Hopefully I can offend everyone with this post

ninty · **Hopefully I can offend everyone with this post -** 05-28-2003, 02:41 PM

>>What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
>> > > > Juan on Juan.
>>
>>What is a Yankee?
>> > > > The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>>
>>What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
>> > > > The position of the dirt bag.
>>
>>Why is divorce so expensive?
>> > > > Because it's worth it.
>>
>>What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
>> > > > One US leader.
>>
>>What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
>> > > > Doughnuts.
>>
>>Why is air a lot like sex?
>> > > > Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
>>
>>Define "Egghead:"
>> > > > What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty
>>
>>What do you call a smart blonde?
>> > > > A golden retriever.
>>
>>What do attorneys use for birth control?
>> > > > Their personalities.
>>
>>What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
>> > > > 45 lbs.
>>
>>What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
>> > > > 45 minutes.
>>
>>What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
>> > > > Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>>
>>Why do men want to marry virgins?
>> > > > They can't stand criticism.
>>
>>Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
>>and good-looking?
>> > > > Because those men already have boyfriends.
>>
>>What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
>> > > > After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
>>
>>What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
>> > > > The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
>>intention of driving.
>>
>>Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
>> > > > Because they have cotton balls.
>>
>>What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
>> > > > A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
>>
>>What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
>> > > > "Are you sure it's mine?"
>>
>>What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
>> > > > Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
>>
>>Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
>> > > > Mace will do that to you.
>>
>>Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
>> > > > Everyone has the same DNA.
>>
>>Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>> > > > Breasts don't have eyes.
>>
>>Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
>> > > > He walks around saying "Yo."
>>
>>Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car
>>only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
>> > > > Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>>
>>Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
>> > > > A different bar.
>>
>>Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
>> > > > They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
>>
>>What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
>>other?
>> > > > A speech impediment.
>>
>>What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
>>half-mast?
>> > > > They're hiring.
>>
>>What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
>> > > > A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front
>>of the cage along with... "a recipe".
>>
>>How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
>> > > > Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
>>
>>What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
>>fairytale?
>> > > > A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern
>>fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
>>
>>Why is there no Disneyland in China?
>> > > > No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

Rannoch · 05-28-2003, 02:45 PM

Hah, that last one was funniest.

Akuma · 05-28-2003, 02:51 PM

Good stuff.

Cpt. Obvious · 05-28-2003, 02:55 PM

[quote:15c51]>>Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
>> > > > Everyone has the same DNA. [/quote:15c51]
U mother fucker. i hate people who think we are all hicks. go pick on mississippi

Sergeant_Scrotum · 05-28-2003, 03:07 PM

happy: very good biggrin:

Simo Häyhä · 05-28-2003, 03:08 PM

lol this shit is hilarious

Gonzo · 05-28-2003, 03:16 PM

funny stuff

05-28-2003, 03:17 PM

[img]http://www.puremayhem.net/downloads/funshit/lol_hitting.gif[/img]

gtboys34 · 05-28-2003, 03:22 PM

hmmm, no black jokes? I was expecting at least 1 of those, since i read the title of the thread. Or, u could always pick on us, alabama, but pick on the deep south portion of this state b/c that incest crap doesnt occur up here, well not that i know of....................

Akuma · 05-28-2003, 03:36 PM

Make fun of religion.

05-28-2003, 03:38 PM

[quote:a48e3]Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
>> > > > Because they have cotton balls.
[/quote:a48e3]
[quote:a48e3]Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car
>>only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
>> > > > Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. [/quote:a48e3]
biggrin: biggrin: biggrin:

Bazooka_Joe · 05-28-2003, 04:01 PM

[quote:b769f]>>What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
>> > > > A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. [/quote:b769f]

haha, nice! Good ones man. biggrin:

[MOD]Gen.WikiWeaponn · 05-28-2003, 04:40 PM

No white jokes either.

Old Reliable · 05-28-2003, 07:24 PM

a long time ago I posted some racist jokes, people didnt like it....lol

Chronic Diarrhea · 05-28-2003, 07:41 PM

[quote:19c51]U mother fucker. i hate people who think we are all hicks. go pick on mississippi[/quote:19c51]

Fuck you bitch! Oh wait, I'm from Alabama. Actually I'm not from there either.

[quote:19c51]Or, u could always pick on us, alabama, but pick on the deep south portion of this state b/c that incest crap doesnt occur up here, well not that i know of....................[/quote:19c51]

Hell everybody knows that doesn't occur anywhere, at least as long as there's normal, sane people. Well, maybe it occurs in Naawlins and Gay Bay but its cool everywhere else.