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[DAS REICH] Blitz · 04-03-2006, 07:57 PM

I read it, he could fiddle with some of the adjectives(his voice was getting raspier, i find that awkward to read) and maybe find alternatives to the word "He"(only in situations where he repeats them over and over, but maybe he wants to get an effect using it over and over so meh)..but very good, now gimme +1

	(#12)
[DAS REICH] Blitz is Offline General of the Army Posts: 18,844 Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: AA.com North Building, Offtopic Floor, Apartment 1337	04-03-2006, 07:57 PM I read it, he could fiddle with some of the adjectives(his voice was getting raspier, i find that awkward to read) and maybe find alternatives to the word "He"(only in situations where he repeats them over and over, but maybe he wants to get an effect using it over and over so meh)..but very good, now gimme +1