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Bazooka_Joe · 02-06-2003, 03:31 PM

A nun, a gerbil, a mosquito, two rabbis, and a talking horse walk into a bar. They all sit down at the bar. The bartender turns around, then says "What is this, some sort of joke?"

================================================== ==

A guy walks into a bar and gets a double shot of whiskey. He drinks it down, then notices a sign at the bar saying "Make $500, see bartender" He brings it to the bartender and asks him how to make the money.

"Well, you gotta do three tasks for me, then the money's yours:

1) "See that guy sitting at the table at the corner? That big 300-lb bastard keeps drinking his ass off, and hasen't paid his tab in months. If you can knock him out in one punch and drag him outback, you're 1/3 done."

2) "In the back alley by the trash, there's this damn bulldog that keeps trying to bite my ass everytime I go back there! From what I can see, the little bastard has a bad tooth, and ever since then hes been mean to everyone. Wrestle the little thing down, and yank that tooth out, and your 2/3 done."

3) "Across the street in the hotel lives a close friend of mine, Sister James. She recently took her final vows into nunnary, and has now become a full-fledged nun. I promised her it wouldn't last long, as I was going to get her laid. I want you to go over there, and give her the best loving you've ever given a women. After that, come back here with the condom, and the moneys yours!"

"That's sounds easy enough. Gimme another double shot, this will be done in no time!" He drinks the shot, heads over to the table, and WHAM! Knocks the guy out with one shot, then drags him out front. He walks back over to the table, and drinks the guys shot.

"Nice shot, now go get that dog." "Gimme another double first!" said the guy. He drinks it down, and starts to walk out of the bar, stumbling a bit from the alachol. The bartender hears the dog barking and growling, then shortly, he hears it whimpering and crying, then nothing at all. The guy comes back in the bar with his clothes ripped a bit and a grin on his face, and says "Gimme another double shot, I'm almost done!"

The bartender pours him one and says: "Go get her man, shes waiting for you!" The guy says "Right! I'll knock that loose tooth right out of that bitch!"

================================================== =

A man was on a plane flying over the pacific, when it crashed into the ocean. All of the crew except him is killed and he is trapped on an island. Lucky for him, there's plenty of food, water, and a nice shelter. He tries for days to contact the outside world for help, but no luck.

After a few weeks, he gets used to living there and decides he hasen't been laid in awhile. "If I don't get some action, I'll go mad! Ill take a woman, hell a man with a wig! Just gimme anything god, please!" A ray of light shoots out of the clouds, and the man sees a sheep sitting on top of a rock. The man decides he's getting some from this sheep. He goes to get beind the sheep, but out of a bush, a dog jumps out trying to bite him. "Dumb dog! I'll wait until dark to go after the sheep again!"

At night, the man searches for the sheep, and finds it sleeping by the beach. He sneaks up quietly, looks around, then goes for the sheep again. But again, a dog jumps out from a small rock, and tries to bite the man again. He runs off fustrated, wondering how the hell he can get to this sheep!

The next day, a plane crashes close to the island, and the man sees someone in the water struggling. He swims out and rescues a women, whom he brings to the beach. It turns out shes 6 foot, with a 36 D chest, and about 120 lbs. "Thank you SO much, you saved my life! I will give you anything you want in return!" "ANYTHING?!" the man exclaims. "ANYthing, she says, winking and smiling at him."

Overfilled with joy, he grabs her by the wrists, takes her down the beach, throws her down to the sand, and lays next to her. She smiles and says "So what do you want?" The man says "SSH! When I grab that sheep over there, you grab the dog that jumps out after me, OK?"

biggrin:

	(#9)
Bazooka_Joe is Offline Senior Member Posts: 12,585 Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Staten Island, NY, USA	02-06-2003, 03:31 PM A nun, a gerbil, a mosquito, two rabbis, and a talking horse walk into a bar. They all sit down at the bar. The bartender turns around, then says "What is this, some sort of joke?" ================================================== == A guy walks into a bar and gets a double shot of whiskey. He drinks it down, then notices a sign at the bar saying "Make $500, see bartender" He brings it to the bartender and asks him how to make the money. "Well, you gotta do three tasks for me, then the money's yours: 1) "See that guy sitting at the table at the corner? That big 300-lb bastard keeps drinking his ass off, and hasen't paid his tab in months. If you can knock him out in one punch and drag him outback, you're 1/3 done." 2) "In the back alley by the trash, there's this damn bulldog that keeps trying to bite my ass everytime I go back there! From what I can see, the little bastard has a bad tooth, and ever since then hes been mean to everyone. Wrestle the little thing down, and yank that tooth out, and your 2/3 done." 3) "Across the street in the hotel lives a close friend of mine, Sister James. She recently took her final vows into nunnary, and has now become a full-fledged nun. I promised her it wouldn't last long, as I was going to get her laid. I want you to go over there, and give her the best loving you've ever given a women. After that, come back here with the condom, and the moneys yours!" "That's sounds easy enough. Gimme another double shot, this will be done in no time!" He drinks the shot, heads over to the table, and WHAM! Knocks the guy out with one shot, then drags him out front. He walks back over to the table, and drinks the guys shot. "Nice shot, now go get that dog." "Gimme another double first!" said the guy. He drinks it down, and starts to walk out of the bar, stumbling a bit from the alachol. The bartender hears the dog barking and growling, then shortly, he hears it whimpering and crying, then nothing at all. The guy comes back in the bar with his clothes ripped a bit and a grin on his face, and says "Gimme another double shot, I'm almost done!" The bartender pours him one and says: "Go get her man, shes waiting for you!" The guy says "Right! I'll knock that loose tooth right out of that bitch!" ================================================== = A man was on a plane flying over the pacific, when it crashed into the ocean. All of the crew except him is killed and he is trapped on an island. Lucky for him, there's plenty of food, water, and a nice shelter. He tries for days to contact the outside world for help, but no luck. After a few weeks, he gets used to living there and decides he hasen't been laid in awhile. "If I don't get some action, I'll go mad! Ill take a woman, hell a man with a wig! Just gimme anything god, please!" A ray of light shoots out of the clouds, and the man sees a sheep sitting on top of a rock. The man decides he's getting some from this sheep. He goes to get beind the sheep, but out of a bush, a dog jumps out trying to bite him. "Dumb dog! I'll wait until dark to go after the sheep again!" At night, the man searches for the sheep, and finds it sleeping by the beach. He sneaks up quietly, looks around, then goes for the sheep again. But again, a dog jumps out from a small rock, and tries to bite the man again. He runs off fustrated, wondering how the hell he can get to this sheep! The next day, a plane crashes close to the island, and the man sees someone in the water struggling. He swims out and rescues a women, whom he brings to the beach. It turns out shes 6 foot, with a 36 D chest, and about 120 lbs. "Thank you SO much, you saved my life! I will give you anything you want in return!" "ANYTHING?!" the man exclaims. "ANYthing, she says, winking and smiling at him." Overfilled with joy, he grabs her by the wrists, takes her down the beach, throws her down to the sand, and lays next to her. She smiles and says "So what do you want?" The man says "SSH! When I grab that sheep over there, you grab the dog that jumps out after me, OK?" biggrin: