Sergeant 1st Class
Posts: 1,693
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Touchdown City- Morgantown, West Virginia
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Funniest Tv Quote -
06-24-2003, 09:45 PM
Mine is from Seinfeld Episode 51: The Contest
KRAMER: Hey, Georgie.
JERRY AND ELAINE: Hi.
(George sits down next to Elaine - opposite Kramer)
JERRY: (To George) What's the matter?
GEORGE: (Slowly shakes his head) My mother caught me.
JERRY: "Caught" you? Doing what?
GEORGE: You know. (All three give him blank stares) I was alone..
ELAINE: (Making a face of surprise) You mean..?!
GEORGE: (Nods) Uh-huh.
KRAMER: (Laughing) She caught you?
(Elaine laughs with Kramer)
JERRY: Where?
GEORGE: (Not really wanting to embellish) ..I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes.. Nobody was there - they're supposed
to be working. (Jerry and Elaine look at each other - enjoying the story) My mother had a Glamour magazine, I started leafing through it..
JERRY: "Glamour"?
(Kramer and Elaine laugh slightly)
GEORGE: ..So, one thing lead to another..
JERRY: So, what did she do?
GEORGE: First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it.
KRMAER: (Reflecting on the story so far) Man..
GEORGE: I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.
JERRY: What did you do?
GEORGE: I zipped up!
ELAINE: (Wide-eyed) So, she fell?
GEORGE: Yeah. (Noticing this makes him out to be the bad kid, he gets defensive) Well, I couldn't run over there the way I was!
ELAINE: No, I guess you couldn't have..
JERRY: (In the middle of Elaine's sentence, smiling) No, I wouldn't think so.
ELAINE: (Finishing it off) ..done that.
GEORGE: So, she fell, and then she started screaming, "My back! My back!" So, I picked her up and took her to the hospital.
ELAINE: (Between chuckles) How is she?
GEORGE: (Somewhat angered) She's in traction.
ELAINE: (Still laughing) Ok, I'm sorry.
GEORGE: It's not funny, Elaine.
ELAINE: (Stifling her laughter) I know. I'm sorry. I'm serious.
GEORGE: Her back went out. She's gotta be there for a couple of days. All she said on the way over in the car was, "Why, George, why?!".. I said, "Because it's
there!"
(Kramer laughs, sipping his drink)
JERRY: "Glamour"?
(Elaine laughs)
GEORGE: (Vowing) Well, I'll tell you this, though - I am never doing.. that , again.
ELAINE: What, you mean, in your mother's house, or all together?
GEORGE: (Definite) All together.
(The next three lines are said at the exact same time)
ELAINE: Oh, gimme a break..
JERRY: (Skeptical) Ohhh yeah.. right.
KRAMER: Oh, like you're gonna stop?
JERRY AND ELAINE: C'mon..
GEORGE: You don't think I can?
JERRY: No chance.
GEORGE: (Daring) You think you could?
JERRY: Well, I know I could hold out longer than you.
GEORGE: Care to make it interesting?
JERRY: Sure, how much?
GEORGE: A hundred dollars.
JERRY: (Pointing) You're on.
KRAMER: (Butting in) Wait a second, wait a second. Count me in on this. (Clicks his tongue)
JERRY: You?
KRAMER: Yeah.
JERRY: You'll be out before we get the check.
ELAINE: (Smiling) I want to be in on this, too.
GEORGE AND JERRY: (Rejecting) Ohh, no. No, no, no..
ELAINE: Why?
JERRY: (Showing difference) It's apples and oranges..
ELAINE: What? Why? (More 'no, no, no's from Jerry and George. Persistent) Why?
JERRY: Because you're a woman!
ELAINE: So what?
JERRY: It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man.
ELAINE: (Sarcastic) Oh.
JERRY: We have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh.. shaving.
ELAINE: Oh, that is such bologna. I shave my legs.
KRAMER: (Making a point) Not everyday.
GEORGE: Alright, look, you want to be in?
ELAINE: Yeah!
GEORGE: You gotta give us odds. At least two to one - you gotta put up two-hundred dollars.
KRAMER: No, a thousand!
ELAINE: No, I'll - I'll put up one-fifty.
GEORGE: Alright, you're in for one-fifty.
JERRY: (Nodding) Okay, one-fifty.
GEORGE: Alright, now, how are we gonna monitor this thing?
JERRY: Well, obviously, we all know each other very well, (Elaine slightly laughs) I'm sure that we'll all feel comfortable within the confines of the honor system.
KRAMER: Alright. (Holds out his pinkie at the center of the table)
(Jerry, Elaine, and George all hook their pinkies onto his, in a 'pinkie promise', they all pull their hand away, yelling out "Yeah!")
(Scene ends)
i love that show
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