[ninty]

15 Things to do at Wal-mart when you are bored...

1. Pick up condom packages & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 in housewares.'...and see what happens!
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME ! PICK ME!!!!!!'
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream 'NO!? It's those voices again! and last but not least.......
15. Go into a fitting room and yell real LOUD "We're out of toilet paper in here!"

[Sergeant_Scrotum]

heh me & some friends do this all the time, a few other good ones for the bathroom are dropping a marble in & yelling "oh no! my glass eye!", moaning & groaning for about 30 seconds then drop a large orange in from about 4 feet, whenever someone farts or you hear a plop say "ohhh & rate them 1-10", get some lemon gatorade & spray it all over the stalls or make a small pudde outside the bathroom leading into the bathroom & into a stall, also squirt it onto the floor of a stall that someones useing....ahh its so funny

[Art Attack]

heh...not bad


There was three girls a brown head, a red head, and a blonde head. They where going to go on a hike in the desert and
the brown head said she would take some food if they got hungry,
the red head said she would bring water if they got thirsty,
and the blonde head said she'd bring a car door........so if they got hot she could roll down the window.


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A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blond is angry, She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells
"No, honey, don't do it."
The blond replies "Shut up, you're next."


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What did the blonde say when he opened the box of Cheerios?
Doughnut seeds!


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There was a brunette standing along side a busy road chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..." until a blonde came up to her and said, "that looks like fun, can I try?" The brunette said sure so the blonde chanted, "88, 88, 88, 88.." "Well," said the brunette, "that is fun. But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street" So the blonde said "OK" and stood in the middle of the street. "88, 88, 88, 88-" BAM! she was run over by a car, completely flattened. Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, "89, 89, 89, 89...

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Now, let me tell you about yo' mama:...


Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born, her mama saw the afterbirth and said "Twins."
Yo mama's so ugly, she could scare the moss off a rock!
Yo mama's so old, her birth-certificate expired
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter.
Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged.
Yo mama's so backwards she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
Yo mama's so ugly, just after she was born, her mama said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo mama's so hairy, her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.
Yo mama's got so many gaps in her teeth it looks like piano keys.
Yo mama's so greasy, she uses bacon as a band aid.
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat in the rain, people call her "Taxi!"
Yo mama's so ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama's so tall, if she did a back-flip she'd kick Jesus in the mouth.
Yo mama's so stank, she's like Shaquille O'Neal, she don't fake the funk!!
Yo mama's so stupid, on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911.
Yo mama's head is so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
Yo mama's such a whore that I could've been Yo daddy, but the guy in line behind me had the correct change.
Yo mama's so old, Jurassic Park brought back memories.
Yo mama's so stupid, she studied for a blood test and failed.
Yo mama's so ugly, yo dad first met her at the pound.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Yo mama's so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo mama's so fat, she bungee jumped and went straight to hell.
Yo mama's so fat, she sat on the corner and the police came & said "break it up!"
Yo mama's so fat, they had to install speed bumps at the all-u-can-eat buffet.
Yo mama's so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
Yo mama's so fat, she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Yo mama's so poor, when I ring the doorbell she says "DING!"
Yo mama's so old, when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.
Yo mama's got a glass eye with a fish in it.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses blanket as a washcloth.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Yo mama's so skinny, she swallowed a meatball and thought she was pregnant.
I just saw Yo mama walking down the hall with a mattress strapped to her back asking for volunteers!
Yo mama has one arm and swims in circles.
Yo mama's twice the man you are.
Yo mama ain't got no ears talkin' bout "I hear ya."
Yo mama's so fat, when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama's got so many rings around belly she's gotta screw her underwear on.
Yo mama's like a bubble gum machine, 5 cents a blow.
Yo mama has one leg and a bicycle.
Yo mama's so stupid, she died before the police arrived because she couldn't find the "11" button in "9-1-1"
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her ass back in the water.

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Your Public Bathroom Stall-Mate

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,"May I borrow a highlighter?"
2.Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh ____!! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Dam*, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,"Whoa ! Easy boy !!"
11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Dam*, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your "Cross-Dressors Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra under the stall and sing "Born Free"

[Sgt. Saunders]

you missed one Art Attack.... Yo Momma's so fat,she uses a mattress as a tampon

[Airborne Butters]

That 3rd one is sic Ninty9

[ninty]

I didn't make em. I got it in an e mail. hake:

[Sgt. Saunders]

you missed one..yo mammas so fat, she uses a mattres as a tampon

[Magnum]

Oh yeah? Try these:

"Yo momma so ugly when she get out of bed people in the United Arab Emirates fall out they chairs!"
"Yo car so beat up when you go to the drive in movie a helicopter be touchin down on top of an oil platform!"
"Yo face so crazy when you take off yo hat in a restaurant the waiter bring you a tray of mints!"
"Yo family so broke that when you move into yo house a tornado hand deliver a subpoena from father time!"
"Yo momma so lazy when she build a snowman she use carrots for EYES and coal for they NOSE!"
"Yo Internet Service Provider so stank when you log into Everquest you got people up in Canada playin Tetris on they graphics calculatuhs!"
"You so stupid when you compete in a spelling bee you get bit by a preying mantis!"
"Yo girlfriend so cantankerous when she make pies she make em out of relief maps!"

Guess the source.

[Old Reliable]

just dont do that shit when i'm working or you'lll get your ass beat

[Bazooka_Joe]

[quote:6391a]5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.[/quote:6391a]

That's the only one I've actually done.