Thinking So Hard it hurts..need a decision

mr.miyagi · **Thinking So Hard it hurts..need a decision -** 08-02-2003, 05:23 PM

Hey dudes, this is now my new unbelievable cock-up I've got myself into...... I would appreciate some sensible replies if possible(...who am I kidding) not just lame geeky remarks from a kid. If any of the older dudes have been in this situation some advice would be very welcome

This is my GF on the left, mel(22), on the right is a girl who i've been in touch with for a long time
[img]http://www.dodstudios.net/uploads/uploads/mel01.jpg[/img][img]http://www.dodstudios.net/uploads/uploads/bored111.jpg[/img]

The thing is, mel wants to be with me forever but I don't want that anymore, dunno if any vets recall those posts I made about mel. I was in love with her for so long, now all I seem to think about is this other girl christine(19)

I realise many guys go through this kinda thing, choosing between girls. Except with this its so complicated its untrue, you see, Mel has a child, the child loves me, mel has a hard time coping with her studies and new job and child so this is my cue to seem like a selfish prick...
I like her kid its just i'm not ready to be asked a million questions a day or tell her not to do things when Mel ain't around. I can do this but its not what I like about the relationship and although she tells me not to do anything for the lil one(6) it still stresses me out when I can't have much privacy

Obviously I knew about the child in the first place but just can't see myself growing up with two girls rather than one.
Mel also has a bit of a temper and in contrast I'm a calm guy who prefers not to shout or throw stuff (lol which she did, her room-mate's Xbox DVD controller was hashed together right after she threw it against the wall).
Mel is very nice to me, gives massages, makes sure I'm happy all the time, cooks, allsorts but when it comes to privacy it tends to be spoiled by something or other.

Now Christine, she is fantastic, almost a dream come true. She is stunning to look at, funny to talk with, brimming full of energy, sings in a band, sings to me. She really likes me

If I break up with mel tho, which seemed unimaginable a year ago, she would fall to pieces, she is in love with me and thinks of me always... She wrote recently that she would understand if my feelings changed, coz I was pissed at her, and that all I need to do is be honest and talk to her about things.

Now that seems like a good get-out clause but I'm afraid she'd do something stupid if we broke up. I've always told her I want to go back as soon as I could to be with her but things change ya know, I can't afford to do it for quite a while and once I get there I'm sure the whole situation would test my patience...

We'd remain friends always but still.... its so tough to decide on what to do

Innoxx · 08-02-2003, 05:39 PM

Stick with Mel dude. Why go out for burgers when you can come home to steak?

-or-

Take them both. You see in my family it was okay for a man to have a wife and a girlfriend. My father had a woman on the side, my mother knew and thought nothing of it. You can't expect to have a wife that cooks, cleans and bears your children to be wild in bed.

This Christine gal sounds too good to be true, I'd ask around about her; see what she's all about.

Eight Ace · 08-02-2003, 05:48 PM

Christine, because:-

a) she sounds like a fun gal for a fun guy
b) she looks gorgeous
c) she comes as a stand alone deal
and teh clincher,
d) she actually lives in the same country as you (I assume)

that's my 2 bobs worth, but you'll have to weigh it up carefully,
after all...it's your arse, and you don't want a cock up! ed:

Bean 2 · 08-02-2003, 06:15 PM

Innox that is pretty fucked up, no offense. My mom had an affair and my dad didnt know and it pissed me off so much. I really wanted to kill her for awhile. But i doubt many people on these boards have had to choose between two girls let alone one myiagi. If i was u i would choose christine because she looks hot, she doesnt have a kid, shes younger, and sounds like u enjoy being around her more then mel.

Strik0r · 08-02-2003, 06:18 PM

mel

cause um...the other chick probably has an std

Innoxx · 08-02-2003, 06:29 PM

[quote="Bean 2":b58e3]Innox that is pretty fucked up, no offense. My mom had an affair and my dad didnt know and it pissed me off so much. I really wanted to kill her for awhile. But i doubt many people on these boards have had to choose between two girls let alone one myiagi. If i was u i would choose christine because she looks hot, she doesnt have a kid, shes younger, and sounds like u enjoy being around her more then mel.[/quote:b58e3]

Call me old fashioned. Besides, with the other woman it's mostly sexual. My mother never had to worry about my father running off with her.

