Funniest Tv Quote
 

Mine is from Seinfeld Episode 51: The Contest

KRAMER: Hey, Georgie.

JERRY AND ELAINE: Hi.

(George sits down next to Elaine - opposite Kramer)

JERRY: (To George) What's the matter?

GEORGE: (Slowly shakes his head) My mother caught me.

JERRY: "Caught" you? Doing what?

GEORGE: You know. (All three give him blank stares) I was alone..

ELAINE: (Making a face of surprise) You mean..?!

GEORGE: (Nods) Uh-huh.

KRAMER: (Laughing) She caught you?

(Elaine laughs with Kramer)

JERRY: Where?

GEORGE: (Not really wanting to embellish) ..I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes.. Nobody was there - they're supposed

to be working. (Jerry and Elaine look at each other - enjoying the story) My mother had a Glamour magazine, I started leafing through it..

JERRY: "Glamour"?

(Kramer and Elaine laugh slightly)

GEORGE: ..So, one thing lead to another..

JERRY: So, what did she do?

GEORGE: First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it.

KRMAER: (Reflecting on the story so far) Man..

GEORGE: I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.

JERRY: What did you do?

GEORGE: I zipped up!

ELAINE: (Wide-eyed) So, she fell?

GEORGE: Yeah. (Noticing this makes him out to be the bad kid, he gets defensive) Well, I couldn't run over there the way I was!

ELAINE: No, I guess you couldn't have..

JERRY: (In the middle of Elaine's sentence, smiling) No, I wouldn't think so.

ELAINE: (Finishing it off) ..done that.

GEORGE: So, she fell, and then she started screaming, "My back! My back!" So, I picked her up and took her to the hospital.

ELAINE: (Between chuckles) How is she?

GEORGE: (Somewhat angered) She's in traction.

ELAINE: (Still laughing) Ok, I'm sorry.

GEORGE: It's not funny, Elaine.

ELAINE: (Stifling her laughter) I know. I'm sorry. I'm serious.

GEORGE: Her back went out. She's gotta be there for a couple of days. All she said on the way over in the car was, "Why, George, why?!".. I said, "Because it's

there!"

(Kramer laughs, sipping his drink)

JERRY: "Glamour"?

(Elaine laughs)

GEORGE: (Vowing) Well, I'll tell you this, though - I am never doing.. that , again.

ELAINE: What, you mean, in your mother's house, or all together?

GEORGE: (Definite) All together.

(The next three lines are said at the exact same time)

ELAINE: Oh, gimme a break..

JERRY: (Skeptical) Ohhh yeah.. right.

KRAMER: Oh, like you're gonna stop?

JERRY AND ELAINE: C'mon..

GEORGE: You don't think I can?

JERRY: No chance.

GEORGE: (Daring) You think you could?

JERRY: Well, I know I could hold out longer than you.

GEORGE: Care to make it interesting?

JERRY: Sure, how much?

GEORGE: A hundred dollars.

JERRY: (Pointing) You're on.

KRAMER: (Butting in) Wait a second, wait a second. Count me in on this. (Clicks his tongue)

JERRY: You?

KRAMER: Yeah.

JERRY: You'll be out before we get the check.

ELAINE: (Smiling) I want to be in on this, too.

GEORGE AND JERRY: (Rejecting) Ohh, no. No, no, no..

ELAINE: Why?

JERRY: (Showing difference) It's apples and oranges..

ELAINE: What? Why? (More 'no, no, no's from Jerry and George. Persistent) Why?

JERRY: Because you're a woman!

ELAINE: So what?

JERRY: It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man.

ELAINE: (Sarcastic) Oh.

JERRY: We have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh.. shaving.

ELAINE: Oh, that is such bologna. I shave my legs.

KRAMER: (Making a point) Not everyday.

GEORGE: Alright, look, you want to be in?

ELAINE: Yeah!

GEORGE: You gotta give us odds. At least two to one - you gotta put up two-hundred dollars.

KRAMER: No, a thousand!

ELAINE: No, I'll - I'll put up one-fifty.

GEORGE: Alright, you're in for one-fifty.

JERRY: (Nodding) Okay, one-fifty.

GEORGE: Alright, now, how are we gonna monitor this thing?

JERRY: Well, obviously, we all know each other very well, (Elaine slightly laughs) I'm sure that we'll all feel comfortable within the confines of the honor system.

KRAMER: Alright. (Holds out his pinkie at the center of the table)

(Jerry, Elaine, and George all hook their pinkies onto his, in a 'pinkie promise', they all pull their hand away, yelling out "Yeah!")

(Scene ends)
i love that show

i dont care what other people say, i love seinfeild that show was awesome

Diff'rent Strokes

GaryColeman saying to Todd Bridges (willis): Whatchu talkin 'bout?!

JERRY: You'll be out before we get the check.

lmao

anything with kramer...man thats the only sitcom that can make me laugh

Kramer is the funniest, thats the best show ever.

