Rules of being a Man

Airborne Butters · **Rules of being a Man -** 12-19-2005, 01:01 PM

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

2. It is ok for a man to cry under the following
circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out
of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
optional.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of
flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel... And it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.

26. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an
Xbox. End of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever.

[DAS REICH] Blitz · 12-19-2005, 01:06 PM

older than eden.

Akuma · 12-19-2005, 01:58 PM

Shit I'm bearly a man.

Stammer · 12-19-2005, 02:02 PM

sleeping:

Unknown_Sniper · 12-19-2005, 02:05 PM

should also include this http://www.dirtyneedle.net/2005/10/dude ... cement.htm

Doctor Duffy · 12-19-2005, 03:16 PM

Isnt this in Chipotle? On a poster?

Milla · 12-19-2005, 03:30 PM

http://www.dirtyneedle.net/2005/09/unof ... ndbook.htm

rofl

Zoner · 12-19-2005, 03:33 PM

29. You never, under no circumstances, post old, gay lists that your mother would send through email to her bridge club friends.

**Re: Rules of being a Man -** 12-19-2005, 03:37 PM

[quote:d9c47]
3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
and eaten by his buddies.
[/quote:d9c47]

Uhm, what if I wanted to post pics on the net?

[quote:d9c47]
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
weakest.
[/quote:d9c47]
When you gotta go, you gotta go...Either its the car that gets peed on, or you stop.

[quote:d9c47]
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
[/quote:d9c47]
Unless its football..Football sucks and I don't care one bit about the teams.

[quote:d9c47]
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
[/quote:d9c47]
I'd rather stay clothed in prison...

[quote:d9c47]
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.
[/quote:d9c47]
It's OK if she fills up the gas again.

[quote:d9c47]
26. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
orange or sky blue.
[/quote:d9c47]
Whats wrong with sky blue or brown cars?

[quote:d9c47]
28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever.[/quote:d9c47]
Ice Skating - NO
Men's gymnastics is actually pretty interesting to watch, if its the Olympics.

Doctor Duffy · 12-19-2005, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zoner

29. You never, under no circumstances, post old, gay lists that your mother would send through email to her bridge club friends.

lol

Mr.Buttocks · 12-19-2005, 04:05 PM

It's all true because it's totally true!!!!!!!!!!!

Pyro · 12-19-2005, 04:14 PM

sky blue is the man's pink...

...honestly...I would think you're more of a man with a pink car than a sky blue...ugly ugly ugly pussy colour...and blue happens to be my favourite colour...but that shade is DISGUSTING.

Anyways...pass all your bitches on to the rest of your homies.