

eek:

These ARE all based on factual eye-witness accounts from recent concerts around Scandanavia. Don't doubt it for one second.

hmm ?

rolleyes:
You're an idiot.

wait...... u laugh at ur own jokes? rock: rock: gg great post mate

Well, I didn't write these initially, dude...so they aren't "my" jokes. biggrin:

Nah, fuck that...I'll take credit for 'em. hellfire:

shasashksakh, they need to make one of these for all the "-cores" out there

HAHAHA!!! Fucking great! biggrin:

You forgot Gothic metal and Melodic Death though.


Gothic Metal would be something like: The Knight arrives on a cloud of shadow. The knights kills the dragon with the power of dark oblivion. The knights goes to the princess and removes his helmet to reveal that it is actually a female. The princess and knight have hot lesbian sex.






He shouldn't include the cores because this supposed to be about metal, not shit.

Hmmmmm... whonduhfeell.

lol at industrial metal. taken out by security