[Mr.Buttocks]

[url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2005/08/05/npike05.xml&sSheet=/news/2005/08/05/ixhome.html:f8814]Link[/url:f8814]

[quote:f8814]
A fork-lift driver battered his wife with a 3ft pike from the River Severn when he woke from a drunken sleep and could not find two tins of beer.

Elaine Cole, 49, said: "I could have been seriously hurt or killed by that fish. John snapped when he woke up and demanded to know where his two cans of beer had gone.

"He grabbed the pike from the kitchen table and started belting me with it. It really hurt because it was as solid as a rock. My head was really throbbing and I could not see straight.

"I managed to get out and phone for an ambulance and thankfully my injuries were not too bad. It could have been a lot worse."

Mrs Cole added: "John has got into a temper before but he has never attacked me with a fish."

Dudley magistrates heard that the attack occurred on Tuesday night when Cole, 54, of Sedgley, West Midlands, accused his wife of hiding the beer.

He grabbed the fish, which had been caught the night before and given to him by a friend, and started hitting his wife around the head with it. She suffered a bloody nose and bruising.

Cole spent the night in the cells and appeared in court on Wednesday, when he admitted common assault. He was given a six-month conditional discharge.

After receiving a grovelling apology from her husband, Mrs Cole said she was prepared to take him back. They have been married for 32 years.

Outside court, Cole said he had intended to eat the fish but after beating his wife with it did not have the heart.

He said: "I cooked it and fed it to our cats and dogs. I am really sorry for what I did. I hope Elaine can forgive me."


[/quote:f8814]


PIKE R 1337