A Joke to share...

Punk_Bitch · **A Joke to share... -** 01-08-2003, 11:03 PM

Just a little joke I heard from a buddy of mine. Hope you like it.

There was a hunter out looking for bears in the forest. He heads out with his trusty crossbow. He hides in some bushes and spots a bear. He stands up, fires and quickly ducks. He gets up to see where the bear is, and it was gone. All the sudden he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around, and it's the bear. The bears says to him "you shouldn't have done that. You have two options, 1) I can maul you, or 2) bend over and take it up the behind." Not wanting to be killed he took option 2. Now he is pissed. He goes back to his tent and grabs a shotty. Runs back to the brush, sees the bear, shoots and ducks. He looks up, and the bear is gone. He feels a tap on his shoulder again. He turns, and its the bear. He says you shouldn't have done that, you know your options....he takes #2) again. Now he's beyond pissed. He goes to the tent and grabs a rocket launcher. Runs to the brushes, sees the bear, fires and ducks. The explosion and smoke clear, and the bear is no where to be found. He feels a tap again on his shoulder. He turns and its the bear. The bear says to him "Your not here for the hunting are you?"

cameltoe · 01-08-2003, 11:51 PM

haha nice...
i like the joke from catch me if you can

knock knock
whos there?
go fuk ya' selves

Star85 · 01-09-2003, 07:03 AM

Lol they are both funny biggrin:

Bazooka_Joe · 01-09-2003, 10:28 AM

A preist is watching a football game before his sunday confessions. He has a few non-alacholic beers, then decides to head to the church.

He starts doing confession when he realizes hes really gotta piss. He looks outside and there is a line of people waiting to confess. In desperation, he calls over a janitor and asks the janitor to cover for him while he goes to the bathroom.

"But father, I'm no preist! I wouldn't know where to begin!" "It's easy." said the Preist. "Just follow the chart on the wall see? Whatever they do wrong, just tell them the pennance for it." So the janitor agreed and the preist went to the bathroom.

The first for the janitor is a young boy. He steps in and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I stole from the candy store" The janitor looks at the chart. "Stealing. .. .stealing! 2 hail marys!" The little boy walks out.

The next, a young teenager who says "Bless me father, for I have sinned, I cheated on my girlfriend." The janitor looks "Cheating. . .adultry! 3 our fathers!" The teenager walks out. "Hey, this isn't that bad." Says the janitor.

The next is an older man. He walks in and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I had anal sex with my wife last night" The janitor looks "Anal sex. . anal sex. ..where?" Anal sex isn't listed. He decides to creep his head out and look for the preist, but he's nowhere to be seen, but he spots an altarboy. He calls over the alterboy and asks: "Son, what does the preist give as pennance for anal sex?" The boy says "Milk and Cookies". ed:

Punk_Bitch · 01-16-2003, 09:46 PM

hahaha......thats brutal... biggrin:

pvt_hz · 01-16-2003, 11:25 PM

[quote="Bazooka_Joe":68b39]A preist is watching a football game before his sunday confessions. He has a few non-alacholic beers, then decides to head to the church.

He starts doing confession when he realizes hes really gotta piss. He looks outside and there is a line of people waiting to confess. In desperation, he calls over a janitor and asks the janitor to cover for him while he goes to the bathroom.

"But father, I'm no preist! I wouldn't know where to begin!" "It's easy." said the Preist. "Just follow the chart on the wall see? Whatever they do wrong, just tell them the pennance for it." So the janitor agreed and the preist went to the bathroom.

The first for the janitor is a young boy. He steps in and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I stole from the candy store" The janitor looks at the chart. "Stealing. .. .stealing! 2 hail marys!" The little boy walks out.

The next, a young teenager who says "Bless me father, for I have sinned, I cheated on my girlfriend." The janitor looks "Cheating. . .adultry! 3 our fathers!" The teenager walks out. "Hey, this isn't that bad." Says the janitor.

