Funniest Tv Quote

Cpt. Obvious · **Funniest Tv Quote -** 06-24-2003, 10:45 PM

Mine is from Seinfeld Episode 51: The Contest

KRAMER: Hey, Georgie.

JERRY AND ELAINE: Hi.

(George sits down next to Elaine - opposite Kramer)

JERRY: (To George) What's the matter?

GEORGE: (Slowly shakes his head) My mother caught me.

JERRY: "Caught" you? Doing what?

GEORGE: You know. (All three give him blank stares) I was alone..

ELAINE: (Making a face of surprise) You mean..?!

GEORGE: (Nods) Uh-huh.

KRAMER: (Laughing) She caught you?

(Elaine laughs with Kramer)

JERRY: Where?

GEORGE: (Not really wanting to embellish) ..I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes.. Nobody was there - they're supposed

to be working. (Jerry and Elaine look at each other - enjoying the story) My mother had a Glamour magazine, I started leafing through it..

JERRY: "Glamour"?

(Kramer and Elaine laugh slightly)

GEORGE: ..So, one thing lead to another..

JERRY: So, what did she do?

GEORGE: First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it.

KRMAER: (Reflecting on the story so far) Man..

GEORGE: I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.

JERRY: What did you do?

GEORGE: I zipped up!

ELAINE: (Wide-eyed) So, she fell?

GEORGE: Yeah. (Noticing this makes him out to be the bad kid, he gets defensive) Well, I couldn't run over there the way I was!

ELAINE: No, I guess you couldn't have..

JERRY: (In the middle of Elaine's sentence, smiling) No, I wouldn't think so.

ELAINE: (Finishing it off) ..done that.

GEORGE: So, she fell, and then she started screaming, "My back! My back!" So, I picked her up and took her to the hospital.

ELAINE: (Between chuckles) How is she?

GEORGE: (Somewhat angered) She's in traction.

ELAINE: (Still laughing) Ok, I'm sorry.

GEORGE: It's not funny, Elaine.

ELAINE: (Stifling her laughter) I know. I'm sorry. I'm serious.

GEORGE: Her back went out. She's gotta be there for a couple of days. All she said on the way over in the car was, "Why, George, why?!".. I said, "Because it's

there!"

(Kramer laughs, sipping his drink)

JERRY: "Glamour"?

(Elaine laughs)

GEORGE: (Vowing) Well, I'll tell you this, though - I am never doing.. that , again.

ELAINE: What, you mean, in your mother's house, or all together?

GEORGE: (Definite) All together.

(The next three lines are said at the exact same time)

ELAINE: Oh, gimme a break..

JERRY: (Skeptical) Ohhh yeah.. right.

KRAMER: Oh, like you're gonna stop?

JERRY AND ELAINE: C'mon..

GEORGE: You don't think I can?

JERRY: No chance.

GEORGE: (Daring) You think you could?

JERRY: Well, I know I could hold out longer than you.

GEORGE: Care to make it interesting?

JERRY: Sure, how much?

GEORGE: A hundred dollars.

JERRY: (Pointing) You're on.

KRAMER: (Butting in) Wait a second, wait a second. Count me in on this. (Clicks his tongue)

JERRY: You?

KRAMER: Yeah.

JERRY: You'll be out before we get the check.

ELAINE: (Smiling) I want to be in on this, too.

GEORGE AND JERRY: (Rejecting) Ohh, no. No, no, no..

ELAINE: Why?

JERRY: (Showing difference) It's apples and oranges..

ELAINE: What? Why? (More 'no, no, no's from Jerry and George. Persistent) Why?

JERRY: Because you're a woman!

ELAINE: So what?

JERRY: It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man.

ELAINE: (Sarcastic) Oh.

JERRY: We have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh.. shaving.

ELAINE: Oh, that is such bologna. I shave my legs.

KRAMER: (Making a point) Not everyday.

GEORGE: Alright, look, you want to be in?

