Alliedassault - Definitions for certain words

This had me rofling. Jess emailed it to me. maybe OFN.

WORDS WOMEN USE
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FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you
need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five
minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before
helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be
on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and
wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
"Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding
how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're
welcome.

Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can
avoid if they remember the terminology!

And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh

You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender.

For example:

1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you
can see right through them.

2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to
warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right
buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to
light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years,
but it's handy to have around.

10) Remote Control -- Female...... Ha! You thought it'd be male. But
consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while
he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.