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Bazooka_Joe · 04-17-2003, 04:47 PM

Me: Do you wear a hairpeice?
Hitler: Whilst my hair is black, my eyes are brown - so knowing how self-obsessed I am, that is probably my favourite colour. Yes, I know they're supposed to be blue...I had bad eyesight and took cocaine eye drops to alleviate the discomfort. I refused to wear glasses, however, as I regarded this as a sign of weakness.

Me: Umm. . that's not what I asked. Is your hair fake?
Hitler: The 'Master Race' is the Aryan race - blonde haired, blue eyed. This race must triumph over all others, according to Social Darwinism; and I aimed to create a strong 'volk' of such people. That to me is the justification for my racism. Biologically, I don't claim to be a perfect example of the Aryan race - but I am keen to create this 'Master Race' of blonde haired, blue-eyed gods for the good of the German Reich! My wife, at least, fitted the picture!

Me: I know you speak German, but DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?!
Hitler: I understand more than you think.

Me: What do you think of Chris Tucker?
Hitler: You are obviously brainless as well as ugly. Life in Germany under the Nazis (National Socialists) depended very much on who you were. If you were an Aryan, then life could be good. If you were an 'undesirable' then things were very different indeed!

Me: Are you saying Chris Tucker is 'undesirable'?
Hitler: The 'Master Race' is the Aryan race - blonde haired, blue eyed. This race must triumph over all others, according to Social Darwinism; and I aimed to create a strong 'volk' of such people. That to me is the justification for my racism. Biologically, I don't claim to be a perfect example of the Aryan race - but I am keen to create this 'Master Race' of blonde haired, blue-eyed gods for the good of the German Reich! My wife, at least, fitted the picture!

Me: Yeah, you already said that. Do you know what a "Hitler's Moustache" is?
Hitler: I used to have a 'handlebar' moustache like my father, but in 1913 my siter-in-law suggested that I should cut off the points. Years later, when she saw my picture in a newspaper she said, 'Adolf has gone too far!'. Well, at least it's distinctive, I suppose...recently some people even painted my 'tache onto a poster of Britney Spears, arguing she was trying to take over the (pop) world!

Me: Unfunny. My girlfriend has a mustche on her crotch that looks like yours.
Hitler: My wife was Eva Braun (born 1912). Many people think I never made love to her (not that she was bothered). I liked her as she was a quiet, middle class Catholic from Munich. We married in May 1945 and we killed ourselves the following day: she poisoned herself, I shot myself. It was her decision to kill herself - I have nothing to feel guilty about.

Me: You should feel guilty, you probably sux0red in teh sack.
Hitler: I regret nothing I did and learned no lessons from anybody. I only failed to create a '1000-year Reich' because of the spinelessness of the German people.

Me: Liar. You didn't get the Reich cuz you were gay.
Hitler: There is no such thing as 'truth' - repeat any lie as often as you like and it becomes truth in the minds of the foolish masses.

Me: So can I call you gay again?
Hitler: I didn't have a strong sex drive, but there is no proof that I was homosexual. I was initially tolerant of homosexuals - a number of them had prominent positions in the party. However, as my ideas about eugenics hardened and they started to attract bad publicity I clamped down on them mercilessly - even those who had been instrumental in my rise to the top, such as Ernst Rohm.

Me: Proof? What about you hanging your hand over like a fairy?
Hitler: The idea that I wanted to take over the world is preposterous. I would have been happy just with Austria, Czachoslovakia, Poland, France and...oh, I see what you mean....

Me: I'm sorry to say, but you suck at interviews. I'm done here.
Hitler: I couldn't care less.

	(#35)
Bazooka_Joe is Offline Senior Member Posts: 12,585 Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Staten Island, NY, USA	04-17-2003, 04:47 PM Me: Do you wear a hairpeice? Hitler: Whilst my hair is black, my eyes are brown - so knowing how self-obsessed I am, that is probably my favourite colour. Yes, I know they're supposed to be blue...I had bad eyesight and took cocaine eye drops to alleviate the discomfort. I refused to wear glasses, however, as I regarded this as a sign of weakness. Me: Umm. . that's not what I asked. Is your hair fake? Hitler: The 'Master Race' is the Aryan race - blonde haired, blue eyed. This race must triumph over all others, according to Social Darwinism; and I aimed to create a strong 'volk' of such people. That to me is the justification for my racism. Biologically, I don't claim to be a perfect example of the Aryan race - but I am keen to create this 'Master Race' of blonde haired, blue-eyed gods for the good of the German Reich! My wife, at least, fitted the picture! Me: I know you speak German, but DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?! Hitler: I understand more than you think. Me: What do you think of Chris Tucker? Hitler: You are obviously brainless as well as ugly. Life in Germany under the Nazis (National Socialists) depended very much on who you were. If you were an Aryan, then life could be good. If you were an 'undesirable' then things were very different indeed! Me: Are you saying Chris Tucker is 'undesirable'? Hitler: The 'Master Race' is the Aryan race - blonde haired, blue eyed. This race must triumph over all others, according to Social Darwinism; and I aimed to create a strong 'volk' of such people. That to me is the justification for my racism. Biologically, I don't claim to be a perfect example of the Aryan race - but I am keen to create this 'Master Race' of blonde haired, blue-eyed gods for the good of the German Reich! My wife, at least, fitted the picture! Me: Yeah, you already said that. Do you know what a "Hitler's Moustache" is? Hitler: I used to have a 'handlebar' moustache like my father, but in 1913 my siter-in-law suggested that I should cut off the points. Years later, when she saw my picture in a newspaper she said, 'Adolf has gone too far!'. Well, at least it's distinctive, I suppose...recently some people even painted my 'tache onto a poster of Britney Spears, arguing she was trying to take over the (pop) world! Me: Unfunny. My girlfriend has a mustche on her crotch that looks like yours. Hitler: My wife was Eva Braun (born 1912). Many people think I never made love to her (not that she was bothered). I liked her as she was a quiet, middle class Catholic from Munich. We married in May 1945 and we killed ourselves the following day: she poisoned herself, I shot myself. It was her decision to kill herself - I have nothing to feel guilty about. Me: You should feel guilty, you probably sux0red in teh sack. Hitler: I regret nothing I did and learned no lessons from anybody. I only failed to create a '1000-year Reich' because of the spinelessness of the German people. Me: Liar. You didn't get the Reich cuz you were gay. Hitler: There is no such thing as 'truth' - repeat any lie as often as you like and it becomes truth in the minds of the foolish masses. Me: So can I call you gay again? Hitler: I didn't have a strong sex drive, but there is no proof that I was homosexual. I was initially tolerant of homosexuals - a number of them had prominent positions in the party. However, as my ideas about eugenics hardened and they started to attract bad publicity I clamped down on them mercilessly - even those who had been instrumental in my rise to the top, such as Ernst Rohm. Me: Proof? What about you hanging your hand over like a fairy? Hitler: The idea that I wanted to take over the world is preposterous. I would have been happy just with Austria, Czachoslovakia, Poland, France and...oh, I see what you mean.... Me: I'm sorry to say, but you suck at interviews. I'm done here. Hitler: I couldn't care less.