"Funniest thing you heard today" thread. - Page 3

Stammer · 05-28-2007, 11:14 PM

lmao coleman

Zoner · 06-19-2007, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nyck

me to a buddy re: him getting a beej

"you should have a chick just go down and fucking start snacking on that bitch biting into it like a huge pube burger and fucking just take a picture of her when she comes up and have her smile big and she will have pubes all between her teeth fucking looking like she just ate like 50 daddy long leg spiders"

^ That by a LONG shot. happy:

Jotun · 06-19-2007, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coleman

I was doing a 15/15 challenge today at work:

Must eat the whole thing in under 15 minutes or you must pay $15. No puking allowed. So if you win, you get a free huge-ass sundae and your picture on the wall.

15/15 challenge =
A sand toy bucket filled with:
4 donuts
5 scoops of ice cream
1 banana
choice of caramel, butter scotch, hot fudge
3 different toppings
whipped cream
5 cherries

So i was challenging my manager to see who could do it quickest. He's gay. In the middle of it he started talking smack talk. He goes to me I'm a fag, you better watch out. You know as well as I do what I can put in this mouth." and then proceeded to put a HUGE scoop of ice cream in his mouth. He beat me in the end. I was pretty much done with 3.5 mins left. But I couldn't finish the last 3 spoon fulls of sprinkles left on the bottom...I couldn't hold it down.

hahahaha

your manager sounds awesome.

Nyck · 06-20-2007, 01:12 PM

my buddy RE: the dude getting stabbed while jackin it

"Stab wounds? pfft whatev. I gotta blow some dick snot here."

Simo Häyhä · 06-20-2007, 02:05 PM

girl: Jim, eat out my pussy please..Im so fucking horny
me: No thanks, I'm gay.
girl: fuk...

Eight Ace · 06-20-2007, 02:51 PM

Nycks buddy: Nyck get over here an suck my cock a lil' b4 i fuck ur big gay ass.
Nyck: can do chief!
Nycks buddy: oooh yeah rock:

Tystnad · 06-20-2007, 03:07 PM

Didnt hear it today, but during the game this weekend;

Four guys in my company were guarding a beachead north of our camp, and was trying to set their hopup units. After a while, theyve emptied all their clips into the ocean out of pure boredom. They then decide to pick up the radio, and this is a rough translation of the message that went out to the whole batallion:

- 400 russians are being deployed on the beachhead! We kinda played up our ammo. Only four pinecones left! Requesting orders, over!

Which is exactly what you wanted to hear when youre standing in a trench waiting for 600 russians to try and eat your soul, with mayo on the side. oOo:

Zoner · 06-21-2007, 09:28 AM

"270 lbs of naked dick flopping drill carrying fury"

Paintballr · 06-21-2007, 09:43 AM

Happened at work lady getting a drink

Lady:Is this non-fat milk in my drink?
Me:Yes it should be why?
Lady:Just making sure, I'm lactosentolerant...
Me:uh.....

Zoner · 06-22-2007, 09:52 AM

"Feels like I gave myself a tabasco enema."

Coleman · 06-22-2007, 11:25 PM

"Dude, this place [Bethany Beach, DE] is like the freakin Disney Channel. There are soooo many hot girls, but they're all jail bait!"
--my brother who is 22

1080jibber · 06-23-2007, 12:18 AM

i didnt hear anything but my sister farted really loud and then fanned it with her hands towards me ( i was like oOo: ed: )

mr.miyagi · 06-23-2007, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1080jibber

i didnt hear anything but my sister farted really loud and then fanned it with her hands towards me ( i was like oOo: ed: )

"....you kno, girls are jus sick. sick and twist'd lil bitches......if it weren't for them fartin and whingin all tha time, the world would be a much better place......"

*puts hands in pants, trumps, throws dutch hand grenade at passer by*