[Chronic Diarrhea]

Originally Posted by Totenkopf

Wow....I had to reply to this one, been awhile since I've been on.

Seriously, you're young....if you are already looking at other women, then Mel isn't the one. Don't settle for this already. You will be more stuck than you are now..never able to get out. Then you will begin to resent Mel, take out your anger on her, or worse the child.

The one thing I have learned in my 28 (nearly 29) years is to be honest in a relationship. Tell her the truth, you're young, you are having doubts, it just moved too quickly. See where the dialogue goes. If this girl is willing to do something stupid because you leave her then she is obviously unstable to begin with (WARNING!!). She has a kid that she needs to concentrate on.


The motto I have come to live by....it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do.

That's an interesting piece of advice, and I do agree with you comment about if you think she might do something stupid, and in fact she turns out to do something stupid, then it wasn't meant to be in the first place.

[ED]

The reason you're looking to stray is because you are young. I dated a chick for about 6-months, and wanted out. After I got out I'd still think about her, and going back to her. I did - washe, rinse, repeat. At this point in your life it's hard to get tied down because you know you can run around. On average, this is the time when guys and gals are fucking the most and you want to taste alot.

However -

That mother fucking grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side dude. In the same amount of time, you WILL get tired of this Christine, and her knowing you've been into her while dating someone else is not going to start you off with POSITIVE POINTS in the trust department. This is FACT. I had the same shit happen to me, and throughout the relationship it hung over things until we called it quits.

So my advice to you - if you love this MEL chick, take a breather, see if she's willing to just chill as friends for the time being, and not have the level of commitment a boyfriend requires, because right now you cant do it. It sucks to say it, but yes you want to break up to sleep with other people. You know it, we know it, and baby jesus knows it. The only thing that'll make it worse is if you lie about this reason.

And then in a few months you'll realize that you're ready to go back, and hopefully she wont have moved past your ass. The thing that MUST be done though is to continue to maintain a level of involvement in her life and the little kids.

But man, another kid - we'll leave that one for another day.

[Simo Häyhä]

oh man. this sucks but if it were you i would...damn

[Ydiss]

Been in this situation when I was 18. At the time I made the horrible mistake of dumping my GF and then thinking I would have something with the other girl.

I didn't.

She flirted outragously, to the point of kissing, until I told her I had broken up with my GF.

Then it was cold water time. She just lost interest.

At the time this was harsh, but I have the advantage of hindsight. If I hadn't have done what I did 7 years ago I would not be with my wonderful gf today having our first child together.

So, my advice, is do what you want to and try not to let whatever happens get you down.

But, try sitting down for a whole day pretending that you have dumped Mel and can no longer see her, at all. Keep thinking how that would make you feel (not guilt, not empathy for her, I mean how you would feel about missing her).

If that makes you feel happy, then at least one of you is happy. If it makes you feel sad, then that means 2 of you will be sad if you dump her.

When I was 18 I didn't think about how I would feel after I'd dumped my gf.

But then, I didn't think how my life would change for the better, 6-7 years later, because I did.

As has been said before, honesty is good if you want to do something that you think is going to hurt someone. Honesty with them and honesty with yourself.

[Arkan]

Ok, this is what Arkan thinks.

When i met my girl, i knew she was the one. We were both young (19) and i knew she would be the one who'd i end up with. So, we dated for several years. During that time though, there were alot of girls. I dated them too but told them off the bat i had a g/f that i wasn't leaving for nothing. That worked for Arkan. The other girls knew the deal and i had my girl the whole time. Was it tough?...yeah, but i got used to the situations and worked my way around them. Out of the many girls i dated, noone could measure up to my girl. Two came close, but in the end, i made the right decision. The game is over now for Arkan and i have not one regret.

So, my advise to you is.....keep Mel and see others on the side. Tell the others you're "involved" so they know the deal and see where that takes you. Now, before i get flamed (to which i don't care), this advise will definately not work for everyone. It takes alot of work to do this and i understand not every guy is up to the task.

On another thought, you are definately too young to make a final decision now. If in your heart you know Mel isn't the one, cut her loose now. If you honestly believe she's the one, hold onto her. BTW, tell Christine to lose the lip-ring. I hate that shit!!

Good luck to you.

[mr.miyagi]

Well guys, I must say I'm very impressed and extremely thankfully for all the advice you've given me, you're helpin a brotha out seriously


One thing is we talk through a messenger everyday which is the only way we can talk other than via phone but this is really grating on me now, I don't feel any buzz in talking over it, may as well be a brick wall. Soon i'm going to tell mel that i'm just plain sick of chatting through a program and that this whole thing of talking online isn't going to last another year as it all began with. I'm too much of a physical talker when it comes to girlfriends because online things get misunderstood all the time and taken the wrong way.
When I've been with Mel, look at her while shes sleeping, when we talk, the things we talk about......I just can't see myself talking about the same shit all the time, I cange alot, I try to think of new things to talk about but with her she's not as spunky as me coz she's got so much to think about
Me being with her for life just ain't gonna happen.

I guess this whole situation has and is about me plucking up the courage to tell her that things aren't rosey on my side and that I've fallen out of love just when she's fallen head over heels in love....bad timing but It will be one interesting conversation we're going to have soon

Christine is more of a serious side project (which sounds bad I know) who I've been really good friends with for a while, I've always been with mel, talked to her although I stress its not a mel vs. christine type thing as I may have made it seem. If christine doesn't work out then its ok, its more about me knowing that I won't be able to spend life with mel.
She is very emotional and can be very delicate, she's had many tough times in her life and right now is very stressed out.....it will very hard trying to tell her how I feel

I'll let you all know how it goes, I may not tell her for a lil while longer tho, we shall see

[Ydiss]

Ah, it's a long distance relationship? I've had a good number of those in the last 4 years and none of them lasted, no matter what I felt for any of them.

