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Chronic Diarrhea · 05-05-2003, 07:33 AM

Description of the seventh circle of Hell:

Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.

Man that sucks, but this is how Hell really is?

You: Man I can't belive I got here! I believed in God, this sucks!

Satan: You really think this is bad? Hell man sit down and grab a beer.

You: Um, ok. So how is Hell not bad?

Satan: Meh I got tired of running the mean institution around here. I gave that shit up 500 years ago. Hell none of these guys here have suffered, only those who lived before Christ.

You: I thought God essentially controlled Hell as well, I mean he threw you down here right?

Satan: Yeah, for the first few hundred years, but then I kinda gained control over this place. You know I was second most powerful in Heaven, almost as powerful as God, that's how I influence the people.

You: You mean like when I watched porn all those times?

Satan: Exactly. Anyway, once I got control I learned how to make stuff, so I made lots of beer and fine ass girls. Hey you got a present, look in your pants.

You: Holy Shit! I've always dreamed of something like this.

Satan: Hehe that's not all. All women that dwell in Hell are very, very fine pieces of ass.

You: Thank you Satan!

Satan: Call me Dave.

You: what else do I get in Hell?

Dave: Just about everything! Across the street in Heaven, God doesn't like video games, TV, food, lusty girls, sex, or any other fun things. All he likes to do is make his servents worship him all day. (You look across the street and sure enough people are worshiping. Here in Hell everybody is partying.)

You: That's awesome! What else is there in Hell?

Dave: The only bad thing is in Hell you have to buy everything. You see in Heaven everything is self-providing, but here you have to work to get cool shit. Mind you it's fairly easy to get enough money to buy all this stuff, but I put this system in here so it won't be party party party 24/7, although it does get close to that. See that bigass shop over there? That's the shop of everything, has everything you can imagine in it.

You: Cool, so how do I get money?

Dave: Just shit you would do on Earth. (you finish your beer.)

You: Okay dave, I'll see you around!

Dave: Yeah man! (they do the gansta handshake/half hug thing and walk off.)

I'm not really an advocate of Hell, but it's just some thought.

	(#3)
Chronic Diarrhea is Offline 1st Lieutenant Posts: 4,318 Join Date: Jun 2002	05-05-2003, 07:33 AM Description of the seventh circle of Hell: Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level. Man that sucks, but this is how Hell really is? You: Man I can't belive I got here! I believed in God, this sucks! Satan: You really think this is bad? Hell man sit down and grab a beer. You: Um, ok. So how is Hell not bad? Satan: Meh I got tired of running the mean institution around here. I gave that shit up 500 years ago. Hell none of these guys here have suffered, only those who lived before Christ. You: I thought God essentially controlled Hell as well, I mean he threw you down here right? Satan: Yeah, for the first few hundred years, but then I kinda gained control over this place. You know I was second most powerful in Heaven, almost as powerful as God, that's how I influence the people. You: You mean like when I watched porn all those times? Satan: Exactly. Anyway, once I got control I learned how to make stuff, so I made lots of beer and fine ass girls. Hey you got a present, look in your pants. You: Holy Shit! I've always dreamed of something like this. Satan: Hehe that's not all. All women that dwell in Hell are very, very fine pieces of ass. You: Thank you Satan! Satan: Call me Dave. You: what else do I get in Hell? Dave: Just about everything! Across the street in Heaven, God doesn't like video games, TV, food, lusty girls, sex, or any other fun things. All he likes to do is make his servents worship him all day. (You look across the street and sure enough people are worshiping. Here in Hell everybody is partying.) You: That's awesome! What else is there in Hell? Dave: The only bad thing is in Hell you have to buy everything. You see in Heaven everything is self-providing, but here you have to work to get cool shit. Mind you it's fairly easy to get enough money to buy all this stuff, but I put this system in here so it won't be party party party 24/7, although it does get close to that. See that bigass shop over there? That's the shop of everything, has everything you can imagine in it. You: Cool, so how do I get money? Dave: Just shit you would do on Earth. (you finish your beer.) You: Okay dave, I'll see you around! Dave: Yeah man! (they do the gansta handshake/half hug thing and walk off.) I'm not really an advocate of Hell, but it's just some thought.