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Major
Posts: 6,418
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Canada
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The Aristocrats -
08-03-2005, 11:26 PM
Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza’s low-budget documentary features over 100 comics—including Chris Rock, Jon Stewart, George Carlin, Whoopi Goldberg, Phyllis Diller, Drew Carey, Robin Williams, Bill Maher, and Sarah Silverman—performing their own improvised versions of the same joke, known as “the Aristocrats.” The premise of the joke, which dates back to Vaudeville, isn’t all that shocking. It concerns an uncommonly affectionate—and oddly leaky—family act auditioning before a talent agent. After finishing, the agent asks them what they call their act. “The Aristocrats,” the agent’s told. What’s so dirty about that? Well, as anticlimactic as the punchline sounds, it’s the details of the performance that have provided generations of comics the improvisational latitude to go bluer than any man or woman before.
One of MANY versions.
"A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
The father says, "We need a few minutes to set up" so the agent goes to his private bathroom to take a leak. While he is there, he starts to think about the mother. She is a middle aged woman with big tits and doesn't look half bad. He starts to stroke his dick as he pees and thinks about having her on there his desk, all naked with her legs up around his neck and her big tits jiggling on her chest as he fucks her. "Maybe this isn't such a bad act,” he thinks as he strokes away. "Maybe she would lick her girl's pussy while we fuck" he thinks, "and the girl would suck her brother's dick while we were going at it." He keeps at it and then he thinks, "And the old man could fuck me in my ass" as he cums. He cleans up and returns to the room.
When he gets back, the family is off to the side and their pet dog is wearing a cape sitting on one of the chairs with a banner overhead that reads " Ali, the Amazing Psychic, Talking Wonder Dog." In front of Ali is a bundle of dynamite wired to a big red button sitting on the agent's desk.
The dog says, "I am Ali, the amazing, psychic, talking wonder dog. Sit down and do what I say or I will blow us all up."
The agent is stunned to hear the dog talk, and noticing the explosives, he sits down at his desk. He says to the father " What the fuck is this?" "You better do as he says or we are all fucked,” says the father.
The dog says, "For my first trick I will read your mind about what you were thinking in the bathroom."
The agent is thinking to himself "No fucking way" when the dog says "You want to fuck Sylvia on your desk.” Sylvia, the mother, gets up, removes her clothes and lays herself, tits up, legs spread wide-open, on the desk in front of the agent. The father says,” You better do it or we are all fucked."
The agent figures, "What the hell" and drops his pants and start porking Sylvia. She is wet as a bitch in heat as he sticks his semi-hard, used up dick in her.
After a while, the dog says, "That's not all you were thinking. You want Sylvia to lick Janey's pussy." The agent turns red with embarrassment but the father says, " You better do it or we are all fucked." So Janey takes off her clothes and straddles her mother's face who proceeds to lick her sweet young pussy like there is no tomorrow.
The agent is thinking, "This isn't so bad" as he looks at her writhing on her mother's face. His dick is hard as a rock as he pours the coals to Sylvia.
"That's not all you were thinking,” says Ali the psychic, talking wonder dog. The agent is mortified with lust and shame but the father says " You better do as he says or we are all fucked" so the agent admits,” Well, I was thinking Janey would suck Jimmy's cock." At this point Jimmy rips off his clothes and jams his fresh young cock down his sister's throat." The agent can barely contain himself as he pounds the mother like a back alley whore turning a $20 trick.
The dog takes a big breath and says, " That's not all you were thinking." The agent can hardly see straight by now as he fucks the mother who is licking the daughter's cunt while she sucks the brother's dick. "Alright already, I want you should fuck me in my ass" he says to the father as he keeps cranking his dick in and out of the mother.
The father thinks to himself, "I better do what that son of a bitch, mind reading, talking, fucking wonder dog of ours wants or we are all fucked." He spits on his hand, lubes up his trusty old dick and slides it up the agent's waiting shit chute. By now, everyone is fucking and sucking on tits, pussies, dicks and assholes and before you know it, they all cum with the biggest orgasm of their lives.
As they are laying there in a heap of utter depravity, Ali the dog says to the agent, " I hate home wrecking, pedophile, homosexual, kikey jew bastards like you!" and hits the red button. The room explodes into a massive fireball of retribution.
Later on, roasting together in hell:
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
[url:1b5e7]http://www.TheAristocrats.com/[/url:1b5e7]
The Movie comes out in August. Can't wait.
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The Aristocrats
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