[Bazooka_Joe]

Not knock-knock jokes, or story jokes, but practical jokes. For example:

Go into your local K-mart/Wal-mart/Target/Caldors/WHATEVER, and put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

or

While driving on the expressway, speed up, pull up next to someone on their left, frantically yell "PULL OVER! PULL OVER!" Once they pull over, you just keep going.

or

Next time you drive through a toll booth, try to bargain with the person taking your money. Tell him you only have 35 cents because you spent all your money on strippers and beer. (This works well espically if you're a chick!)

or

RUN into your local corner store and scream "ARE YOU OPEN ON THURSDAY?!?!" Once they answer, yell "THANK YOU!!!" then run back out.

or

Next time you are at a crosswalk with a light, look for a sign that reads "Pedestrians have the right of way". Once this light turns green, and there are cars waiting to go through the intersection, start dancing/playing in the street. If the car beeps it horn, abryuptly stop, and point to the sign in a gloating fashion.

OR!!!

If you see a car waiting at a light (espically an oldsmobile/caddiliac) jump into the back seat, and tell the driver a local address. When he/she says "I'm not a cab!" Just reply "Well fine! I WAS going to give you a good tip, too! HAVE A NICE DAY!" and jump out of the car.

or

Next time you go through a drive-thru, and the operator tells you (rare, but it happens!) "Welcome to (Fast food place), can you please hold." simply say "my dick!" They like when you do this, it gives them a thrill in their job, and a reason to spit in your food! heh

(Tnx to Mr. George Carlin, the comedian not the AA.COM member, for some of the great jokes. he's by far the best.)

[Innoxx]

I liked his rant on religion, pure gold.

[^OdT^]

whats big and white and can't climb trees?













a fridge

[Innoxx]

[quote="^OdT^":d7102]whats big and white and can't climb trees?













a fridge[/quote:d7102]

or anyone from Memphis

[^OdT^]

> > A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says that he would be
> sending
> a
> > friend over to look at a horse.
> > The buddy says, "How will I recognize him?"
> > "That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment".
> > So the midget shows up, and the horse rancher asks him if he was looking
> > for
> > a male or female horse.
> > "A female horth" says the midget.
> > So the rancher shows him a prized filly.
> > "Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
> > So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once
> over.
> > "Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?
> > So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
> > "Nith earzth. can I see her mouf"?
> > The rancher is gettin pretty irritated by this point, but he picks him
> up
> > again and shows him the horse's mouth.
> > "Nice mouf, now can I see her twat"?
> > Totally pissed at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arm and
> jams
> > the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's you-know-what, pulls
> him
> > out and slams him on the ground.
> > The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing, and says, "Perhapth I
> should
> > rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdle bit"?



if you don't get it......................read it again you idiot

[Wolf-Man]

Ok, this Eskimo is driving south one day. He's just approaching town when his car starts making a funny noise. As luck would have it, he spots a garage nearby, so he rolls in and gets out, throwing back his big furry eskimo hood.

The mechanic walks over and asks him what the trouble is. He Eskimo shrugs and says his car was making a noise, but he doesn't know much more than that.

The mechanic tells the Eskimo it'll take a while, but he'll check it out.

So the Eskimo agrees to leave the car there, and decides to do some shopping while he's waiting. So he goes off.

So he's walking around, and he gets an ice cream. He eventually heads back to the mechanic, who is is just finishing, wiping his hands on a rag.

He looks at the Eskimo and says, "Looks like you've blown a seal".

The Eskimo says, "No no... I just had an ice-cream."

[Sotilas Jane]

What’s difference between bin Laden and onion?

You don’t shed a tear while cutting bin Laden.

[^OdT^]

A blind man and his guide dog enter a Bar and find their way to a bar stool.
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,
the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know
something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6'
tall, 200lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman
sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to our
right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler.
Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five
times."

[Innoxx]

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

>2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

>3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

>4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

>5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

>6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

>7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

>8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

>9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

>10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

>

PS: not to taken seriously.

[Innoxx]

The old Cherokee chief sat in his reservation hut, smoking the ceremonial pipe, eyeing the two US
government officials sent to interview him.
"Chief Two Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for many generations, you
have seen his wars and his products, you have seen all his progress, and all his problems."

The chief nodded. The official continued, "Considering recent events, in your opinion, where has the
white man gone wrong?"

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and then calmly replied.

"When white man found the land, Indians were running it.

* No taxes.

* No debt.

* Plenty buffalo

* Plenty beaver

* Women did the work

* Medicine man free

* Indian men hunted and fished all the time..."

The chief smiled, and added quietly, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like
that."

[Mr.X]

The Indian brave was unhappy and asked his father
"Father...how do you choose the name of your children?..."
"Well...after I have lain with your mother...I look outside teepee and choose
a name from what I see....this is how your brother came to be called Mighty Oak, why your
sister is called Swift Cloud.........anyways, why do you ask, Two-Dogs-Fucking..?...."

[Zoner]

[quote:e0e3c]Not knock-knock jokes, or story jokes, but practical jokes. [/quote:e0e3c]

You've missed the point of Joe's post, dingbats.

----------------------------------------------------------
Ways to annoy your Public Bathroom Stall mate

10. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise

9. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

8. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit!! My glass eye!!"

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place about six to eight feet away. Sigh relaxingly.

6. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"

5. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"

4. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

3. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks

2. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

and the number one way to annoy your public bathroom stallmate is

1. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,"Whoa ! Easy boy !!"

------------------------------------------

Zone

[RandomSkater]

mountain dew is to pure to waiste... use mellow yellow instead

[=BA-MF=LoneGunner65=2nd=c]

i got one ok theres this boy he walks out of his house and see two cows going at it his pa comes and he sais hey pa wats they be doin. Pa sais theys be fuckin.Fuckin wats fuckin well i think your old enough to konw wat fuckin is come into the kitchen son and i show you. They went into the kitchen and ma is washing the dishes. Pa comes in and sais bend over hun now see the hole between ma's legs watch old pa he starts going at her.Then the kids friend comes in and sais hey aahhhhhh wat are they doin. The kid sais theys be fuckin. His friend say fuckin wats fuckin. The boy sais well see the hole between pa's legs watch o billy.

[^OdT^]

two cows are standing in a field

1st cow: here, what d'ya think about this mad cow disease?

2nd cow: what you asking me for i'm a helicopter!





ok so maybe only the brits will understand (and the irish in the case of gerard) but even they will probably think it was shite