Mel having a kid is why I'd stay with her. Whether it's mine or not I would help her out whenever I can. I think Miyagi already knew Mel had a kid before he came over to be with her. People these days have gone soft, always looking for "the right one". It's pathetic. My grandad married when he was 16, he told me he didn't love her at first but after awhile he would do anything for her. Almost 60 years later they're still happily married. Now people divorce after 6 months.

08-02-2003, 07:23 PM

stay with mel. christine almost seems like a heat of the moment fling (no offense). it seems the relationship is based on looks with her than ur relationship with mel.

1080jibber · 08-02-2003, 07:37 PM

if you want a long relationship, then stick with Mel

but

if you just want a fling that wont last then go for christine

i would stay with Mel, it seems like a sure thing, a long relationship

Sicilian_Summers · 08-02-2003, 07:47 PM

I can't say I'm an expert on relationships, but, I figured I could give whatever advice in some attempt to help out.

I would stick with Mel, perhaps talk to her about your lack of privacy - any person you plan on spending the rest of your life with should be willing to listen to your problems and come up with a solution which makes yourself happier.

That's just my two cents.

Old Reliable · 08-02-2003, 07:47 PM

girls arent worth the baggage, stick with the hand

Akuma · 08-02-2003, 08:17 PM

Just do whatever YOU want. If you really want to be Christine, even though you know Mel loves you, then go for it. If it doesn't work out with Christine you have a very slim chance of getting back with Mel.

Chronic Diarrhea · 08-02-2003, 08:41 PM

Well I think you should stick with Mel, why?

1) She's older. Now that might not make much since, as a lot of guys have no problem dating younger girls, but I can pretty much bet this Christine who is 19 is a lot less mature than Mel who is 22.

2) Mel's pretty attractive too, ya know. Between the two of them I think Christine is better looking, but I prefer blondes anyway. Still though Mel is far enough good looking to qualify for the looks category.

3) You've been with Mel for a damn long time, so why screw it up now? Sure she does some things that may piss you off, but what relationship doesn't come with that? Also she's a WOMAN. I hate to sound sexist, but most women are idiots, and do idiotic shit to piss you off. To succeed in any relationship you have to expect it and accept it.

4) No offense, but Christine looks like one of those dick hunters, a girl who once she get screwed by you, you'll be pussy-whooped. She'll think that she owns you. Of course I could be wrong, and very much so since I know not a single thing about her, but that's just my judgment.

5) So having a serious GF with a kid scares you? Hell why shouldn't it. You're stepping into an entirely new area of life right there, but if you like the kid, and love Mel, those scared feeling will go away soon enough.

I think it's a no-brainer. Go with Mel.

SoLiDUS · 08-02-2003, 08:45 PM

Honesty is the best policy in this case, Miyagi. I believe in polygamy so you
may or may not agree with the things I propose; I assume they wouldn't as
well... so I'll look at it from the point of view of monogamists.

From what I could gather, breaking up with Mel seems like it could make
her do silly things, but how silly ? Remember that she has an offspring to
take care of: I truly doubt she could be that selfish. A temporary "break"
could be the solution you seek : taking time apart gives you the chance to
explore alternatives in semi-fairness but if your feelings for Christina grow
you may end up in a bigger predicament than you initially started with. It
would appear that extrication from the aformentioned would be difficult...
but I may be wrong and you might very well make an easy choice after all
is said and done.

In the end, I believe in following the heart: no one can be truly happy until
all loose ends are tied up and the burdenous nature of a situation nullified.

Totenkopf · 08-02-2003, 09:05 PM

Wow....I had to reply to this one, been awhile since I've been on.

Seriously, you're young....if you are already looking at other women, then Mel isn't the one. Don't settle for this already. You will be more stuck than you are now..never able to get out. Then you will begin to resent Mel, take out your anger on her, or worse the child.

The one thing I have learned in my 28 (nearly 29) years is to be honest in a relationship. Tell her the truth, you're young, you are having doubts, it just moved too quickly. See where the dialogue goes. If this girl is willing to do something stupid because you leave her then she is obviously unstable to begin with (WARNING!!). She has a kid that she needs to concentrate on.

The motto I have come to live by....it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do.

pest · 08-02-2003, 09:13 PM

Totenkopt summed up my thoughts pretty well.