ELAINE: Yeah!

GEORGE: You gotta give us odds. At least two to one - you gotta put up two-hundred dollars.

KRAMER: No, a thousand!

ELAINE: No, I'll - I'll put up one-fifty.

GEORGE: Alright, you're in for one-fifty.

JERRY: (Nodding) Okay, one-fifty.

GEORGE: Alright, now, how are we gonna monitor this thing?

JERRY: Well, obviously, we all know each other very well, (Elaine slightly laughs) I'm sure that we'll all feel comfortable within the confines of the honor system.

KRAMER: Alright. (Holds out his pinkie at the center of the table)

(Jerry, Elaine, and George all hook their pinkies onto his, in a 'pinkie promise', they all pull their hand away, yelling out "Yeah!")

(Scene ends)
i love that show

Simo Häyhä · 06-24-2003, 10:50 PM

i dont care what other people say, i love seinfeild that show was awesome

Coleman · 06-24-2003, 11:21 PM

Diff'rent Strokes

GaryColeman saying to Todd Bridges (willis): Whatchu talkin 'bout?!

Pyro · 06-24-2003, 11:53 PM

JERRY: You'll be out before we get the check.

lmao

Old Reliable · 06-24-2003, 11:57 PM

anything with kramer...man thats the only sitcom that can make me laugh

Milla · 06-25-2003, 12:23 AM

Kramer is the funniest, thats the best show ever.

Tripper · 06-25-2003, 12:43 AM

Greatest show EVER.

Best Quote:

"Hellooo, NEEWMAAN!"

:Hybrid: · 06-25-2003, 01:12 AM

[quote="Simo Häyhä":97402]i dont care what other people say, i love seinfeild that show was awesome[/quote:97402]

yeah it was, i still watch the re runs on tv everyday.....

.........Shes got Man hands!

06-25-2003, 01:30 AM

[url:a4a44]http://albinoblacksheep.com/flash/caught.php[/url:a4a44]

MrLevinstein · 06-25-2003, 08:29 AM

Taken from The Man show:

Why did god give us a penis and a brain and not enough blood to run both at the same time?

If you love funny sketch comedy and hearing two perverted guys talking about Mastuerbating, boobs and making over people they interacted with look like fools that was the show.

Beer Sketch with the Man show boy:

Woman: Are you old enough to be selling beer?

MSB:I'm sure I am would you like some beer?

W:You shouldn't be selling beer youre not over 21

MSB: Ok, listen Hitler we dont have any german beer here so move along.

Zoner · 06-25-2003, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikesnacki

Taken from The Man show:

Why did god give us a penis and a brain and not enough blood to run both at the same time?

If you love funny sketch comedy and hearing two perverted guys talking about Mastuerbating, boobs and making over people they interacted with look like fools that was the show.

Beer Sketch with the Man show boy:

Woman: Are you old enough to be selling beer?

MSB:I'm sure I am would you like some beer?

W:You shouldn't be selling beer youre not over 21

MSB: Ok, listen Hitler we dont have any german beer here so move along.

BWAW HAW HAW HAW HAWWW!! Man, that was the funniest thing...I almost shit when I saw that on the t00b one night.

MrLevinstein · 06-25-2003, 09:11 AM

Those guys were funny together shame Jimmy had to go persue his "Show" and they hired a couple of idiots to do the new man show.

Bazooka_Joe · 06-25-2003, 10:52 AM

Man Show was great. My favorite's probably homer from the Simpsons saying: "Help me, Jeebus!"

06-25-2003, 11:32 AM

saturday night live chris farley as matt foley "you'll have plenty of time to live in a van down by the river.......WHEN YOUR LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.

Unknown_Sniper · 06-25-2003, 11:39 AM

"Ok listen brain, I dont like you and you dont like me. So lets get this over with and I can go back to killing you with beer." - Homer Simpson

"You mean there's a crayong in my brain?!" Homer Simpson while pointing to stomach