Last night I was going downstairs to get a midnigt bowl of Cap'n Crunch, when these two aliens who looked kinda like meryl streep pulled me into another dimension. THey did all kinda experiments on me, and did some generally unpleasant things. However, I did enjoy the anal probe until it shot lime green jelly into my colon, but thats really not important to the story.
SO, to make up for the discomfort, they said they'd send me to any place at anytime I wanted. SO I had them send me to last thursday evening so I could pay my bills to my hibachi dealer on time.
However, as they prepared to send me back in time, the disembodied head of colonel sanders appeared and starting singing that everything we know is wrong, black is white, up is down and short is long. And everything that we thought was so important doesnt matter after all, so thats a load off my mind.
But the meryl streep aliens were all "STFU N00B00N" and sanders was all "FFS" and he vanished. So the aliens did some magic thing and sent m back in time, but they sent me too far, and I fell out off a barn in chicago, scaring the bjeezus out of a cow, which proceeded to kick over a lantern. Then the whole city burned to the ground.
The aliens came back and got me and were all "You dummass. ROFLMFAO"
And they sent me back to my kitchn and took away all my cereal. SO I had to go back o bed with nothing accomplished.
I crawled into bed, when I felt something moving thru my pants, and saw col. sanders smile up at me, his arm vanishing into my pink polka dot boxer shorts. He gave me a handjob, then told me the answer to te question of life, the universe, and everything in general. But I forgot what it was.