Offtopic Any topics not related to the games we cover. Doesn't mean this is a Spam-fest. Profanity is allowed, enter at your own risk. |
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Senior Member
Posts: 5,158
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Gatineau, Qc, Canada
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LOL! -
09-28-2004, 03:05 PM
I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all! She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, lets go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT??!!!"
I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs flyover a frozen hell while monkeys fly out her bum.
biggrin:
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1st Lieutenant
Posts: 4,501
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: 69 Offtopic Lane, Forum Road, Internet City.co.uk
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09-28-2004, 03:11 PM
haha, good shit man beer:
That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest - Henri David Thoreau
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Brigadier General
Posts: 10,503
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Ontario
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09-28-2004, 03:11 PM
She is a Trophy Wife, you rich bastard
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Senior Member
Posts: 1,165
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: near niagara falls (canadian side)
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09-28-2004, 03:11 PM
HAHAHA Amaizing!!!, simply perfect!!
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1st Lieutenant
Posts: 4,316
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: New Joisy?
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09-28-2004, 03:12 PM
i actually took the time to read that, and my god i love you. that is hilarious.
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Senior Member
Posts: 1,337
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Nashvegas
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09-28-2004, 03:15 PM
ha. ed: watch your back for the next month or 2. im surprised she didnt bitch slap you on the spot.
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Senior Member
Posts: 3,161
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Detroit, MI
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09-28-2004, 03:22 PM
funny
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1st Lieutenant
Posts: 4,948
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: humping gobots...
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09-28-2004, 03:24 PM
good one...
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Sergeant 1st Class
Posts: 1,698
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Syracuse, New York
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09-28-2004, 03:28 PM
[quote="Infernal_":e70b0]HAHAHA Amaizing!!!, simply perfect!![/quote:e70b0]
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1st Lieutenant
Posts: 4,807
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Ottawa, Ont, Canada
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09-28-2004, 03:32 PM
When I stopped stalking you Soli, you didn't have a wife! did you find someone finally! PS pot pics of your sis biggrin:
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1st Lieutenant
Posts: 4,860
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: The Greater Philidelphia Area
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09-28-2004, 03:33 PM
amazing story
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Senior Member
Posts: 1,343
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Amerika
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09-28-2004, 03:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Merlin122
amazing story
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Lieutenant Colonel
Posts: 7,162
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Plymouth, MA
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09-28-2004, 03:52 PM
Holy fuck that's fucking hilarious. You are the person I wish to be when I get older.
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2nd Lieutenant
Posts: 3,358
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Good ol' England!
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09-28-2004, 04:02 PM
haha - nice one.
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2nd Lieutenant
Posts: 3,811
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Redmond, Home of Microsoft
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09-28-2004, 04:23 PM
Definatly saving that to a text file for later referance and laughs.
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