children

mike_Hunt · **children -** 01-05-2003, 04:23 AM

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are
our own, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, or whatever....
here is something to make you laugh. (Remember, this is a laugh!)

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort
from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to
His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created
Adam and Eve (his children).

The first thing he said was, "Don't!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit?
Hey, Eve. . . we have forbidden fruit!" "No way!" "Yes, way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied,
(wondering why he hadn't stopped creation after elephants).

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break
and was He ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" our first parent, God, asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said,
"Did not!" "Did too!" "DID NOT!
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that
Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed!

But there is assurance in this story.
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children
wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it
would be a piece of cake for you?

Advice for the day:
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it
says on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two Aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit
down and shut-up.

Grandchildren are God's reward to you for not killing your children.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word
for word what you shouldn't have said.

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind
yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

We child proofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in!

Be nice to your kids.
Someday, they'll choose your nursing home.

01-05-2003, 04:30 AM

thanks for the tips founding_law

mike_Hunt · 01-05-2003, 04:33 AM

I want some of your drugs. they have to be good. angel:

01-05-2003, 01:23 PM

copy and paste

01-05-2003, 01:44 PM

[quote="mike_Hunt":9ced4]I want some of your drugs. they have to be good. angel:[/quote:9ced4]

i want some of yours. must just be his "brother" using his ip oOo:

geRV · 01-05-2003, 01:44 PM

[quote=Strik0r]

Quote:

Originally Posted by "mike_Hunt":eed24

I want some of your drugs. they have to be good. angel:

i want some of yours. must just be his "brother" using his ip oOo:[/quote:eed24]

biggrin:

1080jibber · 01-05-2003, 02:11 PM

a little something about mom

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside -I just finished
cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC -
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep crying and I'll "give" you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
"Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER -
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen
then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't
Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this
world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!

THANKS, MOM!

mike_Hunt · 01-05-2003, 02:53 PM

i like that mother one.

Pfc.Green · 01-05-2003, 05:40 PM

[quote="mike_Hunt":8d64b]i like that mother one.[/quote:8d64b]

Yeah that one was good, but I bet you'd like one about someones aunt whos a hooker, huh, Founding_Law.

mike_Hunt · 01-05-2003, 06:35 PM

[quote:5e287]Yeah that one was good, but I bet you'd like one about someones aunt whos a hooker, huh, Founding_Law.
[/quote:5e287]

there is a thing called real life. not every bodys family is the BRADY BUNCH.

grow up you little puke. wait this is your pathetic excuse for living. your little witty comments. that you would not say to my face. you coward.

you feel so bad about your self that you start a flame war. do you feel better? no you just jump on a band wagon. lets flame law because some other idiots do, and its so cool, and you need to be call and wanted. you all are so damn tough over net.

if you guys put the effort of flaming people in to getting laid you might get some pussy. but since you cant you flame . what losers. hahahah

Captain Bunny · 01-05-2003, 07:22 PM

That god thing is all well and good, but what about us parents who dont beleive in god oOo:
If (assuming they did exsist etc) adam and eve were gods children, wouldnt that make what adam and eve did as incest? mind you i suppose the catholic church wouldnt complain about that....

01-05-2003, 07:25 PM

i want drugs

Pfc.Green · 01-05-2003, 07:25 PM

[quote="Captain Bunny":1193b]That god thing is all well and good, but what about us parents who dont beleive in god oOo:
If (assuming they did exsist etc) adam and eve were gods children, wouldnt that make what adam and eve did as incest? mind you i suppose the catholic church wouldnt complain about that....[/quote:1193b]

The whole family would have been incestual...I mean did'nt Adam and even only have two sons?

01-05-2003, 07:51 PM

i noticed that foundin law's grammer and spelling has improved

01-05-2003, 07:56 PM

[quote="Captain Bunny":94df5]That god thing is all well and good, but what about us parents who dont beleive in god oOo:
If (assuming they did exsist etc) adam and eve were gods children, wouldnt that make what adam and eve did as incest? mind you i suppose the catholic church wouldnt complain about that....[/quote:94df5]

i think adam and eve symbolizes the human race, they evolve then they mate