Worlds funniest joke?

geRV · **Worlds funniest joke? -** 10-04-2002, 04:41 AM

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

eek:

http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/10 ... index.html

SoLiDUS · 10-04-2002, 04:50 AM

That's the funniest joke ? eek:

geRV · 10-04-2002, 04:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoLiDUS

That's the funniest joke ? eek:

No this is

[img]http://homepage.ntlworld.com/gerald.marley/Smilies/repost3.gif[/img]

evil:

Mr.X · 10-04-2002, 04:52 AM

man: "...my dog has no nose"

2nd man: "...really?...how does he smell?"

man: "terrible!"

geRV · 10-04-2002, 04:52 AM

[quote="Mr.X":55e95]man: "...my dog has no nose"

2nd man: "...really?...how does he smell?"

man: "terrible!" [/quote:55e95]

[img]http://homepage.ntlworld.com/gerald.marley/Smilies/why.gif[/img]

Mr.X · 10-04-2002, 05:19 AM

man to butcher: "...do you have sheeps testicles?"

butcher: "No...it's just the way these trousers hang."

BallisticWookie · 10-04-2002, 05:35 AM

Hahahahahahahaha, fucking hilarious !!!!!!!!

......or was it ??

Zoner · 10-04-2002, 06:22 AM

The Pope's on an airplane doing a crossword puzzle. The cardinal next to him notices a puzzled look on the Pontiff's face and asks him,

"Are you stuck on one, Holiness?"

The Pope replied, "Why yes I am. Can you tell me a 4 letter word for "woman" that ends in "UNT"?

The cardinal ponders it for a minute and answers, "How about "AUNT"?

The Pope, looking sheepish, says, "That's it! Do you have an eraser?"

biggrin:

Zone

Zoner · 10-04-2002, 06:28 AM

I like this one too:

A priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip,
he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding
a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"

"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!" the priest said.

"No, Father," replied the guide, "that's what kind of fish it is. It's a Son
of a Bitch fish!"

"Really? Well help me land this Son of a Bitch!" chimed the priest.

Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster. "Father, that is the
biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen" said the guide.

"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch," replied the priest.

Elated, the priest headed home to the church. Sister Mary inquired
about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" the
priest said.

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary. "Father!"

"It's OK Sister," said the priest, "that's what kind of fish it is. A Son
of a Bitch fish!"

"Oh well, then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a
Bitch?" asked Sister Mary.

The Sister informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to visit
in a few days and that the Friar should fix the Son of a Bitch for
dinner.

On the night of the Pope's visit, everything was perfect. The church
had prepared an excellent meal, there was wine, and the fish was
excellent.

The Pope said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"

"I caught the Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest. The
Pope's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.

"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the sister. The Pope
sat silent in disbelief.

And the Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using
a special recipe!"

The Pope looked at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept
across his face, and he said, "You fuckers are alright!"

biggrin:

Zone

geRV · 10-04-2002, 06:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zoner91

I like this one too:

A priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip,
he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding
a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"

"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!" the priest said.

"No, Father," replied the guide, "that's what kind of fish it is. It's a Son
of a Bitch fish!"

"Really? Well help me land this Son of a Bitch!" chimed the priest.

Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster. "Father, that is the
biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen" said the guide.

"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch," replied the priest.

Elated, the priest headed home to the church. Sister Mary inquired
about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" the
priest said.

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary. "Father!"

"It's OK Sister," said the priest, "that's what kind of fish it is. A Son
of a Bitch fish!"

"Oh well, then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a
Bitch?" asked Sister Mary.

The Sister informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to visit
in a few days and that the Friar should fix the Son of a Bitch for
dinner.

On the night of the Pope's visit, everything was perfect. The church
had prepared an excellent meal, there was wine, and the fish was
excellent.

The Pope said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"

"I caught the Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest. The
Pope's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.

"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the sister. The Pope
sat silent in disbelief.

And the Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using
a special recipe!"

The Pope looked at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept
across his face, and he said, "You fuckers are alright!"

biggrin:

Zone

Lol best of the bunch biggrin:

=[BANE]= · 10-04-2002, 07:16 AM

Change your course now
This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Found here ---> http://www.ahajokes.com/war004.html

Zoner · 10-04-2002, 07:27 AM

...and they call us Newfoundlanders stupid. BAH!! BAH, I say!

Zone

10-04-2002, 01:47 PM

hahaha silly newfie. whenever someoen goes to make ajoke in person i just shut them down. example

why did the hunter shoot his dog?

how the fuck should i know?

Mr.X · 10-04-2002, 02:18 PM

[quote="aNti hEro":d55b3]hahaha silly newfie. whenever someoen goes to make ajoke in person i just shut them down. example

why did the hunter shoot his dog?

how the fuck should i know?[/quote:d55b3]

...yeah?...so what the fuck do you want us to do about it...?.... oOo:

Milla · 10-04-2002, 02:19 PM

How do you start a rumble in a jewish temple?............

Answer: Roll a penny down the isle biggrin: