1) AANR might be what you want.
http://www.allaboutnothing.net/modules. ... load&cid=7
Its called 'AllAboutNothing Realism' 2nd from the top.
2) I don't really know the commands but I'm pretty sure that they are dmflags that you can add to the server's .cfg file.
3) Not sure what your asking...
4) TDM: Gewitter, and a custom map called Night Death Match Arena. You can get it in this mpa pak along with some other kick ass maps.
http://www.allaboutnothing.net/modules. ... load&cid=4 its in 'AAN Map Pack 3' 3rd from the top.