[Zap. USMC]

Well, it's been nearly 8 years ago now but I thought I would share with you guys about the most embarrasing moment in my entire life - literally.

It was 5th grade and I was in English class. EVERY morning it seemed that I had to take a shit in school, I don't really know why... just my bowels had a clock set to dump a load at a certain time. Anywho, my cunt of a teacher always told me and other students who asked to use the bathroom to "hold it" and "use the bathroom before school". FUCK THAT! I'm not going to FORCE shit out of me before school that's NOT EVEN THERE! I was young and didn't really have the discipline to hold my shit, and the biggest problem was... I NEVER farted so it added more of a bloating sensation and forced the shit out even more. So anyways one morning in the start of class I felt the cramps come on and the "Battle of the Buldge" persued! I fought long and hard for half an hour or longer and then the fatal desicion to surrender came. My bowels were literlaly about to explode and I didn't have to balls to ask my teacher to use the bathroom and ive asked to many times before(she was a negro teacher, scared the FUCK outta me) so I let loose and the shit came out like a water dam that just crumpled under pressure. The first turd was a BIG MOTEHR FUCKER I tell you what... I was sitting there for ten minutes with a turd sticking half outta my ass, and I had to get it out! So I pushed and it STILL didn't want to come out! So im thinking to myself... "why the fuck did I ever let loose when now the bastard wont come out?". So my face is BEAT RED and im in the front of class pushing away and then the time of relief came. My plan was to quickly go tot he bathroom and take off my tighty whitties and just continue the day on without any though about it. Little did I know I had a HUGE FUCKING shit stain on the back of my pants and it was clear as day as if someone shit their pants. So Im walking out of the bathroom cocky as can be until someone says "Zach, did you shit your pants?" then the hazing began! My nickname was "Dookie Brown" that entire year of school! Shit was that embarrasing!

Anyone else shit their pants at work/school?? lol