[Albow0001]

[quote="Mr.Buttocks":f808c]It was a balmy summer evening, the sweat was literally dripping from my meatus. I donned my newly acquired golf attire and collected my golf bag from the cupboard behind the front door. As I walked out onto the street I spotted Mr.Jenkins, the local fishmonger, and I waved and shouted “Hullo!”. He ignored me. After a short bus ride into town I approached my final destination on foot. The town was busy with the usual riffraff – drunkards, drug dealers, foreigners, small children running around like packs of rabid dogs. It was hell on earth. I wanted to maim and kill everyone who made eye contact with me. These people were the lowest of the low, scum, the bastard children of Beelzebub. As I approached the building I could see the familiar glow of the red light from the main window. The curtains were drawn as usual, the door slightly ajar. As I got closer I could hear the muffled chatter of two women. I couldn’t make out what it was they were talking about, but it must have been a light-hearted conversation, as every now and then one of them would giggle hysterically. That sound sickened me. I wanted to burn the building to the ground with everyone in it. Filth.

I placed my golf bag on the ground in front of me. I removed the cover from my 9-iron and began to stroke the club. My eyes darted about, here and there, as I looked for a target. Then, from my right, a short fat man started to walk towards me. I maintained eye contact as he approached. He was now standing in front of me, staring at me, sizing me up. We looked at each other. We looked into each others souls. Time stood still. After what seemed like an eternity I finally lost control, I grabbed the rim of my Ping golf bag and began shaking it furiously, harder and harder, whilst maintaining eye contact with my foe. He looked startled, I knew I was winning. I inhaled as much air into my lungs as possible and girned. I paused, and then unleashed my pent up rage - “GET IN THE HO! GET IN THE HO! GET IN THE HO!” The man stared at me, bemused, I stared back, daring him to say something. He didn’t. He put his hands in his pockets and walked through the door. I sighed, looked up to the heavens, picked up my golf bag, and made my way home.

It was a wonderful evening. I was glad to be alive.[/quote:f808c]

I wonder if i could touch you, just once. Sometimes theres so much beauty in the world of the words you say that i just want to swallow an entire briefcase. Mr Buttocks, i would be honoured if you would transform into a scorpion, just for me