OFFICIAL: Jokes Thread - Page 4

Pyro · 12-09-2004, 10:57 AM

[quote="Mr.Buttocks":649db]eek:[/quote:649db]

Stoners live and stoners die,
But in the end we all get high,
So, if at first you don't suceed,
Fuck this world and smoke some weed.

bukdez · 12-09-2004, 10:58 AM

only users lose drugs...

Mr.Buttocks · 12-09-2004, 11:00 AM

[quote=Pyro]

Quote:

Originally Posted by "Mr.Buttocks":0a474

eek:

Stoners live and stoners die,
But in the end we all get high,
So, if at first you don't suceed,
Fuck this world and smoke some weed.[/quote:0a474]

You're going to break a limb tomorrow.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bukdez

only users lose drugs...

imwithstupid:

Pyro · 12-09-2004, 11:05 AM

These three guys die in a car wreck and they all go to Hell. When they arrive the Devil asks each of the men what their sin was. The first guy says, "It's gotta be the booze. I'm always drunk." The Devil decides to lock him in a room with nothing but shelves of every kind of alcohol imaginable. The guy's thinking, "Fuck yeah! Look at all this alcohol!" and runs into the room. The second guy says, "It's the women, i could never stay faithful to my wife." The devil opens up the second door and inside is nothing but the finest looking naked women as far as the eye can see. The guy was to be locked in for 100 years. He couldn't believe it and his dick got instantly hard and he went running into the room as the Devil locked the door behind him. The third dude says, "It's gotta be the bud. I'm always tokin' up." The Devil opens the third door to reveal nothing but fields of 10ft tall icky, sticky, take-a-toke, make-ya-choke, chronic, green, death bud. The stoner can't believe it. he goes in and takes a seat Indian style with his back to the door and the Devil shuts and locks the door. One hundred years pass and the Devil returns to check on the three men. He opens the first door and the man comes crawling out. He's got an empty bottle in one hand, he's completely naked, hasn't shaved or showered in years, and is covered in his own puke, shit, and piss. "i'll never drink again!" he says. The devil says it's good he learned something and decides to give him a second shot at life. The devil then opens the second door and the man comes running out twice as fast as when he went in. "I'm fucking gay!" he screams. The devil figures he's learned not to cheat on his wife and decides to give him a second chance too. The devil then comes to the third door. he opens it and sees nothing has changed. the stoner is still sitting there in the same position that he was 100 years ago. The Devil asks him if he's learned anything. The stoner turns around as a tear rolls down his cheek, "You gotta light, man?"

bukdez · 12-09-2004, 11:08 AM

^ rofl...

Mr.Buttocks · 12-09-2004, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pyro

The devil then opens the second door and the man comes running out twice as fast as when he went in. "I'm fucking gay!" he screams.

eek:

Pyro · 12-09-2004, 11:13 AM

[quote="Mr.Buttocks":347b0]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pyro

The devil then opens the second door and the man comes running out twice as fast as when he went in. "I'm fucking gay!" he screams.

eek:[/quote:347b0]

I woz here, but now I'm not,
I'm round da corner smokin' pot!
I've wrote this message 2 prove a point,
Life is shit without a joint!

Mr.Buttocks · 12-09-2004, 11:16 AM

[quote=Pyro]

Quote:

Originally Posted by "Mr.Buttocks":8a6f6

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pyro

The devil then opens the second door and the man comes running out twice as fast as when he went in. "I'm fucking gay!" he screams.

eek:

I woz here, but now I'm not,
I'm round da corner smokin' pot!
I've wrote this message 2 prove a point,
Life is shit without a joint![/quote:8a6f6]

I'm beginning to hate you. mad:

Pyro · 12-09-2004, 11:17 AM

OK, so... it's Jesus and he sees that planet earth is going down the drain and the reason is because so many people die because of something called... drugs. So he has to know about this kind of shit so he calls all the Apostles and tells them that they have to go down to earth to see for themselves what is going on and then go back to Heaven and report to Jesus... The Apostles go to different places on earth and after some time they come back to report what they saw. John comes and Jesus asks him "What did you find Johnny boy?" John: "I've got some funny stuff, that's called hash..." Jesus: "Oh yeah? Let me try it to see what makes people like it..." he tries it and... he likes it! Then Paul comes with some cocaine... Jesus tries it and he likes that too!!! Then comes Peter with some LSD and Jesus is fucking stoned... He tries all kinds of dope from each and every one of the Apostles and in the end he welcomes Judas with a huge stoned smile... "Sssooooo..... Judas, my brother" he says, "What did you bring?" Judas: "Err... I brought the cops..."

Pyro · 12-09-2004, 11:25 AM

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.

"Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" the officer said. The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" "He said you were speeding!" the old man yelled. The patrolman then asked, "May I see your license?" The woman turned to her husband again, "What did he say?" The old man yelled back, "He wants to see your license!" The woman then gave the officer her license. "I see you are from Arkansas," the patrolman said. "I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen." The woman turned to her husband again and asked, "What did he say?" The old man replied, "He said he knows you!"