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Default Funniest Tv Quote - 06-24-2003, 09:45 PM

Mine is from Seinfeld Episode 51: The Contest

KRAMER: Hey, Georgie.

JERRY AND ELAINE: Hi.

(George sits down next to Elaine - opposite Kramer)

JERRY: (To George) What's the matter?

GEORGE: (Slowly shakes his head) My mother caught me.

JERRY: "Caught" you? Doing what?

GEORGE: You know. (All three give him blank stares) I was alone..

ELAINE: (Making a face of surprise) You mean..?!

GEORGE: (Nods) Uh-huh.

KRAMER: (Laughing) She caught you?

(Elaine laughs with Kramer)

JERRY: Where?

GEORGE: (Not really wanting to embellish) ..I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes.. Nobody was there - they're supposed

to be working. (Jerry and Elaine look at each other - enjoying the story) My mother had a Glamour magazine, I started leafing through it..

JERRY: "Glamour"?

(Kramer and Elaine laugh slightly)

GEORGE: ..So, one thing lead to another..

JERRY: So, what did she do?

GEORGE: First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it.

KRMAER: (Reflecting on the story so far) Man..

GEORGE: I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.

JERRY: What did you do?

GEORGE: I zipped up!

ELAINE: (Wide-eyed) So, she fell?

GEORGE: Yeah. (Noticing this makes him out to be the bad kid, he gets defensive) Well, I couldn't run over there the way I was!

ELAINE: No, I guess you couldn't have..

JERRY: (In the middle of Elaine's sentence, smiling) No, I wouldn't think so.

ELAINE: (Finishing it off) ..done that.

GEORGE: So, she fell, and then she started screaming, "My back! My back!" So, I picked her up and took her to the hospital.

ELAINE: (Between chuckles) How is she?

GEORGE: (Somewhat angered) She's in traction.

ELAINE: (Still laughing) Ok, I'm sorry.

GEORGE: It's not funny, Elaine.

ELAINE: (Stifling her laughter) I know. I'm sorry. I'm serious.

GEORGE: Her back went out. She's gotta be there for a couple of days. All she said on the way over in the car was, "Why, George, why?!".. I said, "Because it's

there!"

(Kramer laughs, sipping his drink)

JERRY: "Glamour"?

(Elaine laughs)

GEORGE: (Vowing) Well, I'll tell you this, though - I am never doing.. that , again.

ELAINE: What, you mean, in your mother's house, or all together?

GEORGE: (Definite) All together.

(The next three lines are said at the exact same time)

ELAINE: Oh, gimme a break..

JERRY: (Skeptical) Ohhh yeah.. right.

KRAMER: Oh, like you're gonna stop?

JERRY AND ELAINE: C'mon..

GEORGE: You don't think I can?

JERRY: No chance.

GEORGE: (Daring) You think you could?

JERRY: Well, I know I could hold out longer than you.

GEORGE: Care to make it interesting?

JERRY: Sure, how much?

GEORGE: A hundred dollars.

JERRY: (Pointing) You're on.

KRAMER: (Butting in) Wait a second, wait a second. Count me in on this. (Clicks his tongue)

JERRY: You?

KRAMER: Yeah.

JERRY: You'll be out before we get the check.

ELAINE: (Smiling) I want to be in on this, too.

GEORGE AND JERRY: (Rejecting) Ohh, no. No, no, no..

ELAINE: Why?

JERRY: (Showing difference) It's apples and oranges..

ELAINE: What? Why? (More 'no, no, no's from Jerry and George. Persistent) Why?

JERRY: Because you're a woman!

ELAINE: So what?

JERRY: It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man.

ELAINE: (Sarcastic) Oh.

JERRY: We have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh.. shaving.

ELAINE: Oh, that is such bologna. I shave my legs.

KRAMER: (Making a point) Not everyday.

GEORGE: Alright, look, you want to be in?

ELAINE: Yeah!

GEORGE: You gotta give us odds. At least two to one - you gotta put up two-hundred dollars.

KRAMER: No, a thousand!

ELAINE: No, I'll - I'll put up one-fifty.

GEORGE: Alright, you're in for one-fifty.

JERRY: (Nodding) Okay, one-fifty.

GEORGE: Alright, now, how are we gonna monitor this thing?

JERRY: Well, obviously, we all know each other very well, (Elaine slightly laughs) I'm sure that we'll all feel comfortable within the confines of the honor system.

KRAMER: Alright. (Holds out his pinkie at the center of the table)

(Jerry, Elaine, and George all hook their pinkies onto his, in a 'pinkie promise', they all pull their hand away, yelling out "Yeah!")

(Scene ends)
i love that show


  
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