Alliedassault           
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Go Back   Alliedassault > Lounge > Offtopic
Reload this Page Worst sex ever
Offtopic Any topics not related to the games we cover. Doesn't mean this is a Spam-fest. Profanity is allowed, enter at your own risk.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Worst sex ever
Old
  (#1)
Madmartagen is Offline
Captain
 
Posts: 5,558
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Anaheim, CA
   
Default Worst sex ever - 09-14-2005, 02:11 AM

Went out with my friends tonight and got really drunk for the first time. I ended up in the backseat of this whales car. Her legs had stuble, her back had hair, and her snatch stank like it hadnt been bathed in a week. My friends wanted me to get drunk, but they made the mistake of letting me drive there. So to get back, i fuckin sobered up fast with a bucket of water, puked a few times in an alley then took my car and fuckin left those shit fucks behind. 35 minutes later on the road, they call me, but im busy at Taco Bell pouring hot sauce into my throat and gurgling it to get her taste out of my mouth. I dont know how, but i managed to eat food w/o puking all over my car. I staggered home a few minutes ago and took this shot of me waiting for one of my friends to come home, he lives across the street.

[url=http://img388.imageshack.us/my.php?image=img05581bs.jpg:05e36][img]http://img388.imageshack.us/img388/2935/img05581bs.th.jpg[/img][/url:05e36]

cheers motherfuckers
  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#2)
dr nein is Offline
Sergeant
 
Posts: 1,473
Join Date: Jan 2004
   
Default 09-14-2005, 02:13 AM

ok?
  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#3)
Bullitt is Offline
Senior Member
 
Posts: 2,303
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Castaic
  Send a message via MSN to Bullitt Send a message via Yahoo to Bullitt  
Default 09-14-2005, 02:15 AM

nag:
  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#4)
Old Reliable is Offline
Senior Member
 
Posts: 11,144
Join Date: Mar 2002
   
Default 09-14-2005, 02:52 AM

you have satisfied a fat chick. i had the fastest sex ever two nights ago....didnt even happen rock:
  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#5)
Madmartagen is Offline
Captain
 
Posts: 5,558
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Anaheim, CA
   
Default 09-14-2005, 03:00 AM

hahah, i dont even think i satisfied her happy:
  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#6)
Arkan is Offline
Captain
 
Arkan's Avatar
 
Posts: 5,930
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Wherever you're not !!
   
Default 09-14-2005, 04:02 AM

-1 for driving under the influence.

As for the bad sex.....been there, done that. I remember coming home from this girls house and had this wicked stank coming from my crotch. Her pussy smelt like a rotting corpse and i couldn't get home fast enough to wash my dick. Why did i fuck her you ask? Well, her name started with a "Y" and i needed that letter for my lil' alphabet fuck game. (fucking my way through the alphabet A-Z)

Chalk that up to experience my friend and never get behind the wheel unless you're 100% sober and not "stumbling" through the door.


The world is my urinal
---------------------
  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#7)
Eight Ace is Offline
Major
 
Posts: 6,139
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Sydney
   
Default 09-14-2005, 05:26 AM

She loves you now, and she's pregnant.....that's her at the door.
  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#8)
Mr.Buttocks is Offline
Major General
 
Mr.Buttocks's Avatar
 
Posts: 12,924
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: The Continent of Africa
   
Default 09-14-2005, 05:39 AM

Just be glad she didn't take a post-sex shit in the glovebox.
  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#9)
Unknown_Sniper is Offline
Captain
 
Posts: 5,724
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Mostly Vermont. Also New Hampshire
  Send a message via AIM to Unknown_Sniper  
Default 09-14-2005, 10:32 AM

yes - 1 for DUI. I wont drive if Im sober but slightly hung over. I wait until I am feeling 100% better.
Cant say I'ev fucked a whale though, good job you fucking beastiality freak.
  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#10)
Poseidon is Offline
2nd Lieutenant
 
Posts: 3,358
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Good ol' England!
   
Default 09-14-2005, 10:46 AM

[quote="Unknown_Sniper":a59be]I wont drive if Im sober[/quote:a59be]

eek:
  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#11)
KTOG is Offline
Captain
 
KTOG's Avatar
 
Posts: 5,824
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Robertplantsville
   
Default 09-14-2005, 10:56 AM

Almost been there many a times. Then jesus whispers in my ear to not do it.
  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#12)
Madmartagen is Offline
Captain
 
Posts: 5,558
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Anaheim, CA
   
Default 09-14-2005, 11:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by KTOG
Almost been there many a times. Then jesus whispers in my ear to not do it.
*sigh, i guess like in life itself, Jesus was not here for me this time. I wasnt drunk when I drove home guys, I drank lots of water and ate some food for about a little over an hour before I left, I just wanted to stick to the story, so I didnt add that part because it was boring. They came home at some hour at night after I slept, but I expect them to bust in here laughing in a couple of hours. I cant get her smell off my fingers no matter how much I scrub, it makes me fearful of what I was touching that night.
  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#13)
Coleman is Offline
Major General
 
Coleman's Avatar
 
Posts: 13,482
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: University Park, PA
   
Default 09-14-2005, 11:26 AM

yeast infection


  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#14)
Madmartagen is Offline
Captain
 
Posts: 5,558
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Anaheim, CA
   
Default 09-14-2005, 11:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coleman
yeast infection
spank:
  
Reply With Quote
Old
  (#15)
Himmler is Offline
Major
 
Himmler's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,938
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Behind You...
  Send a message via AIM to Himmler  
Default 09-14-2005, 11:29 AM

if your that drunk, it takes like a whole morning to get sober, not an hour.

it goes one drink = one hour, if you know what i mean
  
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.12 by ScriptzBin
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
© 1998 - 2007 by Rudedog Productions | All trademarks used are properties of their respective owners. All rights reserved.