The next is an older man. He walks in and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I had anal sex with my wife last night" The janitor looks "Anal sex. . anal sex. ..where?" Anal sex isn't listed. He decides to creep his head out and look for the preist, but he's nowhere to be seen, but he spots an altarboy. He calls over the alterboy and asks: "Son, what does the preist give as pennance for anal sex?" The boy says "Milk and Cookies". ed:[/quote:68b39]
hillarios, exelent!

Innoxx · 01-16-2003, 11:38 PM

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their
work. The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to
operate on. Everything inside is numbered."

"I think librarians are the easiest," said the second surgeon.
"When you open them up, all their organs are alphabetically ordered."

The third surgeon said, "I perfer to operate on electricians, all
their organs are color coded."

The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They are
heartless, spineless, gutless and their head and ass are interchangeable."

Eight Ace · 01-17-2003, 12:04 AM

A Chinese restaurant owner is out on a big drinking session...he stumbles home at 3am, wakes up his wife and says:
"how 'bout a little 69?"

She is furious, she screams at him:
"You out all night drinking!, you come home at this hour!, you expect me to cook you Mongolian Lamb with Snow Peas!?!"

eek:

Innoxx · 01-17-2003, 12:06 AM

I don't completely get that one, but I'm laughing my ass off anyways.

Eight Ace · 01-17-2003, 12:15 AM

...it's just a play on the way Chinese restaurant / take-away menus
have that numbering system so's us honkeys can order more easily.... happy:

RUNGSI · 01-17-2003, 12:47 AM

Little Billy took his GoCart to the top of the hill. He pushes off and gets up a good amount of speed. All of a sudden, one of his front wheels flies off. Billy yells out "GOD DAMN!!!"
Well Father Johnson was out front of the church when he heard Billy Yell out.. Father Johnson came up and told Billy. "Now Billy, You know you shouldnt say God Damn. Next time something happens, just yell ouy GOD HELP ME!!"
Little Billy understands and agrees by shaking his head.
He takes his GoCart back up the hill and fixes the wheel.
He again get a good push off and heading down the hill. Right around the same spot, the other wheel falls off. Billy yells out "GOD DAMN!!"
Father Johnson tells him again. "Billy, I told you dont say God Damn. Say GOD HELP ME!!"
Billy replies, Im sorry father, I will remember.
Billy fixes the wheel and pushes his GoCart back up to the top of the hill.
This time he gets a big push off. He is going much faster then the other 2 trips.. All sudden in the same spot again, All 4 wheels fly off the GoCart. Billy yells out "GOD HELP ME!!!"
All of a sudden all 4 wheels fly back on the GoCart.
Father Johnson sees this and yells out "GOD DAMN!!!"

Eight Ace · 01-17-2003, 03:46 AM

hahahaha!!...I like that one RUNGSI....!... freak:

Eight Ace · 01-17-2003, 04:33 AM

Really Bad Wild West Canine Vendetta joke.

...a dog with his arm in a sling struts into a saloon...the piano stops...

he looks around and says "A'hm lookin' fer th' man who shot my paw...."

oOo:

Bazooka_Joe · 01-17-2003, 11:45 AM

[quote="Eight Ace":36453]Really Bad Wild West Canine Vendetta joke.

...a dog with his arm in a sling struts into a saloon...the piano stops...

he looks around and says "A'hm lookin' fer th' man who shot my paw...."

oOo:[/quote:36453]

That's about as bad as:

A fly, horse, a nun, a preist, rabbi, and a talking frog all walk into a bar. They all sit down at the stools. The bartender looks over and says: "What is this, some sort of joke?"

--{MTE}--Mjr.Bob · 01-17-2003, 12:23 PM

A man really wants a beer from his local pub "the queens nose" so he walks there but when he gets there it says 'closed, opening in 1 hour' the man can't wait that long so goes to another pub "the queens head" that says 'closed, open in 1/2 an hour' the man decides that is still too long so goes to the 3rd pub "the queens legs" this pub says 'closed, open in 5 minutes' the man waits outside. Then a policeman comes along and thinks the man looks a bit suspicious so he says: "What are you doing?" the man replies "I'm waiting for the queens legs to open so I can have a drink" evil: ed: happy: biggrin: cool: