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SoLiDUS is Offline
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Default LOL! - 09-28-2004, 03:05 PM

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all! She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, lets go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT??!!!"

I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs flyover a frozen hell while monkeys fly out her bum.

biggrin:
  
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mr.miyagi is Offline
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Default 09-28-2004, 03:11 PM

haha, good shit man beer:


That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest - Henri David Thoreau
  
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Default 09-28-2004, 03:11 PM

She is a Trophy Wife, you rich bastard
  
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Default 09-28-2004, 03:11 PM

HAHAHA Amaizing!!!, simply perfect!!
  
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Default 09-28-2004, 03:12 PM

i actually took the time to read that, and my god i love you. that is hilarious.


  
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Default 09-28-2004, 03:15 PM

ha. ed: watch your back for the next month or 2. im surprised she didnt bitch slap you on the spot.
  
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Default 09-28-2004, 03:22 PM

funny
  
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Default 09-28-2004, 03:24 PM

good one...
  
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Default 09-28-2004, 03:28 PM

[quote="Infernal_":e70b0]HAHAHA Amaizing!!!, simply perfect!![/quote:e70b0]
  
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Default 09-28-2004, 03:32 PM

When I stopped stalking you Soli, you didn't have a wife! did you find someone finally! PS pot pics of your sis biggrin:
  
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Default 09-28-2004, 03:33 PM

amazing story
  
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Default 09-28-2004, 03:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Merlin122
amazing story
  
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Default 09-28-2004, 03:52 PM

Holy fuck that's fucking hilarious. You are the person I wish to be when I get older.
  
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Default 09-28-2004, 04:02 PM

haha - nice one.
  
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Default 09-28-2004, 04:23 PM

Definatly saving that to a text file for later referance and laughs.
  
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