two old guys are comparing their age and the 1st man says "I shake so much now it takes me 15 minutes to button my pants"

Thats nothing says the 2nd man "This morning i came 3 times while i was taking a piss"

What about the dyslexic prostitute who got a job in a warehouse... oOo:

While riding the bus a man notices a very attractive nun a few seats ahead. He then comes up with a brilliant plan to sleep with her.

He walks up to the nun and says excuse me miss.. I couldnt help but notice you are a very attractive lady of the cloth and I was wondering if you could help me. You see i am just coming home from the doctors who informed me I only have one week to live. My one last request is to make love to a beautiful women like yourself. I know your a nun and are not allowed but please find compassion in my plea.

"I understand your plight my son" she replies in a soft sensual tone.
"Therfore i shall grant you your request get off at the next stop with me"

They get off on the next stop and go to a hotel room and make sweet love and passionate monkey sex. after several hours they walk down to leave.

as they part and walk the opposite ways. the man feels tremendous guilt for what he has done and turns around and runs back to the nun

Mother! I am sorry for what ive just done...I lied to you, I am not dying..I am going to hell for this I know I am sorry I just need to tell you the truth

"Its ok my son since you told me the truth I will tell you the truth as well"

"My names bob and im going to a masquerade party"

lol all that for that crappy punch line..its much better but i cant remember all of it

Whats LONG HARD AND FULL OF SEAMEN!!















A SUBMARINE!!!!!!!! LOLLOLOLOOL

How many people with A.D.D does it take to screw in a lightbulb

















I RIDE BIKES!

Then there was the clairvoyant who had to quit due to unforseen circumstances.... rolleyes:

whats the difference between a blond and a masquito?



a masquito stops sucking when you slap it

[quote="Eight Ace":1e36b]Then there was the clairvoyant who had to quit due to unforseen circumstances.... rolleyes:[/quote:1e36b]

That makes me wonder..how the hell did Miss Cleo go bankrupt?..didnt the bitch see that shit coming?

[quote="Dr. Deleto":231bf]whats the smartest thing to ever come out of a blonde's mouth?


Einstein's dick[/quote:231bf]

hahhahah. that was good. im going to have to steal it. the_finger:

three guys are traveling in the woods in their jeep when it breaks down. they see an old house in the forest and decide to ask the resident to stay the night. the old lady agrees to let them spend the night, but only has one bedroom in the house. one guy will sleep in the room with her, another in the bathtub, and the last guy will sleep in the laundry room downstairs. during the night, the guy sleeping with the old woman wakes up to go to the bathroom, but cant because the other guy is in the bathroom sleeping with the door locked. since he cant hold it any longer, he takes a shit in his pillow case and throws it in the laundry chute. then next morning, they all sit at the table to eat breakfast and the old woman asks how they slept. the first guy said he slept fine, the bed was very comfortable. the second guy said he had a pain in his neck from the bathtub. the third guy says it was horrible because he was startled in the middle of the night, and beat the shit out of a ghost.