Greatest show EVER.

Best Quote:

"Hellooo, NEEWMAAN!"

[quote="Simo Häyhä":97402]i dont care what other people say, i love seinfeild that show was awesome[/quote:97402]


yeah it was, i still watch the re runs on tv everyday.....


.........Shes got Man hands!

[url:a4a44]http://albinoblacksheep.com/flash/caught.php[/url:a4a44]

Taken from The Man show:

Why did god give us a penis and a brain and not enough blood to run both at the same time?

If you love funny sketch comedy and hearing two perverted guys talking about Mastuerbating, boobs and making over people they interacted with look like fools that was the show.

Beer Sketch with the Man show boy:

Woman: Are you old enough to be selling beer?

MSB:I'm sure I am would you like some beer?

W:You shouldn't be selling beer youre not over 21

MSB: Ok, listen Hitler we dont have any german beer here so move along.

BWAW HAW HAW HAW HAWWW!! Man, that was the funniest thing...I almost shit when I saw that on the t00b one night.

Those guys were funny together shame Jimmy had to go persue his "Show" and they hired a couple of idiots to do the new man show.

Man Show was great. My favorite's probably homer from the Simpsons saying: "Help me, Jeebus!"

saturday night live chris farley as matt foley "you'll have plenty of time to live in a van down by the river.......WHEN YOUR LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.

"Ok listen brain, I dont like you and you dont like me. So lets get this over with and I can go back to killing you with beer." - Homer Simpson

"You mean there's a crayong in my brain?!" Homer Simpson while pointing to stomach

Funny Ralph Wiggum quotes.

"Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!"

"When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar."

"Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me."

"Then, the doctor told me that BOTH my eyes were lazy! And that's why it was the best summer ever."

"This snowflake tastes like fishsticks."

Homer Simpson's Brain: "Don't say revenge, don't say revenge!"

Homer: "Revenge"

Homer's brain: "That's it I'm out of here!"

Footsteps. Door slam.

"The doctor said I wouldn't get so many nose bleeds if I just kept my finger outta there"

"Dieing Tickles"

"Sleeping! That's when I'm a viking!"

"I sleep in a drawer!"

"It tastes like burning!"

any thing ralph wiggem says from the simpsons

"It said I was gay" in the episode with the grandpa's love machine

"Boring!" from homer simpson

"Now go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, someday, you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations: You may outsmart someone!" from homer simpson

"Simpson-Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree....D'oh!" when he sings with the flinstones music

"I like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals flaming." from homer simpson

"Springfield Vocals band? They suck!"-Homer Simpson

oops

"Did you ever see that blue-man group? Allll a rip-off of the smurfs...and the smurfs...THEY SUCK!" *Passes out drunk*-Homer while drunk

Wasn't it Starlight Vocal band?

It IS Starlight Vocal Band, thus proving that Sclass doesnt even know why that quote is funny. hake:

a funny quote from sienfeld

"Kramer, how about we knock down these walls and make mine and your apartment 1 apartment"

"Jerry... these are load-bearing walls they arn't gonna budge"

Seinfeld

when Kramer has a smoking loung in his appartment and his face is all messed

and Jerry points out that it looks like catchers mit

and kramer says

"loo... look away... I'm hideous" LMAO!

when the show ended they had bloopers and what not.. and they showed that sceme over and over cuz they couldnt stop laughing... hell.. either could I

Homer Simpson: Don't you hate pants?!

HAHAHHAHAHAH the sketch i remember so well.

remember the one with george forman?? lmao

Bart: cool dad...you killed the Zombie Flanders!
Homer:....he was a Zombie?...

or whenever Homer says ...myeah...but whatayagonna do..?.... oOo:

[quote="Bazooka_Joe":9bf1d]Man Show was great. My favorite's probably homer from the Simpsons saying: "Help me, Jeebus!"[/quote:9bf1d]
On family guy last night the popes cardinal dudes were talking and they said they found a miss print in the bible. It said jeebus instead of jesus. wonder if there is a connection.

*bump bump* Homer - Hope it was flanders!
Flanders - homer Im right here!

[quote="Unknown_Sniper":74e6e]*bump bump* Homer - Hope it was flanders!
Flanders - homer Im right here![/quote:74e6e]

He actually says -

"I thik we hit something" - Flanders
'I hope it was Flanders" - Homer
Homer looks at Flanders sitting next time -
"Ha ha I mean - Hey, you're alright (alright used to mean "cool" not "well")" - Homer

And Family Guy, as funny as some of the situations are, ripped HEAVILY from the stlye, pacing, and non-sequitor nature of The Simpsons.

