Thoughts for the day
 

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and, presto, the blockage will be removed.


2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.


3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply
using the sink.


4. For high-blood-pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a
timer.


5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.


6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will
be afraid to cough.


7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget all about the toothache.


8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and
should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.


9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. So be brief
with people.


10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.






Thoughts for the day:


If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.


Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might
need them to empty your bedpan.


Some people are like "slinkies". They're not really good for anything; but
they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of
stairs.

happy: +1!!!

To add to these thoughts with some quotes that i think you might like

"You have ONE advantage over me.....you can kiss my ass and I can't!!"

"Treat everyone the same, till you find out there an idiot"

"Knowledge talks, wisdom listens"

"Practice safe eating — always use condiments."

"Don't let your mind wander, because it is too little to be left alone"

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
-Einstein-

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped."
-Albert Hubbard-

'Most people would die sooner than think; in fact, they do." -Bertrand Russell-

"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege."

" "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"

Some more thoughts...

23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.

Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second? William Jefferson Clinton

China has more English speakers than the United States (Now that says something)

Interesting...

happy:

Yea: They have over 3 times as many people.
their standing army is naerly 2/3rds of the total US population FFS

thats why i own a CETME rifle and hundreds of rounds of ammunition

[quote="Simo Häyhä":1ae24]thats why i own a CETME rifle and hundreds of rounds of ammunition[/quote:1ae24]
Even if they marched across the country, destroying all in their path, that wouldnt penetrate the first wave.