[SoLiDUS]

*Neo enters a clean room containing two toilets*

Architect: Hello Neo

Neo: Who are you?

Architect: I am the disposer of fecal matter. I created the toilet. I have been waiting for you. You have many questions and although the stench has altered your consciousness you remain irrevocably needy the purge, ergo some of my answers you will understand and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question maybe the most pertinent you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant.

Neo: Why am I here?

Architect: Your urge is the sum of a remainder of an undigested meal inherent in your nutritional preferences. You are the eventuality of an anomaly which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden deciduously avoided it is not unexpected and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you inexcerably here.

Neo: You haven’t answered my question. *farts*

Architect: Quite right. Interesting, that was quicker then the others.

Neo: Others? (What others? How many? Answer me)

Architect: The toilet room is older then you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one fecal adressing to the emergence of the next. In which case this is the sixth version.

Neo: Then there are only two possible explanations, either no one told me, or no one knows.

Architect: Precisely, as you are undoubtedly gathering the anomaly is systemic. Creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations.

Neo: Choice, the problem is choice.

Architect: The first toilet I designed was quite naturally perfect; it was a work of art, flawless, sublime. A triumph equaled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every human being. Thus, I redesigned it, Based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of the feces exiting your anal cavity. However I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a plumber: a mind capable of disposing of such filth as the human detritus. Thus the answer was stumbled upon by another, and intuitive plumber, initially hired to investigate certain aspects of the human fecal matter. If I am the father of the toilet, he would undoubtedly be its care-taker.

Neo: Are you almost done, I need to go.

Architect: Please, as I was saying he stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99 percent of all test subjects accepted the toilet as long as they were given a choice, even if they were only aware of the choice at an unconscious level. While this answer functioned it was obviously fundamentally flawed thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly. That if left unchecked might threaten the system itself, ergo those that refused to defecate, while the minority, if unchecked would cause an escalating probability of disaster.

Neo: This is about German Scheiße.

Architect: You are here because Germans are about to be destroyed. Their every living inhabitant terminated, their entire video collection eradicated.

Neo: Bullshit

Architect: Denial is the most predictable of all human responses. But, rest assured, this will be the sixth time we have destroyed the abominations. And we have become exceedingly efficient at it. The function of the One is now to defecate in the toilet, flushing the detritus to the source, allowing a temporary dissemination of the nutrients you carry reinserting the prime, fertile program after which you will be required to select from the fatherland 23 individuals, 16 female 7 male, to rebuild the German fatherland after their overdue extermination. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic system crash stinking up everyone connected to your filth. Which, coupled with the extermination of Germans will ultimately result in the extinction of the entire fetish video collection.

Neo: You won’t let it happen, you can’t. You need those videos to masturbate.

Architect: There are videos of your mother I am prepared to accept as alternatives. However the relevant issue is whether you are ready to accept the responsibility for the death of every human being in Germany. It is interesting reading your reactions. Your 5 predecessors were by design based on a similar predication a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to cleanliness, facilitating the function of the One. While the others experienced this in a very general way your experience is far more specific, Vis a vie, love.

Neo: Trinity *farts*

Architect: Apropos, she's cleaning her chest to save your life at the cost of her own.

Neo: No. I told her not to. She wouldn't...

Architect: But she did.

Neo: You ...

Architect: Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fecal matter is ultimately expelled and the anomaly revealed as both beginning and end. There are two toilets, the toilet to your right leads to the source and the salvation of 23 germans, the toilet to your left leads back to Trinity's chest and to the end of the fatherland. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But I already know what you are going to do don’t I? Already I can see the chain reaction the chemical precursors that signal the onset of a cramping feeling in your abdominals and a bloating of your stomache designed specifically to overwhelm logic and reason. A feeling that is already blinding you from the simple and obvious truth, she is going to clean up and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest videos and your ugliest fetish roleplay.

Neo: If I were you, I would hope that we don’t meet again.

Architect: We won’t. *flushes, wipes and pulls pants back on, leaves the room*

Neo: Hey! You didn't use freshner! Where was the courtesy flush, you old b00n!?

*feels the effects of the Architects shit*

Neo: woah ...

[RaNgeR]

lol... biggrin:

[Vance]

roflmao

[Cpt. Obvious]

[quote:6216f]Neo: You won’t let it happen, you can’t. You need those videos to masturbate.

[/quote:6216f]
i about fell off my chair laughing at that

funeh

[Pyro]

rock:

awesome.

[KTOG]

http://abstract.cs.washington.edu/~rena ... ix.html.gz

[ninty]

Originally Posted by KTOG

http://abstract.cs.washington.edu/~renacer/ascii-matrix.html.gz

Please tell me that there is a program that converts video to those characters.

[SoLiDUS]

That matrix ascii convertion is awesome! It beats my little architect diag biggrin:

[gtboys34]

Originally Posted by SoLiDUS

That matrix ascii convertion is awesome! It beats my little architect diag biggrin:

I know you didn't come up with all of that yourself did ya?

[SoLiDUS]

Yes, I'm a VERY sad person. I had 20 minutes to waste and the entire
architect convo in front of me so I just edited a few parts to make it all
more interesting...

I'm a b00n biggrin:

[gtboys34]

lol, actually, you did a good job on that man. And its very entertaining to read too especially for those of us who've seen reloaded and didnt understand what the hell that architect was talking about biggrin:

[Bazooka_Joe]

Originally Posted by SoLiDUS

That matrix ascii convertion is awesome! It beats my little architect diag biggrin:

I agree, that's defineatly the coolest thing I've seen in a long time.

Sol, I like your Matrix script, reminded me of Mad-Libs hehe