how to stop masterbating

Sergeant_Scrotum · **how to stop masterbating -** 11-28-2002, 06:49 PM

just follow these easy steps to stop that evil habit which will surly send you to hell! [url:2fbc2]http://www.selfabuse.org/[/url:2fbc2] some of the most important steps that i will be sure to remember are

[quote:2fbc2]If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. Better to be fat than to go to Hell!

DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT EVER use mayonnaise on your sandwich. It will trigger thoughts of other things which you must avoid thinking about. If you are a female, stay away from the hot dogs, carrots, cucumbers and Italian sausage! And girls, NEVER put a candle on the table and light it, pretending you have class. Candles are used for only one purpose and you know what that is!
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[quote:2fbc2]Never argue with yourself that it must be OK to masturbate because God has given you the right equipment to do it. IT IS NOT OK! It is wrong. It is unnatural, evil, Satanic and sinful. Anything that feels that good cannot actually be good! I believe that the better if feels the more sinful it is.

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[quote:2fbc2]If you really think it is OK and a natural thing to do, then try this experiment:

If masturbation is so natural and correct, whip it out the next time you are with your girl friend in the school cafeteria and begin masturbating in front of her.

While you are masturbating, just explain to her in your short choppy breaths that it is a natural process and that she should accept it as such. You might want to ask her to blow in your ear at some point, just to hurry the process along.

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[quote:2fbc2]Small wireless cameras and receivers are sold at very reasonable prices now. Caleb and I strongly suggest that you buy two cameras. One for your bed room and one for the bathroom.
In addition, purchase as many receiving boxes as you can afford. Distribute the receiving boxes to nearby neighbors as you explain your masturbation problem to them. They will understand. Ask them to hook up the box to their TV set and check on you once in awhile why they are watching TV - ESPECIALLY AFTER YOU'VE GONE TO BED.

Whey you are lying in bed and your thoughts turn to pleasuring yourself, remember than any number of neighbors could be watching you right at that moment. Go back to sleep!

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Chronic Diarrhea · 11-28-2002, 06:59 PM

Uh... I don't think God approves of people watching other people masturbate. Anyway, these kind of people piss me off. Every male has masturbated. I have seen these kinds of reports before, and I think the guys that wrote it need to fuck off.

God, I guess you need to send me to hell when I die, because I'm not going to stop masturbating and I'm not going to turn a girl down if she wants to go down on me or have sex with me. If God hated penis so bad, then he wouldn't have made one for us.

r3mix · 11-28-2002, 07:02 PM

eh eh ehe hheehh eehe ehee heeehe e ehe eheh ehe eheh eheh ehe eh ehe eheh ehe heheeh eheh heeh eeheh ehe heeheh ehe heh OMG

i thought those pictures on the front page were like scare tactics.
THATS ACTUALLY THE PEOPLE WHO RUN THAT SITE

as if that bloke doesnt jerk off if the alternative is fucking his wife who looks like she was a stunt double in The Excorcist.

Airborne Butters · 11-28-2002, 07:03 PM

why would I wanna stop?

Old Reliable · 11-28-2002, 07:07 PM

When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell

Judas · 11-28-2002, 07:12 PM

did you catch a glimpse of the people on that page ? They are enough to make anyone stop!

MrLevinstein · 11-28-2002, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Judas

did you catch a glimpse of the people on that page ? They are enough to make anyone stop!

all i have to do is put a picture of that lady up as my wallpaper and my computer will be rid of porn from that day forward!

Innoxx · 11-28-2002, 07:26 PM

LOL! Well, in their honour I am going to "make the bald man puke" or do the "five-knuckle shuffle" or "wait for the posse to come". Fuck it, I don't care if the neighbours are watching, they're dykes anyways. Let them have a "mongolian clusterfuck" with me, I want to watch them "cookin cucumbers" or "letting the beavers swim" or "slamming the clam" and maybe even watch them "mumbling in the moss". Ok, I'm done.

Chronic Diarrhea · 11-28-2002, 07:28 PM

LOL, it says avoid everybody with pimples, earwax, blindness, etc., for they masturbate all the time. biggrin:

11-28-2002, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by r3mix

eh eh ehe hheehh eehe ehee heeehe e ehe eheh ehe eheh eheh ehe eh ehe eheh ehe heheeh eheh heeh eeheh ehe heeheh ehe heh OMG

i thought those pictures on the front page were like scare tactics.
THATS ACTUALLY THE PEOPLE WHO RUN THAT SITE

as if that bloke doesnt jerk off if the alternative is fucking his wife who looks like she was a stunt double in The Excorcist.

lol i thought the same thing

Chronic Diarrhea · 11-28-2002, 07:33 PM

I guess 99.78345% of all males in this world have gone/are going to hell.

Although most girls/women say they don't masturbate, I bet about 65% probably do every once in a while.

con Brio · 11-28-2002, 07:36 PM

Innoxx · 11-28-2002, 07:41 PM

Yeah, those who guys who don't "wax the dolphin" have no arms/hands. Do you really believe it takes half and hour for a women to shower? She's probably spanking the squirrel guts.

Tripper · 11-28-2002, 07:44 PM

Fuck that, if you don't masterbate, you'll turn into a crazy pedophile freak when you are older! Just look at all those catholic priests....Fuckin' never got to tug the chimney.

Old Reliable · 11-28-2002, 07:44 PM

the longest i've gone without is a month, it's not hard