[quote="ED! Ban #127":30576][quote="Unknown_Sniper":30576]*bump bump* Homer - Hope it was flanders!
Flanders - homer Im right here![/quote:30576]

He actually says -

"I thik we hit something" - Flanders
'I hope it was Flanders" - Homer
Homer looks at Flanders sitting next time -
"Ha ha I mean - Hey, you're alright (alright used to mean "cool" not "well")" - Homer

And Family Guy, as funny as some of the situations are, ripped HEAVILY from the stlye, pacing, and non-sequitor nature of The Simpsons.[/quote:30576]

thaks I couldnt remember the whole thing. New someone would correct me

[quote="Cpt. Obvious":c48ab][quote="Bazooka_Joe":c48ab]Man Show was great. My favorite's probably homer from the Simpsons saying: "Help me, Jeebus!"[/quote:c48ab]
On family guy last night the popes cardinal dudes were talking and they said they found a miss print in the bible. It said jeebus instead of jesus. wonder if there is a connection.[/quote:c48ab]
hahaha yeah

more quotes from that episode

"As you say, Im the freakin' Pope!"-Pope

"Peter, I've been working three times as hard and Im still not employee of the week. How am I supposed to compete with that guy?
*Points up to Employee of the week frame with pic of Jesus in it*
Peter:I wonder what ever happened to Jesus
*Cuts to golf course with Jesus and 2 other guys*
Jesus:Here comes my 4th Birdie *shoots and misses*
Guy1:Ah tough break Jesus
Guy2:Yeah, tough break
Jesus:wait, wait *Uses powers to knock ball in*
BOOYAH!

That show is hilarious

All the one liners that "Norm" had on Cheers are my favorites. Here is a sampling:

"What's shaking Norm?"
"All four cheeks and a couple of chins."

"What's new Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer."

"What'd you like Normie?"
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."

"What'll you have Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of the tap."
"Looks like beer Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."

"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."

"Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know. If she calls, I'm not here."

"Beer, Norm?"
"Have I gotten that predictable? Good."

"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"

"Whatcha up to Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."

"How's life treating you Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with it's wife."

"Women. Can't live with 'em...pass the beer nuts."

"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"Alright, but stop me at one...make that one-thirty."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."

"What's the story Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

"What's going on Mr. Peterson?"
"The question is what's going IN Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody."

"Can I pour you a beer Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."

[quote:0a217]"Can I pour you a beer Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."[/quote:0a217]

ahahahahahaha

another one for Family Guy would have to be

Lois:"Peter, you're drunk!"
Peter:"No, im just exhasuted from staying up all night drinking"

and this one from the SImpsons, when Agent Scully and Agent Mulder investigate Homer because he says he saw an alien

*Homer is hooked up to lie detector*
Scully:"Homer, this is a simple lie detector test. We will ask you a couple yes or no questions and you just answer truthfully, do you understand?"
Homer:Yes!
*Polygraph machine beeps and blows up*


biggrin:

Lisa: ''Is this Bear Patrol stuff realy necessary?
Homer: ''Yeah, but it keeps the bears away.''
Lisa: ''But, with a theory like that, I could say this rock keeps tigers away.''
Homer: ''How does it work?''
Lisa: ''It doesn't. It's just a stupid rock.''
Homer: ''Lisa, I would like to buy your rock.''

Some quotes from the Blackadder series.

Blackaderr goes fourth, talking about Squadron Commander Flashheart.

"Most of the infantry think youre a prat. Ask them who theyd prefer to meet - Squadron commander Flashheart or the man who cleans the public toilets in Aberdeen and theyd go for Wee Jock Poo-Pong McPlop every time."

On concert parties:

"Id rather spend an evening on top of a stepladder in No Mans Land smoking endless cigarettes through a luminous balaclava."

On baldrick:

"Baldrick, in the Amazon rain forests there are tribes of indians as yet untouched by civilization who have developed a more convincing charlie chaplin impression than yours."

"Ive a horrid suspicion that baldricks plan will be the stupidest thing we've heard since Lord Nelsons famous signal at the battle of the Nile; 'everyone knows lady hamiltons a virgin, poke my eye out and cut off my arm if im wrong'."



Percy: "Couldnt you dip into the family fortune?"

Blackadder: "There isnt one. My father spent it all on wine, women and amatuer dramatics. At the end he was eking out a living doing humerous impressions of Anne of Cleves."

Percy: "Oh edmund, im sorry, i had no idea. But do not despair, for i have a small savigns, carefully harvested from my weekly allowance set against my frail old age. By lucky hap, its just over a thousand methinks, and has for years been hidden beyond the wit of any theif..."

Percy & Blackadder: "...in an old sock under the squeaky floorboard..."

Percy, Blackadder & Baldrick: "...Behind the kitchen dresser."

Percy: "Youve seen it?"

Blackadder: "Seen it, pinched it, spent it. And the same goes for the two farthings baldrick thinks hes got hidden inside that mouldy potato."

Baldrick: "Oh, bloody hell!"

I lvoe this one from the Man Show

*its Q and A*
SOmeone's question is "If you could spend 1 n ight with Pamela Anderson or have a lifetime supply of spaghetti, which one would you take
Jimmy:Well, thats the pretty touch, but Ill have to take the spaghetti because spaghetti doesnt have Hepatitis C"

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