[ninty]

>>What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
>> > > > Juan on Juan.
>>
>>What is a Yankee?
>> > > > The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>>
>>What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
>> > > > The position of the dirt bag.
>>
>>Why is divorce so expensive?
>> > > > Because it's worth it.
>>
>>What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
>> > > > One US leader.
>>
>>What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
>> > > > Doughnuts.
>>
>>Why is air a lot like sex?
>> > > > Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
>>
>>Define "Egghead:"
>> > > > What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty
>>
>>What do you call a smart blonde?
>> > > > A golden retriever.
>>
>>What do attorneys use for birth control?
>> > > > Their personalities.
>>
>>What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
>> > > > 45 lbs.
>>
>>What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
>> > > > 45 minutes.
>>
>>What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
>> > > > Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>>
>>Why do men want to marry virgins?
>> > > > They can't stand criticism.
>>
>>Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
>>and good-looking?
>> > > > Because those men already have boyfriends.
>>
>>What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
>> > > > After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
>>
>>What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
>> > > > The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
>>intention of driving.
>>
>>Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
>> > > > Because they have cotton balls.
>>
>>What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
>> > > > A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
>>
>>What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
>> > > > "Are you sure it's mine?"
>>
>>What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
>> > > > Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
>>
>>Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
>> > > > Mace will do that to you.
>>
>>Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
>> > > > Everyone has the same DNA.
>>
>>Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>> > > > Breasts don't have eyes.
>>
>>Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
>> > > > He walks around saying "Yo."
>>
>>Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car
>>only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
>> > > > Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>>
>>Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
>> > > > A different bar.
>>
>>Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
>> > > > They named him "Sum Ting Wong"
>>
>>What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
>>other?
>> > > > A speech impediment.
>>
>>What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
>>half-mast?
>> > > > They're hiring.
>>
>>What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
>> > > > A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front
>>of the cage along with... "a recipe".
>>
>>How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
>> > > > Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
>>
>>What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
>>fairytale?
>> > > > A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern
>>fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
>>
>>Why is there no Disneyland in China?
>> > > > No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.