THE ED! PRESENTS. .

ED · **THE ED! PRESENTS. . -** 08-05-2003, 08:21 PM

So, I'm taking all these classes on Uncle Sams dimes, and one of them upcoming is Macromedia STUDIO, which runs over most of the product library (got no use for Coldfusion). And we get a lil "pre-book" to give us an introduction to FLASH, and I'm sitting here remebering all the queer ass FLASH Animations I've seen and being the stud I am - I decide I'm going to enter the fray. So starting today, I'm going to create my own little series -

THE ED!'s HOW TO SERIES OF INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEOS!

A simple little concept - how to do certain topics the ED way. Some of the animations we'll see are:

HOW TO SHIT IN PLACES OTHER THAN YOUR TOILET
HOW TO FIND LOVE ON THE INTERNET
HOW TO BE A SEXUAL PERVERT AND NOT GET CAUGHT
HOW TO WEAR MAKEUP FOR THE MODERN HEROIN ADDICT
HOW TO BE BLACK

This is just the start. First I'm going to script everything out, and I'll post those here so that you all can follow this little experiment from start to finish. Dont expect great leaps and bounds in animation.

Consider this the "SPECIAL FEATURES" that you'd see on a dvd. Hopefully, I'll get this uploaded to a website somewhere and the whole world will soon see my glory.

For now I'll settle for you lamers.

Pyro · 08-05-2003, 08:23 PM

Innoxx · 08-05-2003, 08:24 PM

I feel so priviledged.

Sicilian_Summers · 08-05-2003, 09:05 PM

Wow.. How to Shit Places Other then Your Toilet...

You know, I've always dreamed of a toilet next to the fridge, like the one Ned Flanders had after his house was destroyed by a hurricane then rebuilt by Springfield citizens.

In other words, I base my dreams upon animated cartoon series.

ED · 08-05-2003, 09:38 PM

[quote="Sicilian_Summers":25515]Wow.. How to Shit Places Other then Your Toilet...

You know, I've always dreamed of a toilet next to the fridge, like the one Ned Flanders had after his house was destroyed by a hurricane then rebuilt by Springfield citizens.

In other words, I base my dreams upon animated cartoon series.[/quote:25515]

Funniest. Episode. Ever.

Ned: - "Homer - you're the worst human I've ever met."

Homer: "Whew - I got off easy!"

Simo Häyhä · 08-05-2003, 09:50 PM

how to spot a wegro

Arkan · 08-05-2003, 10:43 PM

You're gonna teach us how to be black? Now why would you do something like that?? oOo:

Pyro · 08-05-2003, 11:44 PM

ED knows chango, hima nd I are the blackest dudes here

Trippa be the whittiest (if thats a word)

Vance · 08-05-2003, 11:52 PM

How abut HOW MANY FUCKING THREADS DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE.

Tripper · 08-06-2003, 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pyro

ED knows chango, hima nd I are the blackest dudes here

Trippa be the whittiest (if thats a word)

Whatcho talkin' bout, Cracka?

Judas · **Re: THE ED! PRESENTS. . -** 08-06-2003, 02:14 AM

[quote="ED! Ban #127":4bb39]
HOW TO BE A SEXUAL PERVERT AND NOT GET CAUGHT
[/quote:4bb39]

im looking forward to this one.

pest · 08-06-2003, 08:21 AM

Hey ED, can you add a category on HOW TO BE A DRAMA QUEEN?

I too am looking forward to the sexual pervert one.

Zoner · 08-06-2003, 08:42 AM

"HOW TO SHIT IN PLACES OTHER THAN YOUR TOILET " = Essential reading

Could save your life one day.

ED · 08-06-2003, 09:15 AM

Here's the first bit from HOW TO SHIT IN OTHER PLACES THAN YOUR TOILET:

[quote:19d2d]TITLE PLACARD:

THE ED! SERIES PRESENTS!

Fade In:

VOICE: (oc)
(grunting)

FX: Wet sound, like a whoopee cushions air being let out.

From the top of the screen, that familiar brown substance slowly drops down as the grunting from off-camera continues. It cuts off, and falls to the ground off-camera. Camera tilts up, and we see spelled out neatly in DOOKIE in a toilet in a pool of piss –

TITLE PLACARD:
HOW TO SHIT IN PLACES OTHER THAN YOUR TOILET!

ED!’s floating head buzzes over the dookie, and faces front.

ED:
Howdy there campers.
[sniffs dookie]
Woo-wee! That is one foul smelling pile. But we cant hold it against the fella, when you gots ta go, you GOTS ta go. Unfortunately you aint always got access to a pearl throne, so you’ve got to improvise on the fly! That’s what we’re here to help you with today.

A bum walks from the right of the screen.

ED:
This here is my good friend Joe The Bum.

BJ:
HI.

ED:
BJ here is a professional shitter. He’s taken dumps in some wild and wacky places over his time. He’s even taken dumps in a Vietnam jungle, with Charlie closing in on his position.

BJ:
I was a heavy weapons expert in my platoon. Good with a bazooka too.

ED:
Bazookas huh? So we can just call you BAZOOKA JOE then. Well all right!

BJ:
Used to be a fella could squat and handle his god made business in peace, but now we’ve got Johnny Lawman trying to regulate we’re a former Vietnam vet can poo. So, just like in Vietnam fighting the Slanty Eye Brigade, yeh gots to be crafty. And I'm gonna shows ya how[/quote:19d2d]

Zoner · 08-06-2003, 09:26 AM

[quote="ED! Ban #127":ff62e]Bazookas huh? So we can just call you BAZOOKA JOE then.[/quote:ff62e]

BWAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAWWWW!!! Pardon the pun, but that's some funny shit right there.