Met one of them for a week, too. Was great, fantastic, but so temporary.

I count myself very lucky that I met someone here in the UK and am in love with, without any issues with distance, communication or touch.

It's fun and easy to do it online, and probably a little less traumatic than actually having to live with someone for months and then splitting up, but it's no substitute for being with someone.

Good luck, Miyagi san.

[Duke_of_Ray]

Remeber this is a message board! What you should do is learn Russian go to Russia and get you are girl there, uhhh I guess.

[Captain Bunny]

[quote="mr.miyagi":37580]

Now Christine, she is fantastic, almost a dream come true. She is stunning to look at, funny to talk with, She really likes me

[/quote:37580]

Wasnt this Mel 1 year ago? If you know what i mean. Its the dating scene my friend, you meet a girl, shes great fun, sexy "everything youve ever dreamed of" but then you reach the second impression, you find an annmoying habit she has, or she has a short temper, or she a bit of a pyscho, or you never get time alone together because of something or another, and while this is going on, you meet a girl, who is fun sexy, everything youve ever dreamed of... and the cycle loops.
Youre not ready to settle down with someone, i think you can admit that. You want the comfort and security of a relationship, but you only want the fun times right?
You dont want to be spending saturday afternoon choosing wallpaper and kicthen sinks, you want to be out having fun, wild sex, nice memorable times with a girlfriend.
ok, that might not be you at all, but for most guys our age it is.
When i broke up with my ex (the one with the kid) 1 month after she gave birth to him, i was gutted, but at the same time releived. and soon realised it was the right move. Im young and free, not ready to be tied down to baby feeding and nappy changing and "lets go here, but we cant get a baby sitter so he has to come too" "oh we better be heading home soon as our entire f*cking life revolves around this baby"
In the end, ive put it down as valuable experience and moved on. I think you should too. Youre not entirely happy with Mel, so why stay with her? Guilt? She might hurt herself? You might look like the asshole? Its YOUR life mate. Its not a selfish thing to put yourself first once in a while. Especially when its something this big. Mel im sure would move on and find a new man in her life, while you can get on with yours.
Do the right thing. Do what YOU need to do to make yourself happy.
Get drunk and see some strippers!..... and then go see christine.

[mr.miyagi]

Bunny, you may have just tilted my decision. You're right about all that.


I guess I just hate breaking bad news, especially when I make her so happy....makes me feel guilty but I know what I have to do...

I'll bide my time and tell her my feelings at the right time soon,

Thanks everyone

[Captain Bunny]

Great! Let me know as soon as you're off to see those strippers. Save me a seat. biggrin:

[Jotun]

mine as well....always be honest in a relationship, but dont take it from me, im only 15....a 15 year old who is very mature for his age so i hear from my clan members....

one small thing: TAKE THE TIME to think things through, dont do anything stupid because of a small emotion, make sure you mean it....

[Captain Bunny]

Originally Posted by Jotun

im only 15....a 15 year old who is very mature for his age so i hear from my clan members....

You could have pulled off the mature thing if you hadnt blown it by mentioning clan members biggrin:

[Duke_of_Ray]

[quote:f4f2c]You could have pulled off the mature thing if you hadnt blown it by mentioning clan members [/quote:f4f2c]

Hey im 16, and I am very mature and I hear from my Klan members!

[descry]

[quote="mr.miyagi":22fb1]Hey dudes, this is now my new unbelievable cock-up I've got myself into...... I would appreciate some sensible replies if possible(...who am I kidding) not just lame geeky remarks from a kid. If any of the older dudes have been in this situation some advice would be very welcome

This is my GF on the left, mel(22), on the right is a girl who i've been in touch with for a long time
[img]http://www.dodstudios.net/uploads/uploads/mel01.jpg[/img][img]http://www.dodstudios.net/uploads/uploads/bored111.jpg[/img]

The thing is, mel wants to be with me forever but I don't want that anymore, dunno if any vets recall those posts I made about mel. I was in love with her for so long, now all I seem to think about is this other girl christine(19)

I realise many guys go through this kinda thing, choosing between girls. Except with this its so complicated its untrue, you see, Mel has a child, the child loves me, mel has a hard time coping with her studies and new job and child so this is my cue to seem like a selfish prick...
I like her kid its just i'm not ready to be asked a million questions a day or tell her not to do things when Mel ain't around. I can do this but its not what I like about the relationship and although she tells me not to do anything for the lil one(6) it still stresses me out when I can't have much privacy

Obviously I knew about the child in the first place but just can't see myself growing up with two girls rather than one.
Mel also has a bit of a temper and in contrast I'm a calm guy who prefers not to shout or throw stuff (lol which she did, her room-mate's Xbox DVD controller was hashed together right after she threw it against the wall).
Mel is very nice to me, gives massages, makes sure I'm happy all the time, cooks, allsorts but when it comes to privacy it tends to be spoiled by something or other.

Now Christine, she is fantastic, almost a dream come true. She is stunning to look at, funny to talk with, brimming full of energy, sings in a band, sings to me. She really likes me

If I break up with mel tho, which seemed unimaginable a year ago, she would fall to pieces, she is in love with me and thinks of me always... She wrote recently that she would understand if my feelings changed, coz I was pissed at her, and that all I need to do is be honest and talk to her about things.

Now that seems like a good get-out clause but I'm afraid she'd do something stupid if we broke up. I've always told her I want to go back as soon as I could to be with her but things change ya know, I can't afford to do it for quite a while and once I get there I'm sure the whole situation would test my patience...

We'd remain friends always but still.... its so tough to decide on what to do[/quote:22fb1]

smells like bullshit