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Command Sergeant Major
Posts: 2,644
Join Date: Dec 2003
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My First Motorcycle Mechanics Experience -
05-09-2007, 05:45 PM
I posted this in pieces on another website, thinking it would be fun to detail a newbies bike riders mechanic experience, never truly knowing that the end result would turn into some Twilight Zone like nightmare, where I wake up in Nycks body during sex, unable to speak and voice my horror - what was once a fun idea, turned into some karmic lesson on not to "expect anything but a bleeding asshole from private (non-franchised) auto-mechanics":
To set the scene, I purchased a 1986 VF 500 Interceptor as a beginners bike. It looked sick as hell, but needed a little body work - I found out that the body work would be more than I wanted to spend, and the bike was fucking heavy as hell, so decided to cut my losses, sell it and grab another bike. I perused Craigslist for a week or so, when I- like Pyro accidentally falling into some Brampton whores clean shaven vagina - stumbled upon a 1992 Suzuki Bandit - 400, amongst all the other bullshit. It has 52 horse power, which made it a bit more powerful than than 35 Hp Ninja (that every college prick in America seems to drive), but not a monster like the interceptor (70-something HP). For 600 bucks I knew it was due for some work, but I sold the VF for a nice sum, and would (in theory) have money left over to do some major cosmetic and vanity work.
So I get the machine, have to drive to Granite Bay (about a 45 minute soujorn to get it) to pick it up, and find that the thing has major carb issues, and looks like it was registered as non-op (tags were 2000 on the machine). No problem - its still a good deal as a good ol' carb cleaning shouldnt be that much - right. RIGHT?!
The bike wont start unless the choke is COMPLETELY open, and even once started, will not idle in first gear unless the choke is open - which makes it rev to 6-8Krpms - fun. But it was rideable - thats all that mattered to me.
So, the very next day I take it to a shop, and tell the dude specifically "I want a carb cleaning". He says ok, and gives me my work order and tells me someone will give me a ring after the diag. This was Tuesday. I called them on Friday for an update:
"Oh yea. . .the Bandit - were just now getting it open".
What the cheese?! I calmly ask what was taking so long -
"We had other things going on."
I wanted to strangle the guy on the phone. But, they have my machine, and if I want it back in any kind of working condition - I need to be diplomatic. So I say fine, and tell them I'm dropping off some tires as well to be mounted. I think I hear the cash-register go off in the background at this news, but dont say anything.
So I get there - the guy comes up to me and says:
"Changed the spark-plugs and got ya a new filter. . .and it still wont idle. I think your carbs need to be cleaned."
I look at him like he's got shit on his face. I want to say - "Yes they do, and heres something else - the sky is fucking blue asshole! Thanks for burning away an hour and a half worth of labor fees!" - but hold my tongue.
He then takes me inside (no doubt lubing up his cock on the way in as he eyes my asshole), and produces an estimate workorder. . .430 bucks. I grit my teeth, and say fine, get it done. I ask how long - he stammers, and says he can get it by tomorrow afternoon. I say fine - CALL ME?!
And call they do:
"Well sir, we dun ungunked yer carbs, but we hear a knocking - we wanna go in there and take a look. It'll be 520 if we do".
I say no - thats more than I would have spent at a co-workers shop, and tell them (since I'm already in for the work done) to not mount the tires, and get in and check the knocking. They say ok, itll be a few hours before they know. Fast forward 5 hours later, and I'm calling them up 30 minutes before they close:
"Uhm - someone was supposed to call me in an hour about my bike"
"Oh yea - the bandit. . .we'll get to that next week. . ."
I hang up, barely able to get out an ok - but then say "Fuck this", and call back. . .
"I want my bike back."
"Uh - ok we can do that, but theyve (miraculously) already gotten into the engine, and are working on the cylinders"
"The guy just said they werent working on it"
"He misspoke. We can get your bike for ya, but its in pieces and your gonna need to tow it."
"You can't put it back together"
"Not unless you want to pay for labor"
"But you took it apart!"
"So. . ."
"FINISH THE FUCKING JOB!"
Click.
So - its a week later, Tuesday. The date I was told all the nonsense would be straightened out. I wait patiently for the call. I don't get it. On the way home Im sullen and angry at the world. I feel like Nyck, coming home to face the reality of his social life - dejected and defeated. I check my voicemail and see that the shop called, 5 minutes after I left work, that my bike is ready!
HUZZAH!
I can barely sleep, as the thought of cruising down I-5 is dancing seductively in my mind. So today, I get all my gear that I bought online while waiting in order, and prepare to pick up my bike at lunch.
Get to the shop, and I see my seat is off - I shrug and figure they are just doing last minute checks (I dont have my glasses on).
Get inside - and the main guys in charge have no clue what I'm talking about:
"We got a call yesterday asking what the total price was (me), but no guy called you. . .we still got the valve cover off, and its leaking some fluids we need to take care of"
"Im sure I got a call - I have Vonage and it shows someone called. . ."
"Oh - we have a part time worker here, he probably called you. . .whoops"
"Uhm. . .erm. . ."
"Well call you when it's ready"
I have now bought a pistol online, and chosen next day shipping. Depending on what happens in the next 24 hours will determine whether there is a tragedy, or a victory of epic proportions mixed with belated elation. I want to say this makes me a better person, knowing I have patience - but I could care less. I just want my fucking shit!
PS: I hate Nyck.
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My First Motorcycle Mechanics Experience
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